Hi IMissHer21... sounds like there's been a lot of painful back-and-forth recently. I don't think anyone wants that in their relationship... it's stressful and it hurts.
There's a human dynamic that we most often see in teenagers. Here's how it goes.
Parent: "You were out late... you were using drugs, weren't you? All your friends are!"
Teen, who was not using drugs at all: "I wasn't, I swear!"
Parent: "Yeah right... that's the kind of thing kids say when they're getting high. You're grounded for the next month!"
Teen: "If I'm getting grounded for doing nothing wrong, I may as well go get high anyway!"
Nobody likes being accused of doing things they aren't doing -- nobody likes being accused, period (even if they're doing something).
Sometimes accusing a partner of doing something comes out of fear. We love them and are
afraid to lose them, so we hope that if we suspect them of doing something, we'll get a good result: the partner tells us, "No way, I'd never cheat, I love you!"
Unfortunately, our fears can drive us to do ineffective things. If we want to keep a relationship, making accusations of cheating doesn't build it up.
She's accused you of cheating and that hurts you
at your core. You don't feel like she understands the real you. Like you said, you value not cheating.
You've accused her of cheating. That's a big thing to tell a partner. You've experienced being on the receiving end -- it's hard to want to feel close with someone saying that to you.
If you're thinking about reconnecting, maybe we can work with you to find a different way to express your fears of being cheated on -- ways that won't push her away from you (like that "teenager" dynamic above).
she's turned into someone i never thought she would be. The girl that claims to despise cheaters, the girl that claims she wants to be with me until we die, the girl that claims to never move on. just like many people here i had a saviour complex believing i could fix her and that showering her with love would fix her. or believing we are an exception when reading stories on this sub thinking and fully believing that would never happen to me or us. what do you guys think. I'm heartbroken right now realising it was all a mask specific for me. none of it was real.
A lot of members wonder the same thing -- was it real.
We used to have a staff member here who was recovered BPD. Here's what she shared about her experience of love:
Did she ever love me?Give that a read, and let us know what you think.
...
Has she reached out to you at all this past week?
