Moving Cities (again)!

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi Folks,

I need to take a placement for my course, and I can't find one in my area - which is super annoying.

I've been offered one in a northern, arty, affluent, slightly pretentious city which I'm not sure I'd enjoy.

Or one in the same city as my BPD ex (and her bf who threatened me).

It's for six months...

I know there's no right answer to this, but just having it hanging over me... it really stresses me out... I hope it'll be okay, one way or another...!

[SnailShell]

Hi Folks,

I need to take a placement for my course, and I can't find one in my area - which is super annoying.

I've been offered one in a northern, arty, affluent, slightly pretentious city which I'm not sure I'd enjoy.

Or one in the same city as my BPD ex (and her bf who threatened me).

It's for six months...

I know there's no right answer to this, but just having it hanging over me... it really stresses me out... I hope it'll be okay, one way or another...!

[Notwendy]

I know it's your decision to make but if it were me, I'd choose the arty city. It may not be something you enjoy but if this is a school/work placement you are going to need to focus on that. Being close to your ex is possible emotional drama if you run into her or she decided to try to contact you. IMHO, the stress over that possibility is more of a distraction than being in the northern city, which you can decide to go out or stay home in. If you are in a placement with other people-they will be in the same situation as you, and so you would be probably hanging out with them if you went out to eat or do something local.

[seekingtheway]

How are you doing in the whole detachment process with your ex? How strong are you feeling generally?

I live close to my ex and it continues to be a stress on my nervous system and depending on what is going on with my life it keeps me in a hyper-vigilant mode when I'm out and about in places where there's a chance he might also turn up. It's also made for some awkward bump-ins that do set me back. Because of the back and forth nature of our relationship and his chronic instability, I never knew what was around the corner and was constantly waiting for 'something else' to happen... I still haven't been able to let that go. So if I had an easy option of avoiding some of that, I'd take it... but that's me.

There's also silver linings in terms of pushing through discomfort and growing beyond it. But if you don't have to, it might be more beneficial in terms of you focusing on your work placement?

Six months is a fairly short amount of time to live somewhere you don't really love. There could also be some silver linings in terms of pushing yourself to spend time in an area you might not otherwise?

[SnailShell]

Hi guys,

thanks for your thoughts!

Yeah... to be honest, I'm feeling a similar thing...

I still have a sense that she'll be back some time.

She might not be - it'd be better if she wasn't.

I'm also expecting some kind of police call, because I can imagine her falsely accusing me (I've kept a lot of texts/letters etc which show the situation for what it was).

So yeah... I'd still have to commute to her city once a month for the next six months; and my placement is VERY part time... but at least I know I wouldn't see her.

The again, she was pretty reclusive - by and large - and tended to stay in her little area; whereas I'm more in the city centre, wanting to be where the life is.

There is progress though - this is the first month that I've flown in without feeling very deeply like I'm in 'her place'.

Her presence is still kinda hanging around me over here, but not so much - and this city feels a little bit more like mine; with her just a bit-part player in it.

I'm sure my feelings will ebb and flow, but I'm encouraged by where they are at the moment!