...and I had been her primary support. However, 4 years ago after I had given her weeks of my time to help her through two surgeries, she told me she felt abandoned. I’ve then realized that no matter how much I gave it would never be enough. I have been setting boundaries that are important for my life and mental health. One of them is we will only talk once a week. She was texting me multiple times a day and when I didn’t respond, she would reach out to ask if I had received her messages.
By the way, I am still working And live four hours away. I think all my choices have reached her. That I moved from one hour away to four hours away and that I don’t wrap my life around her. However, she won’t say any of these things to me, and I am left feeling like I am living in Oz.
ever since then I have been trying to figure out what is going on....
I have done a lot of mental health work, and I have been spending the last few years seeking a sense of peace for myself in this relationship and it bothers me more than anything else in my life. I am so looking forward to connecting with this community.
Sigh. I have read so many books. Done so much thinking and analyzing, and reflection, and learning, so that I could help myself since my uBPD mom can't/wouldn't help herself.
A few things have helped me more than anything else. One is this site - which is a tremendous support, and takes away the isolation since we have a community of people who "get it", and who support each other.
I too started with Eggshells. It's a great place to start. Then progressed onto so many others. One I recommend is Co-dependent No More by Melody Beatty.
You might think "I'm not Co-Dependent!" I did
. But we're probably all co-dependent or we wouldn't be here. Anyone struggling in a relationship with a pwbpd who is sucking the joy out of your life is going to find this book helpful, if you're a reader. It helped me shift my thinking. And it gave me strategies. It deepened my understanding. And it let me see that I needed to stop rescuing. Many examples are for intimate relationships, but the underlying issues are the same. Despite this, I found it one of the most impactful books I read (out of...20 ish?) for my situation.
If this issue with your sister is bothering you possibly more than anything else in your life, there is going to be co-dependency. Getting to the bottom of that is helpful.
