Healing in the environment that made you sick

[Me88]

I do feel like I'm doing better. But not a whole lot. I'm still drinking more than I would like to but I find it slows my rumination and allows me to get my basic chores and dog responsibilities taken care of.

She got an apartment and I'm of course in my home which we shared. Everything still reminds me of her, it's just empty now, but easier to clean which is nice. Every day I pull into the driveway I'm nervous and it seems pathetic.

And we work together. She had picked a temporary office attached to mine before I left her. Luckily my boss was sympathetic and put her in the building next to ours. Problem is her boss is still temporarily in my building still. So, of course she stomps in here a dozen times a day. Walking loud, lanyard keys jingling. I know it's her. Not only is it annoying me, it's annoying a couple of other coworkers who know what has happened. And honestly it just sets me back a little each time.

I'm literally in hiding with my door shut all day. Peeking out to make sure she's not around so I can get water or use the bathroom. I know she is doing this on purpose. If I was so awful and 'abusive' you imagine she'd stay as far away as possible. Makes no sense.

I don't plan on attending department seminars in person anymore. Team gatherings, etc. I'm very hurt still and am not healed yet. It would be much easier if she wasn't so close. I just feel her presence being 30 ft away...

Feeling weak today.

[Pook075]

That's a tough situation where there aren't a lot of answers past, "move and get a new job."  Neither of those things could be an option though and you shouldn't be forced to do anything that you don't want to.  If other co-workers are getting frustrated, then they should complain about it.  Make it their fight, not yours.

[M033]

 
     I go through something similar. One day I feel perfectly strong and back on my feet, then the next day or even in the same day, I feel sad, lonely, and I think about his funny smiling face.

How nobody has made me laugh as hard as he did; like doing his "pajama pants dance "all the way to the couch.

But I journal, and write poems, which I go back to. It reminds me of the hell I went through, especially towards the end. The good times were far and few between the rages, nit picking, manipulating, Jealousies, twisting of words, money waste, and yes.. a much , much, cleaner more organized house.

 My health is much better as well. My stress went way down, but once in a while I get anxious, and feel like I somehow got his anxiety off and on, like catching a cold. I'm trying to figure that out. Perhaps just knowing no one has my back anymore,      ( even though he stabbed me in it numerous times ) If the world was cruel, he jumped in to "protect me" , but he was cruel so often to me, that I have to rationally weigh out those two contradiction of so called protection. I miss one but not the other...
 
Seeing your Ex at work..Ughhhhh. That is rough. I like to play a fitting song in my head , just to humor myself when I need a boost. There is a couple of songs by Thomas Benjamin called "I've got no more F***s to Give!" It's  and "well this is sh**t " banjo styled ..but it has that whimsical, quirky, type that goes well with a female Ex parading noticeably  through the office. Especially when you feel like your'e going crazy in your own head.  - Best of luck and wishes.

[M033]

     I go through something similar. One day I feel perfectly strong and back on my feet, then the next day or even in the same day, I feel sad, lonely, and I think about his funny smiling face.

How nobody has made me laugh as hard as he did; like doing his "pajama pants dance "all the way to the couch.

But I journal, and write poems, which I go back to. It reminds me of the hell I went through, especially towards the end. The good times were far and few between the rages, nit picking, manipulating, Jealousies, twisting of words, money waste, and yes.. a much , much, cleaner more organized house.

 My health is much better as well. My stress went way down, but once in a while I get anxious, and feel like I somehow got his anxiety off and on, like catching a cold. I'm trying to figure that out. Perhaps just knowing no one has my back anymore,( even though he stabbed me in it numerous times ) If the world was cruel, he jumped in to "protect me" , but he was cruel so often to me, that I have to rationally weigh out those two contradiction of so called protection. I miss one but not the other...
 
Seeing your Ex at work..Ughhhhh. That is rough. I like to play a fitting song in my head , just to humor myself when I need a boost. There is a couple of songs by Thomas Benjamin called "I've got no more F***s to Give!" , and "well this is sh**t " banjo styled ..but it has that whimsical, quirky, type that goes well with a female Ex parading noticeably  through the office. Especially when you feel like your'e going crazy in your own head.  - Best of luck and wishes.

[Me88]

That's a tough situation where there aren't a lot of answers past, "move and get a new job."  Neither of those things could be an option though and you shouldn't be forced to do anything that you don't want to.  If other co-workers are getting frustrated, then they should complain about it.  Make it their fight, not yours.

Our plan was to move. I don't, and she didn't want a 2 story house. Thank God the master is downstairs.  I will move, for me. I bought a foreclosure and I'm very handy, like, too much without a license. I can profit 265k or so.

I've been with the feds for a decade now and I'm 1 step away from my "cap". And it'll happen in a year or so.

I try not to involve coworkers, but they've both come to me a few times expressing frustrations. They've seen the initial dating,  and downfall. don't want to entertain it. As a supervisor I don't have Union protection.

No one wants to be involved.  I don't even want to this is all so confusing. 

[seekingtheway]

It's tough trying to heal in the same place where you hold all of your memories of your ex. And it's also tough to have to deal with seeing her at work. It doesn't give your nervous system much of an opportunity to find peace, and I totally understand that you'd be struggling in this situation.

Moving or changing jobs might make the healing process faster and much easier for you, but if those things aren't possible, I believe you can still heal. Just be prepared for some hiccups along the way. It takes time, so be gentle with yourself, and don't expect too much of yourself for a while.

You'll get to a point at some point where you feel it settle in your body, you'll feel confidence begin to return, and you'll have the ability to walk out of the office with your head up, get what you need, and go about your business without too much concern. I know it seems far in the future, but it will happen and you will get there eventually. We all do.

How are you going in terms of processing other parts of the relationship. Do you have a therapist?