Pictures

[dtkm]

As I am sure with most other BPDs, my uBPDh has certain things that he turns to each time he splits. One of his old go tos is ti take any picture of the 2 of us or meaningful picture pertaining to our relationship down each time he splits. I used to put them back up immediately, then I started to wait some and would do so when he switches back and finally I just decided not to worry about it and left all of the pictures down. Most of the pictures are in our bedroom so it doesn’t really matter that we have bare walls with random picture hanging nails on the wall. There is one in the main part of the house where he took down the picture of the 2 of us, but left the kids pictures. Since doing so, and showing that I don’t really care, he hasn’t continued with this any longer…there are a couple more pictures he could take down!  He go to as of late is trying to manipulate me financially and up his verbal attacks…mainly he yells at me that I am trying to control his life because I won’t sign over the title to “his” (but really our) car to him. I am not trying to control anything, in reality I am waiting until I meet with a financial lawyer to see their take on if that is a good thing to do or not. Because I am not cooperating, he has split me once again (2nd time for this one, though I don’t think this is the real reason he is splitting). When it starts, I can see it coming a mile away. I continue my day as usual, he starts his yelling, accusations, etc and I say “I’m not doing this with you there are kids around” and continue on with my day…hitting record on my phone so he can see that I am recording. He shuts up pretty quickly, but splits…gives me and MY kids the silent treatment and goes over and above for “our” kids…he bought them 2 ice creams the other day and nothing for “my” kids, etc. and he does very little around the house and with t the kids when I get home from work, even though I have had to pick up extra work because he lost his job a couple of months ago and is splitting during each interview, thus he doesn’t get very far in the process. He has chosen to spend 2+ hours at the gym each morning instead of studying or applying for jobs…and today he has spent a good amount of the day playing video games, while I run around like a crazy person taking care of the kids and the house. Anyway back to my original issue…when I got home today, I realized that the only picture still up in our bedroom, which is a picture of me, from before I had even met him, which means a lot to me, had been taken down. I know that this was done to get a reaction out of me. My first instinct was to confront him and make a big issue…we all know that that won’t work and is what he wants, so I won’t do that!  My next thought was to text him, to please leave my property alone. No, that gives him what he wants (to make me upset) too…I am pretty sure he put it in the basement. Part of me wants to find it and put it back up, but I feel like that will start the game I am
trying not to participate in. I could wait until he switches back and talk to him about it then, but he is 2 totally different people when he is splitting and when he is not, so I don’t think that he would even remember. I just had a thought that maybe I could find it and put it up somewhere that only I go like my clothes closet. Any thoughts on what to do? 

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[Notwendy]

The key here is meaningful property- to you. My BPD mother does this. If she knows something is meaningful to someone and she's upset with them- she will use it as punishment- either to hold on to it and not let the person have it or destroy it.

The only boundary I can think of is that- if it's important to me, I need to not have it where she can get to it. If she already owns it, I can't be attached to it.

If this were my mother, what I'd do if you want that picture is to look for it and then put it in a safe place. One idea is to get a safe deposit box at the bank- they are relatively inexpensive. Put anything of value in it- pictures, documents like your birth certificate, in that box. If you have pictures you want to keep- make copies of them, put the original in the box. This way if he takes the copy, it won't be as emotional for you.