Hello All,
I posted here under
Please help for years but lost my account somehow.
Parents divorced when I was a kid , bounced between relatives houses, father in and out of prison, mother ( deceased) has 4 baby daddies, etc.
Father started new family when I was 15/16. His ex (divorced after a few years) took kids and he did not meet them until they were 14 years old. I didnt really know him myself until I was 13/14 as well. Left home at 18 never looked back.
F and his wife would say im and instigator, no good , blah, blah. I was a jerk Im sure I was as they were spoiled brats ( both families gave them money, houses, etc) and they were junkies. I called it out for what it was.
No contact since 18. 7 years ago F came back around asking relatives if I had money etc. Of course he denies saying that. Immediately started in with same dynamics of accusations. I flipped out then " I was crazy", etc" He told me how I f'ed him over but he survived. No questions about my life at all.
Met him only 10x approximately in person. Both his kids with ex were junkies. Son currently in rehab and daughter got sober, lives a good life and is a nurse.
His latest accusation was I am an a-hole for abandoning family. I told him have a licsw call me to mediate and if his kids wanted to talk, they will call without him triangulating things.
Im not connected with family on FB . However, in the span of 5 minutes i received friend invite from F and 1/2 sister. I responded to neither but told 1/2 sister via message she can call me which she did.
We spoke 2x and she wants to have lunch. Thankfully, I live very far away and will move further if needed
.
Based on her social media and our conversations, shes a nurse and is a "healer" . In our world, co dependent is the term. Loves her parents. She was in hospital giving birth and M was shooting her up with H. (why waste money on an epidural/ sarc)
She was telling me not to have hate , her F is not a good F but great friend. Hes so distraught over not having contact with me and how I just flip out on him etc. Her parents never said anything bad about me. On the contrary, I good guy. However, she did say she was told I left at 18 and I was involved in violent crimes and had to flee. Thats what my parents told people. I was violent drug dealer and had to leave country. Thats an easier story than " he thinks were are spoiled junkies"
Her mother has psychosis from cocaine and is not functioning. Lives in section 8 and plans on trying to hook back up with my F according to 1/2 sister.
I was blamed for ruining my F life as he had to marry my M so not to be arrested for statutory rape ( she was 16 he was 21) , he served prison time and got a few more years as judge saw surveillance of me in car with his as a toddler jumping around while doing drug deals. All those things ruined his life.
His daughter seems to see her parents weak and in need of her. She was in foster care herself. Maybe she is just happy to be able to connect with them about something ( their needs ) and have the relationship she always desired?
There is nothing to reconcile really. He needs to bring a licsw in as a mediator as I will not listen to his accusations. Hes an awful person and have no real interest in making room in my life for a sick , old man who abused me. He was whining via text how abusive I am to him. I explained everything I said were things he said to me as a kid. Word for word.
Relationships are fickle and need to be treated with care.
Her M hooked with with my F when she was 23 and he was 37. He told her he had kids but wasnt in their lives. He got sick of paying child support, wanted a proper apartment for his new lady so he had my brother and I move in with him and new girlfriend. She said this was stressful. We showed up on her doorstep one day and basically intruded into her life. This caused her to get hooked on drugs and miscarry a baby. All our fault. Our M didnt want us as she was too busy screwing guys. I dropped out of school for a while as I was babysitting her kids all day. She wouldn't come home for a few days at a time. I remembered my F and he wasnt bad from what I recalled and I knew I should be in school. He thought hed save money on child support by having us live with him. He quickly realized there wasnt much savings. I told my little brother a few weeks after we moved in that this was a mistake. We should have went into foster care as the state was trying to put us in.
My question is what is her motivation for trying to reconcile my F and I?
She could just be curious about me. However, Im already hearing " the lecture" about to get over anger and embrace F. She has a few assault charges. She beat up landlord who evicted her M. Hope that adds some color to her personality for you.
She must know Im the scapegoat. How does the flying monkey see family dynamics by bringing back the estranged scapegoat?
Make her look like golden child even more? Reaffirm I suck? Cement herself into her parents dynamics more? She was jealous when i knew names of F old friends. She wants a deep connection with him and doesnt have it. He and I were always enemies. Maybe jump in and take a few shots at his old enemy (me) to share camaraderie?
Your thoughts and experiences please!
Many thanks in advance
