Has anyone successfully gotten their partner to consider diagnosis and therapy?

[Depression = 72% of members]

The past few days have been so difficult. It has been two days of the worst emotional outbursts I've ever seen from my uBPDh. They were so intense, I wasn't even upset at him for what he was saying to me because he seemed like someone I didn't even know. He has never spoken to me this way in the 27 years we have been together, even during his most frustrating moments.

He made statements like, 'you've taken my life from me, and now I'm xx old with nothing', and 'you are just a childish, selfish girl that has never given me anything', or 'when have you EVER cared about me, what have you ever done for me? Why would I believe you have ever cared?' These were just a few of the hours of comments he made during the two episodes that we tried to talk. At the same time, he was curled in a ball on our bed one time and on our couch the second time sobbing in between yelling at times saying these things to me.

I sat next to him rubbing his back and comforting him as he was saying a lot of this to me, and he thanked me for helping him calm down after the first episode. I hardly spoke during the second episode, and just listened. Eventually after the second episode, he was just sitting next to me with tears streaming down his face telling me he didn't think he could get past everything that I've 'done'. So, I got up and left him quietly sitting there crying. About 6 hours later, he was calm and I sat down and as lovingly as possible, told him that if he really feels that I have 'wasted his life', that he should leave me, that I can't be with him knowing he resents me so much, and that it's not fair to him.

He told me he was venting when he said those things and apologized. I knew when he was saying them that there was no way he meant them, I've never heard anything like that from him, and I've never done anything to warrant that (cheating, leaving him, etc). However, this was the worst, most intense emotional outburst I have ever experienced with him. The outbursts are happening more frequently, and after how intense these were, I am afraid of them getting worse, or what that might even look like.

Has anyone had any success in talking openly to their partner about feeling like they need mental health support, a diagnosis and therapy? If you have, how did you go about it? Did it work or do they need to get to a point where they can see it themselves? He has always worn his emotions 'on his sleeve', but, I am confused as to why he can't seem to see in himself how much he has changed in the intensity. The most I have said to him is that I think something has changed in him and I'm really worried about him and that he seems really emotionally disregulated.

[42andyou]

The past few days have been so difficult. It has been two days of the worst emotional outbursts I've ever seen from my uBPDh. They were so intense, I wasn't even upset at him for what he was saying to me because he seemed like someone I didn't even know. He has never spoken to me this way in the 27 years we have been together, even during his most frustrating moments.

He made statements like, 'you've taken my life from me, and now I'm xx old with nothing', and 'you are just a childish, selfish girl that has never given me anything', or 'when have you EVER cared about me, what have you ever done for me? Why would I believe you have ever cared?' These were just a few of the hours of comments he made during the two episodes that we tried to talk. At the same time, he was curled in a ball on our bed one time and on our couch the second time sobbing in between yelling at times saying these things to me.

I sat next to him rubbing his back and comforting him as he was saying a lot of this to me, and he thanked me for helping him calm down after the first episode. I hardly spoke during the second episode, and just listened. Eventually after the second episode, he was just sitting next to me with tears streaming down his face telling me he didn't think he could get past everything that I've 'done'. So, I got up and left him quietly sitting there crying. About 6 hours later, he was calm and I sat down and as lovingly as possible, told him that if he really feels that I have 'wasted his life', that he should leave me, that I can't be with him knowing he resents me so much, and that it's not fair to him.

He told me he was venting when he said those things and apologized. I knew when he was saying them that there was no way he meant them, I've never heard anything like that from him, and I've never done anything to warrant that (cheating, leaving him, etc). However, this was the worst, most intense emotional outburst I have ever experienced with him. The outbursts are happening more frequently, and after how intense these were, I am afraid of them getting worse, or what that might even look like.

Has anyone had any success in talking openly to their partner about feeling like they need mental health support, a diagnosis and therapy? If you have, how did you go about it? Did it work or do they need to get to a point where they can see it themselves? He has always worn his emotions 'on his sleeve', but, I am confused as to why he can't seem to see in himself how much he has changed in the intensity. The most I have said to him is that I think something has changed in him and I'm really worried about him and that he seems really emotionally disregulated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RevScot]

I would also love to hear suggestions on how to talk openly with uBPDp about seeking help.

Gosh, every story like this I read reinforces my thoughts that partners of people with BPD are the some of the most lovely, kind and patient people in the world.  Hearing how you cared for your husband while he BPD'd on you brought tears to my eyes.