A timeline of my (M23) on/off relationship with my U/BPD partner , Currently NC.

[IMissHer21]

A timeline of my on/off relationship with my U/BPD partner. Currently NC.

After 8 months of being together with 22 breakups initiated by her and no change in behaviour in regards to listening and respecting my boundaries/boundaries we set together as a couple, the coming and going constantly, the false promises, the future faking but never any unloyalty). I decided I had had enough. So I ended things myself. I went no contact and we didn’t speak or have any communication for 4/5 months.

One day I was out in town (we both live in the same town) drinking with my friends. Suddenly I look up and lock eyes with her as she crosses the road. I turn around as to avoid her, but she grabs my arm and says “can we talk”I said not really but ended up hearing what she had to say anyway. She said stuff along the lines of “I’ve never been able to get over you, I miss you, I never stopped loving you etc” she was not drunk but had been drinking all day as she had been at a festival all day. Her phone which was on her lap lit up as a notification came through and I saw that her wallpaper was a photograph of her an another one of her exes which she had seen at said festival earlier in the day and also kissed them. (This from the girl that constantly said how she hated her exes and basically didn’t know what she was thinking ever being with them) I said “really you’ve never been able to get over me yet your wallpaper suggests otherwise. She then changed her wallpaper to a photo of her and I from the 8 month relationship that we had previously been in. I said “you need to delete all of the photos and forget about me” I showed her my phone and how I had deleted all photos/memories during the 5 months apart. As I was showing her that I had deleted everything she saw a photo of a girl I was previously talking to in my camera roll, stood up and walked away. I thought that was it.

Fast forward a couple of days later and she texts basically saying her feelings are so strong since talking to and seeing me again and she wants to sort things so we did we went for cocktails and explained how neither of us had been with anyone else, physically emotionally or sexually since we had split 4/5 months ago. (This is a fact by the way) we both had talking stages but this had lasted 2 days for both of us.

The last couple of months we have been together again but not officially in a relationship. I’ve been asking her repeatedly to get on the same page as me and that I won’t be becoming official with her until I absolutely know that this time there isn’t going to be any games… she seemed serious constantly watching videos on bpd admitting she may have it and resonating with a lot of things discussed on forums and in videos on bpd. One day we had had an argument and she split resulting in a mini breakup again. Next day I see her in the club grinding on some random guy. I called her a nasty name and walked out crying. She then proceeded to blow my phone up on no caller id… I didn’t pick up she showed up at the flat, I went mental screaming calling her every name and told her to go to her mums. She kept saying sorry but I didn’t want to hear it.

Next day I had 472 phone calls from her come through and an 18 page letter admitting to how sorry she was and everything in the letter was incredibly in depth and showed she seemed to have genuine remorse for her actions. She overly apologised and just kept repeating how disgusted she was at herself she asked me for another chance I said I’m heartbroken and need to think about it it’s not something I ever thought you would do, she kept saying “that’s not her she didn’t know what she was thinking” 

next day I went to work thought about it came back to the flat, I walked in on her watching YouTube videos on bpd relationships, I sat down told her I’d been thinking and I can’t do it to myself to give her another chance. She hysterically started crying begging me holding onto my arms and crying hard just kept repeating please give me another chance, I can’t lose you, I’m so sorry, I’ll do whatever it takes” this lasted for no word of a lie 2 hours. So I gave her another chance making it clear that this was it if she messed up again or didn’t respect my boundaries or me as a person or if we can’t work together then I was done. She said she understood and a week later she tried to breakup again I remind her of the words in the 22 page letter and her episode of crying asking for another chance and she responds saying “that’s how I felt at that time this is now) like wtf. But she did remind me that she felt disgusted still at herself for what she done.

 Anyway we sorted that out next day and we were back to talking again. We had some great times really good times we were happy together the last 2 months going for walks along the beach days our meals out we were actually getting somewhere so it seemed. We wanted her to move in to my flat so she went home to tell her mum and her mum who is diagnosed bpd went mental calling me a narcissist control freak etc basically saying no she isnt moving in. (Pathetic. She is 20 I had to remind her she can do whatever she wants) anyway long story short she simply could not say no to her mum no matter how much we spoke about it. We were on off again for a week every couple of days talking again. Until we had a huge argument, I flipped shoved her (again) (I know really not good and I’m not happy with myself and take full responsibility) we were screaming arguing until her mum come and picked her up. I then received a message from her saying “after this I want nothing to do with you, you’ve proved to me nothing will ever change” she then blocked me on every platform.

