Recent sibling BPD diagnosis; helpful tips/advice to navigate?

[Catherine25]

Hi All,

Based on a number of factors, and that my sister has been referred to a dual diagnosis treatment center, we believe that she has been diagnosed with BPD. I've been reading about the condition for the past two days and it is my sister exactly. Her verbal/emotional abusiveness, unbelieveable rage rants, delusion, lack of accountability, acting like a spoiled brat/entitled, paranoia, etc. are no longer tolerable for me. Personally, I've done nothing but be loving and supportive my entire life, have always had her best interest at heart and this last anger episode was so horrible, so venemous, that I have no other choice but to disengage. There are certain situations where we will have to interact and I'm just keeping it non-emotional and above board.

Our family is in shock as we thought she was dealing with an addiction and needed to grow up. But we're realizing the extent of what we thought we were dealing with is much greater and severe.

She is a complete bully then flips and goes the opposite way. Anyway - I'm sure this is old hat to many here!!!

I would just welcome any advice you had for me or my family. I have to go essentially no contact minus the times that I do now. She's always looking for a fight so I'm trying to just do short, nice, factual responses then back away.

[anon3232]

As with dealing with just anyone, YMMV. It makes a big difference on whether or not she acknowledges her condition and confronts it. If she is working towards improving, then help her on that but also maintain your boundaries. If she isn't working towards improving, then she's much more likely to be a lost cause in which case you should consider cutting your losses.

As for people around her, I'd say go LC if she is being a complete burden. After all, you have to look after yourselves and other loved ones.

[pumpkin2020]

Hello Catherine25,

Reading your post, I felt like you were describing my situation to a T, wow. It is so devastating to come to this conclusion, that you have to disengage, when actually what you want most would be a close relationship with your sibling. 

I don't have any particular advice, beyond of course, take care of yourself, stay close to those who are very supportive so you don't feel too lonely as you experience this loss. 

What's tricky I find is how to manage other family members' responses as you disengage and back away.  They should understand since they've also witnessed these rages and have been on the receiving end of the unacceptable behavior, but not everyone is always on the same page when it comes to cutting ties.

In my case, I have maintained contact, letting my sister initiate and responding when she does, keeping it mainly superficial.  My therapist explained "dosing" to me -- Just hanging with her in small doses, which seems easier for me than completely cutting off.  I also don't find engaging with my sister to be productive whatsoever; trying to reason with her gets me nowhere and actually exacerbates the bad mood.  Seeking help through these support groups, friends and a therapist is also great.

Wishing you strength  ,
-Pumpkin