What now? How can I stop this?

[lovelySea]

I posted about my break up with my pwBPD. I'm not sure if he knows he has BPD or not because after the break up he completely blocked me from his life, my email, social media, my number etc as if I was the one who wronged him. I guess in his mind that is EXACTLY what happened. As I have been learning more and more about BPD I find myself feeling sorry for him and wondering if I could have been more patient. If knowing would have made me take things less personal and if there's still a chance. After all (in my mind) Other wasn't all bad and not even majority bad. Rationally I feel like there's no way. Thong would only get worse and I would yet again be devaluing myself to uplift him. Healing his inner child instead of my own. I can't shake it. It makes me feel sick. The man has probably already moved in to his next and him saying "you'll just leave me like everyone else" plays in my head daily.

The truth is I tried. I tried to reason with him. I even tried to corner him and force him to see. At times it seemed to work. He was able to snap out of it and remember that he loves me, but other times he stood form and just insulted me in a very passive aggressive way. I keep telling myself he's thinking about me and misses me. Deep down I know that's not true.

I truly just want this to be over it's been 3 weeks and I feel like it's getting worse for me. We have had zero contact.

[scotch_tape387]

I had a similar situation just happen. If you used common sense and acted in a polite/respectful way, I wouldn't worry too much. Personally I treated mine like a gentleman so I don't worry about it too much.

It seems like these relationships play out very similarly to how an actual relationship would, except over time you start to realize the person is struggling with a mental disorder. It's not as cut and dry as you'd think. ...And then you put the pieces together. 

My two cents-- You shouldn't feel upset or sorry for them. Sounds like you were being compassionate the entire time anyway, so I wouldn't worry. I can tell you when the girl with BPD discarded and devalued I went through a crazy range of emotions and very quickly. I even had suicidal ideation, it was that drastic, and rough. And this is someone I had only known for a month or so. At first I evaluated her as if she was a regular girl, but once I realized she is BPD it started making more sense. You're reacting to someone whose behavior is irrational, and trying to make sense of their motivations for doing what they're doing, but they themselves don't understand it, which is why they act that way. It's not about you or anything you did, it's all about them. If you're hurting real bad I would suggest reaching out to friends and some form of therapy whatever that might be... to heal you.. massage, painting, making art, going for a hike, etc.

I think if you trace back to childhood you start to realize they're likely rejecting closeness with others from a bad experience they had, many times. It's a knee-jerk reaction. They want something like that (emotional intimacy) badly, and they are able to give it... but once they receive it back they can't handle it, and freak out and just shut down emotionally. It's brutal when it happens but if anything it shows you are a compassionate person. They can't handle it so they reject. Nothing you could've done differently. In my situation, the BPD person shut down and is only very very slowly showing signs of "lightening up" and obviously it's a learning experience. I could never be in a serious relationship with someone like this, despite how great their personality (on a good day) is, and that hurts, but it's a good learning experience and lesson to realize what happened.

[Pook075]

Don't second guess yourself.  Your ex needs to take his mental health seriously, he needs to be accountable.  That's not your job and he can't get better until he comes to that realization.