Hi RevScot;
A good place to start is the psychologytoday.com "find a therapist" feature at the top of the main page. Start by entering your location; then, you can filter by specialty, and many other variables. There is a "online" filter so you can see who is willing to do remote sessions. Psychologytoday.com is considered a reputable place to search.
I've seen ads online for betterhelp.com but don't have any information about or experience with them. Their main page says it's 100% online.
Some therapists, even if they don't advertise themselves as "remote" or providing online sessions, can do so upon discussion (that is the case with my therapist).
You could consider looking for someone with experience working with pwBPD and/or providing DBT. Even though you don't have BPD, that background could help the therapist understand your situation. And, DBT skills aren't just for pwBPD; the skills help everyone in the family.
I'd start with focusing on getting that additional help for yourself -- that's the one person you can control
