Mixed signals from my ex GF wBPD

[lcsadao]

Context:

3 years relationship, one breakup, then 5 month situationship.

Final talk was around 4 months ago, so this are some things she did in the mean time:

1 - Text out of nowhere with "Just passed by you, saw your sister at the mall yesterday, hahahahahahah" (2 weeks into NC, I ignored)

2 - Unblocked me on instagram right on the date the "memories" feature would show us together happy with my deceased pet (almost 2 months into NC, I didnt react)

3 - Reached out to tell me her debt with my mother was paid, even tho I told her to solve those matters directly with my mother on the day of our final talk. (2 and a half months into NC, I responded with "Ok, thanks.")

4 - Asked me about some TV foot stands she thought would be at my place and they were, the weird part is her tv already has a support to plug directly on the wall. Passed by with her mom to pick it up and it was all smiles. (3 and something months into NC, I just returned it and didn't talk about anything)

5 - Wished my mom a happy birthday directly to me instead of sending it to my mom. (during item 4 talks)

The desperation of the break up passed and I started to see things more clearly, her mom is a diagnosed BPD, her grandparents had it as well... And many behaviors from her brought me to this forum.

I made probably the biggest mistake I could after she picked up her stuff, a day after seeing her I reached out and she was receptive until I asked her out, she took a while to respond and told me she thought it was better not to.

One thing I noticed is that her mom was always pushing or reacting weird because of my ways of treating her daughter (I always been good to her, compliments, gifts, taking her out for dinner).

At this final talk, her reasons for leaving were more like she was repeating stuff that people told her than anything else, I was already sure her mom kinda painted me as a guy with "no future", maybe she influenced my ex to pull the plug? Her mom is always moving from place to place, jumping from relationship to relationship, and almost everytime it took a toll on my ex too.

This last interaction her mom didn't even bother to say hi to me after everything I did for her and her daughter.

With all this info, do you guys think she is done for good now?

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[confusedpartner0]

Hi, I'm by no means an expert, but am currently navigating a similar situation with my ex. In my opinion, the casual and indirect texts seem like a classic mix of boundary pushing and seeking validation that you aren't fully gone. The fear of abandonment can make it difficult for someone with BPD to accept losing a person, especially a former lover.

My partner's mother also likely has BPD. She has meddled excessively in our relationship as you might expect. Regarding this:

"I was already sure her mom kinda painted me as a guy with "no future", maybe she influenced my ex to pull the plug?"

Ignore that. It does not matter. Your employment and career have nothing to do with her mother's opinion of you. You have nothing to do with her mother's opinion of you. I was treated similarly by my ex's mother despite having a successful career and financially supporting him. There is no perfect scenario, no matter what you do or who you are, is entirely meaningless because it just isn't about you. It's about them, their fears, their insular perceptions, their emotional dysfunction, and yes, often, their susceptibility to being influenced by others. Free yourself from any kind of thinking that considers what you could have done better or changed about yourself. You are worthy and deserving of respect just as you are.

"With all this info, do you guys think she is done for good now?"

This is impossible to say, but in my experience, no, they often aren't ever "done for good." How you fit into their life going forward, however, could be very different from how it used to be. If you want to move forward, recognize her timeline could be very different from yours. You will only torture yourself if you expect her to be a certain way in a particular number of days, weeks, or months.

Ask yourself how can you prioritize your well-being, even if the relationship doesn’t return in the form you'd like?

[lcsadao]

Hey, sorry to hear that you are going through something like that.

I am probably still in love with this girl, unfortunately.. Now with christmas and new years coming I am kinda afraid of her reaching out again, I don't know how to react if that happens.

The worst part is that I am already almost 4 months into this breakup and my feelings for her are still the same.