When will this stop?

[Papaguapa]

My pwBPD left a couple months ago now, we've known each other 10 years, intermittently in a relationship over the last three or four (the whole story is MUCH more complicated, and I'm honestly glad we're not together any more. Nonetheless, I'm still thinking about him all the time. You all probably already know, replaying circular arguments, hating myself for letting myself be abused, etc., the whole deal.

I just want my life back. I'm not the kind of person to sulk, I have a very full life and many interests. I'm not the kind of person to look for drama or want to play the victim. I just want to live my life. This person hasn't hovered this time. I asked him to take care of my cat when I go away in a month. I know what you're thinking, that I'm charming. I'm not. This time I'm really not. I finally have no desire to be with this person again. What I'm thinking is, he always comes back, sooner or later, with this or that need. I'm hoping to be able to gray rock him now. What I want to avoid is him taking the opportunity to ask to "talk." If he does, what should I do???

Over the various reiterations of our relationship he has left me with debt (causing it at a very critical time when my literal survival was at stake), and severe psychological sequels. There was even one incidence of physical violence and him trying to throw me out of our apartment (which I had ended up paying 90% of) illegally. He basically robbed me of the last four years of my life, breaking every promise, contradicting himself every passing day. I've been through several dangerous, life-threatening situations due to the relationship. Obviously no accountability.

I only found out about BPD a couple years ago, and ended up justifying all the abuse and accepting to get back together because of it. No more. Please God. He's seriously enmeshed with his abusive narcissistic mother (the idea for us to move in together was for both of us to save and for him to be able to get away from her), who right now has a choke hold on him. She's making him accumulate debts for her so she can continue to control him. She's also liable (as is he) for economic and vicarious abuse towards me, legally speaking (I'm not going to pursue it, I just want my life back).

When will this stop? When will I stop replaying the whole thing in my head when I have no desire to, but rather to move on and do my activities? The whole things is crystal clear at this point, I'm not the one in the wrong, this is clear to me (I had to go to public psychiatric centers for people to confirm this to me, taking time off work and losing income over it, obviously no accountability from him when we got back together). Still, I can't get fully back to me (which I wholly want to do) and not dwell on it, relive it. What can I do to prevent this from ever happening again and putting my life at risk and possibly never moving on? I had gone no contact at one point, but precisely his mother reached out to me (and then later refused to communicate whatsoever), and that was before I knew about BPD. Is gray rock the correct strategy here? He put me in a delicate situation with my finances, taxes. I frankly need a couple favors from him, might need them in the near future. I'm not rationalizing, it's a matter of literal necessity, otherwise I would have to lodge a complaint (which again, I'm entitled to do, but prefer not to). I'm just hoping to hand him the key to my place, retrieve it from him when I come back and say "take care" as if we barely knew each other, assimilate that he's (frankly) nuts and no longer with me, and go on with my life without thinking about him.

[Papaguapa]

My pwBPD left a couple months ago now, we've known each other 10 years, intermittently in a relationship over the last three or four (the whole story is MUCH more complicated, and I'm honestly glad we're not together any more. Nonetheless, I'm still thinking about him all the time. You all probably already know, replaying circular arguments, hating myself for letting myself be abused, etc., the whole deal.

I just want my life back. I'm not the kind of person to sulk, I have a very full life and many interests. I'm not the kind of person to look for drama or want to play the victim. I just want to live my life. This person hasn't hovered this time. I asked him to take care of my cat when I go away in a month. I know what you're thinking, that I'm hovering him. I'm not. This time I'm really not. I finally have no desire to be with this person again. What I'm thinking is, he always comes back, sooner or later, with this or that need. I'm hoping to be able to gray rock him now. What I want to avoid is him taking the opportunity to ask to "talk." If he does, what should I do???

Over the various reiterations of our relationship he has left me with debt (causing it at a very critical time when my literal survival was at stake), and severe psychological sequels. There was even one incidence of physical violence and him trying to throw me out of our apartment (which I had ended up paying 90% of) illegally. He basically robbed me of the last four years of my life, breaking every promise, contradicting himself every passing day. I've been through several dangerous, life-threatening situations due to the relationship. Obviously no accountability.

I only found out about BPD a couple years ago, and ended up justifying all the abuse and accepting to get back together because of it. No more. Please God. He's seriously enmeshed with his abusive narcissistic mother (the idea for us to move in together was for both of us to save and for him to be able to get away from her), who right now has a choke hold on him. She's making him accumulate debts for her so she can continue to control him. She's also liable (as is he) for economic and vicarious abuse towards me, legally speaking (I'm not going to pursue it, I just want my life back).

When will this stop? When will I stop replaying the whole thing in my head when I have no desire to, but rather to move on and do my activities? The whole things is crystal clear at this point, I'm not the one in the wrong, this is clear to me (I had to go to public psychiatric centers for people to confirm this to me, taking time off work and losing income over it, obviously no accountability from him when we got back together). Still, I can't get fully back to me (which I wholly want to do) and not dwell on it, relive it. What can I do to prevent this from ever happening again and putting my life at risk and possibly never moving on? I had gone no contact at one point, but precisely his mother reached out to me (and then later refused to communicate whatsoever), and that was before I knew about BPD. Is gray rock the correct strategy here? He put me in a delicate situation with my finances, taxes. I frankly need a couple favors from him, might need them in the near future. I'm not rationalizing, it's a matter of literal necessity, otherwise I would have to lodge a complaint (which again, I'm entitled to do, but prefer not to). I'm just hoping to hand him the key to my place, retrieve it from him when I come back and say "take care" as if we barely knew each other, assimilate that he's (frankly) nuts and no longer with me, and go on with my life without thinking about him.