Happy Thanksgiving?

[Lindama08]

Good morning. Had a rough Thanksgiving holiday with a daughter with BPD from the get-go like could tell things were off in her mood, and things progressed with just an overall feeling like she was annoyed we were there. I brought the majority of the food and worked all preparing it. Our five-year-old grandson was very behavioral and basically left the table to go outside and play. Despite his mother’s urging to come back to the table. Life is just boundary list in his home. My daughter was also on her phone most of the time when I asked her to engage and put down her phone. She stated “you were on your phone too” which was not true as mine was in the other room.

We left earlier than planned and I just felt defeated. My husband and I could’ve had a fine Thanksgiving traveling or going with friends or just being the two of us. Thanks for a place to share. We are now anticipating the Christmas holidays.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Lindama08
It's that time of the year isn't it? 'Happy Families' is in the air - and our experience with our bpd loved ones is quite the opposite.

My BPD dd is always worse at Christmas - and especially during the time leading up to it. I think for someone with intense emotional dysregulation, the emotions around this time are just too much.

I wonder if GS picks up on the mood and tries to 'escape' the tension that his mum creates at these times?

I think it's good that you can think of options and how that would be. Of course these times are traditionally family times, but wonder if having Thanksgiving in a less traditional way might be worth a try? Driving off somewhere for a picnic? Somewhere GS can run around? Go for walk with picnic? Probably the weather too bad?

I find driving helpful with my DD - seems to sooth her a bit.

Anyway I so hope the holidays can be a better time for you. Congratulations on just the fact that you have been able to keep in touch with dd and gs while on the rollercoaster that is BPD. That is not an easy thing to have achieved!

[Plant]

I'm from the UK so we don't celebrate Thanksgiving however I realise that this could be as stressful a time as Christmas so can identify with your situation! We're all lead to believe it's happy family time with snow and Christmas trees and decorations whereas the reality of having a family member with bpd is more likely to be a nightmare