gotta laugh (or cry)

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi!  I hope everyone survived Thanksgiving!  Speaking of....I just have to laugh (I have spent almost 2 years crying...time for a new emotion!) at Thanksgiving dinner (to add to daily dysfunction) that my pwBPD attended with my estranged sister, pwBPD said I "failed her" before she was even born, because she did not ask to be born, so...I am the reason, she "is like this" ....what does that even MEAN?

[BPDstinks]

Hi!  I hope everyone survived Thanksgiving!  Speaking of....I just have to laugh (I have spent almost 2 years crying...time for a new emotion!) at Thanksgiving dinner (to add to daily dysfunction) that my pwBPD attended with my estranged sister, pwBPD said I "failed her" before she was even born, because she did not ask to be born, so...I am the reason, she "is like this" ....what does that even MEAN?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[js friend]

HiBpdstinks,

Iam sorry.....but that made me chuckle.

My udd would often say things to me that were meant to be mean but were quite the opposite and laughable, and I would just take it as such.

[js friend]

Ps......Im really glad that you are getting your sense of humour back.

[Sancho]

Hi BPDstinks
Definitely laugh!

In fact I think it it helpful when something like that is said because it is so meaningless that it can remind us that so much of what is directed at parents from a BPD child is such a long way from the facts.

It helps us let these words fly past us  . . .

[CC43]

Hi there,

Sadly, your daughter just can’t seem to get past the past, and she’s delusional with the notion that a person can grant permission for their own birth. She’s really grasping here for something to be mad about. She might be projecting her perceived lack of control onto you. I bet she feels very child-like, with little agency over her own life and feeling highly dependent on others. The bright side is that she can’t find anything terrible to say about you, so she resorts to the absurd!  That’s indicative of the « borderline » in BPD, the sometimes delusional thinking patterns.

At least she showed up to the family gathering and made an effort. In my opinion, that’s a pretty big step in the right direction. If she didn’t have a meltdown, that’s something to smile about, and not because it’s absurd. I think holidays are really tough for BPD and it’s great she showed up knowing you would be there.

[BPDstinks]

Thank you for the kind words....(I just wanted to point out....sadly, I was NOT there...I am no longer invited to my sister's (where dinner was), however, (I started going to a new therapist) the fact pwBPD is connecting to someone is more important (that sounds martyrish, however, that is how I feel!) pwBPD also commented that I did not make copies of her graduation pictures (SIX years ago)....for me, the point is, I did my VERY best...my sincere New Year wish is that pw BPD finds PEACE, because that is what I am trying to do...I feel like I want to be the "best version" of myself WHEN pw BPD would like to participate in life again!