2 days later she unblocked me on Facebook, but the block remains in place everywhere else for the last 8 days (currently). She has since posted a few undirects on her Facebook (sad quotes about relationship related things) but not tried to reach out at all. I have caught her once or twice unblocking me on TikTok for an only a few seconds (I’m guessing to check my posts/pages/reposts) but then blocked again. Within the last 8 days since she blocked me I spent the first 3/4 days trying to get through to her, every call I tried she would hang up immediately upon hearing my voice, every text I’d send from different numbers were ignore. I decided to spend £150 on 100 roses, a bottle of rosé and a teddy and had that delivered to her door, again no direct response but I did notice that she had posted a quote from the film “after” on her Facebook a few days ago (around the same time receiving the roses) which I had also referenced the film in a small note sent with the roses. Thought this was a bit coincidental but could be wrong.

It’s now been 3 days that I’ve been completely silent and it will stay this way from my side now.

What is to be expected or to happen, her family obviously have now formed a very strong opinion on me and dislike me completely obviously I can understand this but also this has only given her mum more reasons as to why she shouldn’t move in with me. I should also mention that at the start of this breakup (currently 8 days ago) she decided to recycle an old friend of hers that she hasn’t spoken to within the last 4 months so that’s just great he is also an enabler to her bpd and had caused us many issues in the previous relationship that we had together, by gossiping and being very childish. I should also mention that the other people that she was friends with previously mugged her off completely within the last 4 months and she did end up cancelling going on the holiday because we were back speaking again, she cut the friends off because they were mugging her off behind her back and didn’t end up paying her back the money for the holiday she had paid for over the months

I hope I’ve made this clear enough of an update. I do not know what to expect or what is going to happen but Thankyou for reading.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[IMissHer21]

A timeline of my on/off relationship with my U/BPD partner. Currently NC.

After 8 months of being together with 22 breakups initiated by her and no change in behaviour in regards to listening and respecting my boundaries/boundaries we set together as a couple, the coming and going constantly, the false promises, the future faking but never any unloyalty). I decided I had had enough. So I ended things myself. I went no contact and we didn’t speak or have any communication for 4/5 months.

One day I was out in town (we both live in the same town) drinking with my friends. Suddenly I look up and lock eyes with her as she crosses the road. I turn around as to avoid her, but she grabs my arm and says “can we talk”I said not really but ended up hearing what she had to say anyway. She said stuff along the lines of “I’ve never been able to get over you, I miss you, I never stopped loving you etc” she was not drunk but had been drinking all day as she had been at a festival all day. Her phone which was on her lap lit up as a notification came through and I saw that her wallpaper was a photograph of her an another one of her exes which she had seen at said festival earlier in the day and also kissed them. (This from the girl that constantly said how she hated her exes and basically didn’t know what she was thinking ever being with them) I said “really you’ve never been able to get over me yet your wallpaper suggests otherwise. She then changed her wallpaper to a photo of her and I from the 8 month relationship that we had previously been in. I said “you need to delete all of the photos and forget about me” I showed her my phone and how I had deleted all photos/memories during the 5 months apart. As I was showing her that I had deleted everything she saw a photo of a girl I was previously talking to in my camera roll, stood up and walked away. I thought that was it.

Fast forward a couple of days later and she texts basically saying her feelings are so strong since talking to and seeing me again and she wants to sort things so we did we went for cocktails and explained how neither of us had been with anyone else, physically emotionally or sexually since we had split 4/5 months ago. (This is a fact by the way) we both had talking stages but this had lasted 2 days for both of us.

The last couple of months we have been together again but not officially in a relationship. I’ve been asking her repeatedly to get on the same page as me and that I won’t be becoming official with her until I absolutely know that this time there isn’t going to be any games… she seemed serious constantly watching videos on bpd admitting she may have it and resonating with a lot of things discussed on forums and in videos on bpd. One day we had had an argument and she split resulting in a mini breakup again. Next day I see her in the club grinding on some random guy. I called her a nasty name and walked out crying. She then proceeded to blow my phone up on no caller id… I didn’t pick up she showed up at the flat, I went mental screaming calling her every name and told her to go to her mums. She kept saying sorry but I didn’t want to hear it.

