>From Friendship to Confusion: Unraveling the Signs of Emotional Turmoil

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello everyone!

I would like to talk to you about something that has never happened to me before, and only later did I realize that it might involve a borderline personality. I would appreciate your support.

This woman and I have known each other since 2007 because she was a friend of my cousin, who at that time was living in my parents' house. So, there were moments until 2010 when this girl was at my house, and we spent time together, even going out.

In 2011, this girl started dating a guy, and fast forward to 2021: they have two children, work together, and live together. Everything seems nice; this is what is on her Facebook profile.

In 2021, I started working in the same warehouse where she and her boyfriend work. I was in one room alone while they were in another room. Everything was normal until the end of 2022 when she completely changed her attitude towards me and started doing things she hadn't done before:
- She came into my office very often, at least twice a day, to ask for help with trivial matters.
- She dressed very well, very polished, even wearing makeup. She seemed ready for a date.
- Through the reflection on my computer screen, I noticed that when she stood behind me while I was sitting looking for some things on the PC, she would steal glances at me and look at my muscular areas and even down there.
- Meanwhile, on her social media, she posted about how her 10-year relationship with her current boyfriend was coming to an end.

All of this lasted for five months, but she never took any "daring" steps by directly telling me that she liked me or touching me; it was just obvious signs of attraction like running her hands through her hair, looking at me with very intense eyes, tilting her neck, using a very seductive tone of voice, and you could feel her excitement from her breathing.

I, being single and currently seeing some women for dating, was very tempted by this seduction to invite her or make some moves because we had known each other since we were kids. This girl has always attracted me for some reason, even though she is not "aesthetically" what I expected. However, I resisted because of her relationship, the fact that she worked with her boyfriend, and because of her children.

So after five months of "seduction," it happened that this girl got pregnant with her third child. Very suddenly, she erased all those behaviors she had towards me and completely ignored me. She even unfollowed me on social media, leaving me only the possibility to see her content. In reality, I still see her interested because she does things on purpose like ignoring me or deliberately avoiding me.

So I told all this to my cousin who revealed some very important details:
- In her relationship, after about a year, she cheated on her boyfriend with a guy she was seeing while attending university. In fact, they would go together in the car and did it many times. The guy wanted to break off the relationship but she threatened suicide in front of his house; he calmed her down and took her back into the relationship.
 
- I learned about her past—how she has never really been single and couldn't stay alone for long; how she couldn't maintain friendships; how she constantly changed social circles.

Indeed, it gave me the impression—even when I was at work—that both I and her boyfriend were concerned about how she didn't respect work hours or how she would say she was in one place but was actually somewhere else; this indicated that in the meantime she might have had other relationships.
She is someone who might have sex with a person she has been with for a day, just because she is dating or she is in proximity, spending time with them.

Now in all this, you might ask what should I do?

Well, I would like to recognize if this girl is borderline because I want to be able to better identify patterns if it happens again in the future. I want to say that this girl is not genuinely interested in me as a person but only because she was looking for someone really kind like me at a time when she needed comfort and felt "abandoned" by her current partner. She was reaching out to me to feel secure that she wouldn't be abandoned. Since I never extended that hand to her, she never reached out to me; that's why now she's totally ignoring me and wants me to be distant.

Even if her relationship isn't all roses—indeed they argue a lot with her current boyfriend—she is looking for someone with whom she can recreate that attachment she had before the situation of abandonment arose and before she got hurt.

With my post, I don't want to insult anyone; rather I'm trying to better understand the dynamics of how borderline individuals seduce and attach themselves to others with whom they want to establish a relationship. From what I've gathered, they first look for stable points in another person so they can detach from their old one.

[lillo9546]

Hello everyone!

I would like to talk to you about something that has never happened to me before, and only later did I realize that it might involve a borderline personality. I would appreciate your support.

This woman and I have known each other since 2007 because she was a friend of my cousin, who at that time was living in my parents' house. So, there were moments until 2010 when this girl was at my house, and we spent time together, even going out.

In 2011, this girl started dating a guy, and fast forward to 2021: they have two children, work together, and live together. Everything seems nice; this is what is on her Facebook profile.

