Partner cheated and I think she has BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

TL;DR:
I started therapy after my wife of 13 years cheated on me. My therapist suggested she might have BPD. She's also depressed, has poor physical health, and is financially dependent on me. Our intimacy ended seven years ago, and she has no friends. Despite her infidelity and my shattered emotional bond, we still live together because she hasn't worked and we both love our dog. I'm struggling with whether her cheating can be justified given her mental health issues especially her BPD.
                                                              *******************************
I recently started therapy after my wife of 13 years cheated on me. During therapy, I discussed her behavior, and my therapist suggested that she might have BPD. I wasn't even aware of BPD until then, but after researching, I noticed that she exhibits many signs of it. I always thought her being a very emotionally sensitive person. She has gone through a lot trauma in her childhood, previous breakup and in my marriage with my family. I have always supported her as much as I could and even stopped talking to my family for a very long time. She suffers from depression and her physical health isn't great but can be easily improved. She doesn't work and is financially dependent on me.

In our relationship, I have always endured her emotional outbursts and often remained silent. Due to my rotational work schedule, I'm away for 40 days at a stretch, and in the past, I was gone for up to six months. She never got used to this even after so many years.
 Our intimacy diminished after she became pregnant but didn't want the child, and it has practically ceased over the last seven years. She has no friends and often ends up fighting with her family.

I want to leave her because of her infidelity. Even though I warned her not to do anything like this, because I started having doubt, when I confronted she said she will not do something like this but she went ahead and did it. I have told her that we are separated, but we still live in the same house. She is okay with me leaving as she believes I hate her. However, practically speaking, I can't leave her because she has never worked, financially dependent on me and worried if we divorce she might do something to herself or ruin her life. Despite having a good education and the potential to find a good job, she hasn't made any effort. I also can't leave because of our dog, whom we both deeply love and who she takes care of when I'm away, as we don't have kids.

I acknowledge that I haven't been an good husband and have taken things for granted. My emotional bond with her is shattered, yet she continues to live as if everything is normal. My question, which bothers me after learning about her potential BPD and depression, is whether her cheating can be justified and is there a possibility of dragging this forever?

[Strength567]

TL;DR:
I started therapy after my wife of 13 years cheated on me. My therapist suggested she might have BPD. She's also depressed, has poor physical health, and is financially dependent on me. Our intimacy ended seven years ago, and she has no friends. Despite her infidelity and my shattered emotional bond, we still live together because she hasn't worked and we both love our dog. I'm struggling with whether her cheating can be justified given her mental health issues especially her BPD.
                                                              *******************************
I recently started therapy after my wife of 13 years cheated on me. During therapy, I discussed her behavior, and my therapist suggested that she might have BPD. I wasn't even aware of BPD until then, but after researching, I noticed that she exhibits many signs of it. I always thought her being a very emotionally sensitive person. She has gone through a lot trauma in her childhood, previous breakup and in my marriage with my family. I have always supported her as much as I could and even stopped talking to my family for a very long time. She suffers from depression and her physical health isn't great but can be easily improved. She doesn't work and is financially dependent on me.

In our relationship, I have always endured her emotional outbursts and often remained silent. Due to my rotational work schedule, I'm away for 40 days at a stretch, and in the past, I was gone for up to six months. She never got used to this even after so many years.
 Our intimacy diminished after she became pregnant but didn't want the child, and it has practically ceased over the last seven years. She has no friends and often ends up fighting with her family.

I want to leave her because of her infidelity. Even though I warned her not to do anything like this, because I started having doubt, when I confronted she said she will not do something like this but she went ahead and did it. I have told her that we are separated, but we still live in the same house. She is okay with me leaving as she believes I hate her. However, practically speaking, I can't leave her because she has never worked, financially dependent on me and worried if we divorce she might do something to herself or ruin her life. Despite having a good education and the potential to find a good job, she hasn't made any effort. I also can't leave because of our dog, whom we both deeply love and who she takes care of when I'm away, as we don't have kids.

I acknowledge that I haven't been an good husband and have taken things for granted. My emotional bond with her is shattered, yet she continues to live as if everything is normal. My question, which bothers me after learning about her potential BPD and depression, is whether her cheating can be justified and is there a possibility of dragging this forever?

[Lasttry]

I've learnt a lot about BPD over the last year but lived with someone with it for 26 years, unfortunately someone with BPD doesn't see things the way we do, for them there is no grey areas, simply love or hate, happy or depressed, and not even at normal levels, they seem to be "hyper exaggerated" so you can be loved with all they are seconds before they go off with another person. It is devastating, heart wrenching, even soul destroying, but the illness can't always be an excuse for them, I did this for 25 of those years and I got hurt all the same. I understand you feel the need to take care of your wife? But she's not your responsibility, you will be a carer not a lover. I hope that helps in some way

[Strength567]

Yeah I wish, I should have known about BPD before this cheating incident. Maybe things would be different or maybe not. Going further I am stuck at crossroads, if she had her family or any friends here, I would have left her, just because she does not have anyone, I am going to tell her to go into therapy. My hopes are not high as we tried therapy before for, which we thought was depression but it was BPD all the way. The best outcome would be, if she can gather some inner strength, go into therapy, get a job, then we could move on with our life's. I do not know how long will that take or will it even happen or if it happens, she leaves in between. Right now, we live together and both of us are doing our own things, she is realizing, I am not the same anymore. If it comes to worst and she don't want to improve by herself, we will live as roommates till she gives up on this relationship. Its very hard but I am trying to stay positive and improve myself mentally.

[Lasttry]

Working on yourself is probably the best thing you can do. If she doesn't accept she has an illness then she isn't likely to try for help, hopefully foe both your sakes she gets the help she needs

[Strength567]

I never thought this feeling of betrayal would be so painful, my heart is shattered, I really loved this woman from deep down my heart, even without physical intimacy from so many years, I had a real emotional bond with her.

Now my heart is broken, feels like a mirror is shattered into million small pieces and my heart wants to bring it back to the same shape as before, but no matter what, the mirror cannot be joined back together as before, once broken it will stay broken.

I carry the regret of not talking to my father for almost 6 years, because she hated him, but he always wanted to talk, as I am the only child he had, before passing away in an accident.

I need to heal from this pain of betrayal as I put everything on line for her, it’s gonna be a long journey, but I have faith in me, something inside me says this will pass. I realize, nobody is there for anyone except for my mom, she is the only person who has always been there for me. I have come alone in this world and will leave alone, I need to live my life from here on and be happy with myself in the present. Loneliness is giving me pain but making me strong at the same time.

But this immense pain needs a lot of healing and I am taking help. This shock is making me rethink about myself and that life is not fair even when you think it will be.

[Lasttry]

The betrayal is so hard, I completely understand this, I really do.
Life is short, for some shorter than others, there's no time in this world for hate and anger, live your life for the people who give you happiness and true love, because tomorrow is not promised