I ended my relationship 3 weeks ago, with someone I believe suffered from undiagnosed BPD. I won't diagnose anyone obviously. But almost all 9 traits are present; instances of all nine at times during our relationship. She does suffer from depression, anxiety, adhd, uncontrolled nausea, and migraines. All medicated.
I feel lost, I feel addicted. I'm in therapy and have been the past 2 years. I'm having an extremely hard time coming to terms with this. I work with this person and accommodations have been made. We did live together and shared 4 dogs as well as her 2 cats. I feel like my life is in shambles.
The traditional love bombing, devaluation and all happened. But I left. Not her.
How do you unravel this? How do you stop ruminating? I watch videos, research, read, etc. I'm not eating, sleeping or even existing at my previous level. I am just 'here'. I'm assuming she's moved on as that is how I met her, immediately after she ended an engagement. That hurts too, I thought I was special...
Anyone have any advice?
First welcome to the fam.
You picked a great place to come to for support. When I say we get it here I mean it. With that said...hey you are going to be okay and you are going to make it through this. Your story although it may be unique to you is common to many who are members here so there will be plenty who can relate to you.
So this is a bit complex...First, I do want to say that you individually are special, never let yourself be devalued. However, try to enable yourself to let go of the notion that you were special to her. Perhaps you were, but not now and that happens. Yes it hurts and it sucks but it is what it is and you cannot change that.
The only way to stop yourself from ruminating? Give yourself time and accept the ebbs and flows of the grieving process. This will take time. There is no easy way out, no magic button, no secret strategy because everyone is different.
Start focusing on you and what you control and what is in your control. Find a hobby or passion you have pushed to the way side or find something new. The more unique and novel the better...this way you focus on it more.
Give yourself some room to breathe. Seriously. You are not on timeline nor do you have a deadline to meet for this. Simply try to make progress each day. Every day set a new small goal or task that you have to accomplish that is out of the norm for you on a daily basis.
Repeat to yourself...step by step, day by day, brick by brick. Rome was not built in a day.
I think that is enough for the time being. Others will chime in and I will check back in on you. Hang in there my friend we got your back here.
Please be kind to you and please take care of yourself.
Cheers and Best Wishes!
-SC-