In 2021, I started working in the same warehouse where she and her boyfriend work. I was in one room alone while they were in another room. Everything was normal until the end of 2022 when she completely changed her attitude towards me and started doing things she hadn't done before:
- She came into my office very often, at least twice a day, to ask for help with trivial matters.
- She dressed very well, very polished, even wearing makeup. She seemed ready for a date.
- Through the reflection on my computer screen, I noticed that when she stood behind me while I was sitting looking for some things on the PC, she would steal glances at me and look at my muscular areas and even down there.
- Meanwhile, on her social media, she posted about how her 10-year relationship with her current boyfriend was coming to an end.

All of this lasted for five months, but she never took any "daring" steps by directly telling me that she liked me or touching me; it was just obvious signs of attraction like running her hands through her hair, looking at me with very intense eyes, tilting her neck, using a very seductive tone of voice, and you could feel her excitement from her breathing.

I, being single and currently seeing some women for dating, was very tempted by this seduction to invite her or make some moves because we had known each other since we were kids. This girl has always attracted me for some reason, even though she is not "aesthetically" what I expected. However, I resisted because of her relationship, the fact that she worked with her boyfriend, and because of her children.

So after five months of "seduction," it happened that this girl got pregnant with her third child. Very suddenly, she erased all those behaviors she had towards me and completely ignored me. She even unfollowed me on social media, leaving me only the possibility to see her content. In reality, I still see her interested because she does things on purpose like ignoring me or deliberately avoiding me.

So I told all this to my cousin who revealed some very important details:
- In her relationship, after about a year, she cheated on her boyfriend with a guy she was seeing while attending university. In fact, they would go together in the car and did it many times. The guy wanted to break off the relationship but she threatened suicide in front of his house; he calmed her down and took her back into the relationship.
 
- I learned about her past—how she has never really been single and couldn't stay alone for long; how she couldn't maintain friendships; how she constantly changed social circles.

Indeed, it gave me the impression—even when I was at work—that both I and her boyfriend were concerned about how she didn't respect work hours or how she would say she was in one place but was actually somewhere else; this indicated that in the meantime she might have had other relationships.
She is someone who might have sex with a person she has been with for a day, just because she is dating or she is in proximity, spending time with them.

Now in all this, you might ask what should I do?

Well, I would like to recognize if this girl is borderline because I want to be able to better identify patterns if it happens again in the future. I want to say that this girl is not genuinely interested in me as a person but only because she was looking for someone really kind like me at a time when she needed comfort and felt "abandoned" by her current partner. She was reaching out to me to feel secure that she wouldn't be abandoned. Since I never extended that hand to her, she never reached out to me; that's why now she's totally ignoring me and wants me to be distant.

Even if her relationship isn't all roses—indeed they argue a lot with her current boyfriend—she is looking for someone with whom she can recreate that attachment she had before the situation of abandonment arose and before she got hurt.

With my post, I don't want to insult anyone; rather I'm trying to better understand the dynamics of how borderline individuals seduce and attach themselves to others with whom they want to establish a relationship. From what I've gathered, they first look for stable points in another person so they can detach from their old one.

[lillo9546]

So I told all this to my cousin who revealed some very important details:
... The guy wanted to break off the relationship but she threatened suicide in front of his house; he calmed her down and took her back into the relationship.


Sorry for my wrong english here.
This line is better said as this:

... her actual boyfriend wanted to break off the relationship but she threatened suicide in front of his house; then he calmed her down and took her back into the relationship, even tho she cheated on him.

[kells76]

Hello and

There's a wide range of traits, behaviors, actions, and personalities that could fall under the umbrella of BPD -- not every pwBPD (person with BPD) suffers from the same symptoms, has the same personalities, acts out in the same way, or has the same tendencies.

A good place to start learning more about BPD is our discussion on Is BPD a spectrum disorder?; another good resource is our article "I think it's Borderline Personality Disorder, but how can I know?".

If you have a chance, take a look at those links -- let us know if anything stands out to you, or seems pertinent to your situation.

Probably the most helpful thing for you, too, is get clarity on what your goal is, in gaining more understanding of BPD. I think you mentioned wanting to identify future patterns. Are you looking to reconnect with her specifically, or just in general wanting to have healthier future relationships (not with her)?