Next day I had 472 phone calls from her come through and an 18 page letter admitting to how sorry she was and everything in the letter was incredibly in depth and showed she seemed to have genuine remorse for her actions. She overly apologised and just kept repeating how disgusted she was at herself she asked me for another chance I said I’m heartbroken and need to think about it it’s not something I ever thought you would do, she kept saying “that’s not her she didn’t know what she was thinking” 

next day I went to work thought about it came back to the flat, I walked in on her watching YouTube videos on bpd relationships, I sat down told her I’d been thinking and I can’t do it to myself to give her another chance. She hysterically started crying begging me holding onto my arms and crying hard just kept repeating please give me another chance, I can’t lose you, I’m so sorry, I’ll do whatever it takes” this lasted for no word of a lie 2 hours. So I gave her another chance making it clear that this was it if she messed up again or didn’t respect my boundaries or me as a person or if we can’t work together then I was done. She said she understood and a week later she tried to breakup again I remind her of the words in the 22 page letter and her episode of crying asking for another chance and she responds saying “that’s how I felt at that time this is now) like wtf. But she did remind me that she felt disgusted still at herself for what she done.

 Anyway we sorted that out next day and we were back to talking again. We had some great times really good times we were happy together the last 2 months going for walks along the beach days our meals out we were actually getting somewhere so it seemed. We wanted her to move in to my flat so she went home to tell her mum and her mum who is diagnosed bpd went mental calling me a narcissist control freak etc basically saying no she isnt moving in. (Pathetic. She is 20 I had to remind her she can do whatever she wants) anyway long story short she simply could not say no to her mum no matter how much we spoke about it. We were on off again for a week every couple of days talking again. Until we had a huge argument, I flipped shoved her (again) (I know really not good and I’m not happy with myself and take full responsibility) we were screaming arguing until her mum come and picked her up. I then received a message from her saying “after this I want nothing to do with you, you’ve proved to me nothing will ever change” she then blocked me on every platform.

2 days later she unblocked me on Facebook, but the block remains in place everywhere else for the last 8 days (currently). She has since posted a few undirects on her Facebook (sad quotes about relationship related things) but not tried to reach out at all. I have caught her once or twice unblocking me on TikTok for an only a few seconds (I’m guessing to check my posts/pages/reposts) but then blocked again. Within the last 8 days since she blocked me I spent the first 3/4 days trying to get through to her, every call I tried she would hang up immediately upon hearing my voice, every text I’d send from different numbers were ignore. I decided to spend £150 on 100 roses, a bottle of rosé and a teddy and had that delivered to her door, again no direct response but I did notice that she had posted a quote from the film “after” on her Facebook a few days ago (around the same time receiving the roses) which I had also referenced the film in a small note sent with the roses. Thought this was a bit coincidental but could be wrong.

It’s now been 3 days that I’ve been completely silent and it will stay this way from my side now.

What is to be expected or to happen, her family obviously have now formed a very strong opinion on me and dislike me completely obviously I can understand this but also this has only given her mum more reasons as to why she shouldn’t move in with me. I should also mention that at the start of this breakup (currently 8 days ago) she decided to recycle an old friend of hers that she hasn’t spoken to within the last 4 months so that’s just great he is also an enabler to her bpd and had caused us many issues in the previous relationship that we had together, by gossiping and being very childish. I should also mention that the other people that she was friends with previously mugged her off completely within the last 4 months and she did end up cancelling going on the holiday because we were back speaking again, she cut the friends off because they were mugging her off behind her back and didn’t end up paying her back the money for the holiday she had paid for over the months

I hope I’ve made this clear enough of an update. I do not know what to expect or what is going to happen but Thankyou for reading.

[re_search1901]

I mean this is in the nicest way possible. I know you are suffering and really struggling, but it seems to me that it would be wise to maybe take a few days to yourself and try and distract your mind from your current situation. There's been 4+ threads in the past couple days.

Its going to be okay, go take a few days and do something you love to do. Connect with yourself and remember that you were okay without this person before they came into your life. I understand your struggle, we've all been there, but you've got to stop ruminating and tying yourself in knots over this. Just let things happen.  You both clearly need some space and time to let things diffuse a little.

[IMissHer21]

Thankyou for this, I am aware that I am incredibly codependent my ex and I actually believe I may have bpd myself. I don’t know. But yes I will take a few days to relax. Thankyou.