Codependency and parentification

[Me88]

I'll admit the more I read, that I'm quite codependent.  I truly enjoy being able to help, fix things, be needed, etc.

It never bugged me. I never felt I lost myself.  I didn't miss out on hobbies. I saw friends, family etc. But everything truly did revolve around her, and she never said no. 

I dont know if this is parentification, but I was responsible for so much.  I was responsible for making sure she woke up on time for work.  On weekends she'd sleep in until noon...2pm? I'd take care of almost every chores, then go lay in bed, softly rub her back, kiss it, softly tell her it's time to wake up.  She'd make a sad moan sound, ask me to start the insta hot water for her tea. Come out, eat yogurt and make tea then go sleep for another hour asking me to check on her every 15 minutes. 

Any problem she had, I'd try to fix. Car issues, listen to her vent, help her with work tasks, etc. I am very independent and hate asking for help. So I have learned to pretty much do any and everything. Problem is, many times,  when I'd do things for her...she'd question me "are you sure you can change my brakes? That's an important part of a vehicle and I'd hate to die because of your mistake"....doing woodwork, and she tells me she wants me to teach her as she doesn't know how, "I dont think that's right, I dont want to half ass things like you do"....wash her car after a snow storm to get all of the mud and sand and salt off of it, she comes outside smiling and I imagine a thanks or a kiss, but no,  "do you mind washing that part again? Everyone knows you never wash the lower area good enough." Coming from the person who admits they never ever washed cars before we met.

I did as much as I could for her. Hell, I'd paint her toe nails. Help her press on her fake fingernails. Massage her head and neck at least 5 times a week to help with her migraines. Rub her feet. Massage her jaw for her tmj. I even cut her bangs when her hair appointments were pushed back. Bought a massage table and massaged her to help ease her body pain.

I literally tried and did so much to make her life easy, enjoyable, reduced pains. And nothing was ever enough. Many times, a thank you in the moment and I liked that. But every day was always something.

I even requested she stop thanking me, because it always came back at me. I'd tell her "you don't have to thank me or kiss my asz or anything. Just dont be rude. Don't talk sheit. Don't criticize everything I do."

For holidays or days, she'd ask what I want. "I dont need anything babe. Ive been around for decades. Whatever we need we buy throughout the year. And we always surprise each other with gifts. I just want a nice calm day, thats relaxing and all of us having a good time. I just like your love."

I really enjoyed being a happy place for her. A calming part of her life. It made me feel manly, and good to be able to "help my woman". It did give me a purpose outside of work and myself. The parentification never troubled me unless I was treated like garbage with it all.

Lots of venting tonight.

[Me88]

Cannot find the edit button.

Did anyone's partner ever ask if they could lay on top of you. Not sexually, but straddle you,  stomach to stomach,  chest to chest, their face tucked into your neck?

She'd call it "koala'ing me". I'd just be on my back, she'd be on top of me, wrapped around me.

In a hopefully obvious non sexual way, it reminded me of how an infant lays and naps on your chest.

She would just pass out, on top of me. I'd nap too. It felt nice. It felt like my presence and skin contact was somehow calming. Our breathing would match up.  And suddenly we're both asleep. And to be honest,  with every other previous partner, this has never happened. I still stand by my mentality, that she "felt" different.  Presence and simple touch. 

I've been in love several times before. But this woman, goodness.