I'll describe my situation with my BPD partner

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I'll describe my situation with my BPD partner.
We're not together anymore. We met 4 years ago at work. She had a boyfriend, but as always, he wasn't good enough.
She saw me as her longed-for next partner. I wasn't interested at all at first, but that lying idealization! That idealization, when I started to feel so perfect, so nice in her presence, that unreal BUT FAKE reflection of my person. I've never experienced such an amazing and overwhelming feeling of love as from her. Suddenly she started telling me how bad her partner was, how he didn't help her, how nice she felt around me, how much security she felt.... this idealization lasted about 1 year. After a year, her mood started to change. The idealization was still there, but jealousy started to grow more and more. It never stopped.

Jealousy had been there since the idealization, but it seemed to start to increase. She didn't believe that I was faithful, suddenly I wasn't the perfect white horse like in the beginning. It was as if she was always waiting for the slightest opportunity for an argument. We were each living in our own homes. In the evenings, she would suddenly write me messages, as if I had done something, that she felt alone, even though we had been together a moment before. She even described it as states of pain inside her body, when she would rather go to sleep so that she wouldn't feel that strange psychological pain.
Her idealization slowly faded and a reversal of devaluation occurred. The more I tried to give love, the more she didn't believe it. The arguments escalated and the more I tried to calm the situation and curb her outbursts of anger quietly and gently, the more it provoked her like a red rag of a bull. It was an increasingly greater emotional trauma, my soul was torn more and more. I knew that after 2 days of laughter and shared "love" and joint trips to nature, a storm had to come. I was almost afraid to speak, because any word, any look that was different from what she expected, triggered her storm and anger. She started to distort reality, she didn't remember the good times on purpose, but she always pointed out those made-up problems that never happened. And it wasn't just paranoia from infidelity. It was anything.

The poorly chosen word meant to her that she needed to argue. They were attacks of anger. They happened because of petty things, the anger and accusations were triggered at any time. She told me herself that she was aware that she had these attacks, but that's just how she is. She had a very bad, traumatic childhood from her father. And how did it all end???? At the age of 3, division came, complete devaluation, she started playing a 2-sided game.

She found another horse who believed her false idealization. She played both sides for a while. But then it came. The last month after 3 years of relationship she suddenly wrote very loving messages, millions of heart icons, wrote how she loves, how we will have a life together.... AND SUDDENLY ON MONDAY MORNING in the fall of 2023 she wrote a romantic message from work how she loves me and in 3 hours 100% blocking everywhere and GHOSTING. It was the biggest blow from hell. I thought something had happened to her, that she was not alive, I was stressed all day, I was worried about her, I didn't know that she had hidden her untreated BPD from me. A completely heartless ending, a complete destruction of the soul of the other person. I found out that the last month when she wrote me those loving messages, she already had another horse. Then I learned that in the end I was just as bad as my previous partner, she jumped on again.

This cycle repeats itself and will repeat itself. She immediately posted new photos on FB, but after half a year from the summer of 2024, you can already see in the photos that the devaluation is starting again, but he, the new fool, doesn't know it yet. Only later did I recognize that cold look, that look of the hidden person, the other person who is under the mask.

When I look at our photos together in 3 years of relationship, I see the difference. I see the change in the eyes. I see the other person hidden inside. I fell in love with the person who mirrored me. I fell in love with a construct that never existed. He, the new poor guy, doesn't know that he will be replaced again and the cycle will never stop. In the end, it will end on its own. It is a very tragic mental disorder. It is very dangerous and very devastating. Very devastating for the other person as well. And very addictive. Those storm states are like a drug. It is very difficult for a person to recover and it takes a much longer time than for a healthy person where there is a normal breakup. It cost me a ruined job and half of my life.
I know what I'm talking about, it was an incredible storm that started with idealization, mirroring, then I found out that she really only sees black and white.... And before I found out that there was some BPD, I was already in a state of devaluation and infidelity and GHOSTING occurred. Absolute destruction and blocking of the other person's soul. Everything you experienced was fiction. It will take time for you to heal. But you will succeed.

I remember that SHE told me only one sentence at the beginning: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM LIKE AND HOW I AM SOMETIMES....

[truelover]

I'll describe my situation with my BPD partner.
We're not together anymore. We met 4 years ago at work. She had a boyfriend, but as always, he wasn't good enough.
She saw me as her longed-for next partner. I wasn't interested at all at first, but that lying idealization! That idealization, when I started to feel so perfect, so nice in her presence, that unreal BUT FAKE reflection of my person. I've never experienced such an amazing and overwhelming feeling of love as from her. Suddenly she started telling me how bad her partner was, how he didn't help her, how nice she felt around me, how much security she felt.... this idealization lasted about 1 year. After a year, her mood started to change. The idealization was still there, but jealousy started to grow more and more. It never stopped.

Jealousy had been there since the idealization, but it seemed to start to increase. She didn't believe that I was faithful, suddenly I wasn't the perfect white horse like in the beginning. It was as if she was always waiting for the slightest opportunity for an argument. We were each living in our own homes. In the evenings, she would suddenly write me messages, as if I had done something, that she felt alone, even though we had been together a moment before. She even described it as states of pain inside her body, when she would rather go to sleep so that she wouldn't feel that strange psychological pain.
Her idealization slowly faded and a reversal of devaluation occurred. The more I tried to give love, the more she didn't believe it. The arguments escalated and the more I tried to calm the situation and curb her outbursts of anger quietly and gently, the more it provoked her like a red rag of a bull. It was an increasingly greater emotional trauma, my soul was torn more and more. I knew that after 2 days of laughter and shared "love" and joint trips to nature, a storm had to come. I was almost afraid to speak, because any word, any look that was different from what she expected, triggered her storm and anger. She started to distort reality, she didn't remember the good times on purpose, but she always pointed out those made-up problems that never happened. And it wasn't just paranoia from infidelity. It was anything.

The poorly chosen word meant to her that she needed to argue. They were attacks of anger. They happened because of petty things, the anger and accusations were triggered at any time. She told me herself that she was aware that she had these attacks, but that's just how she is. She had a very bad, traumatic childhood from her father. And how did it all end???? At the age of 3, division came, complete devaluation, she started playing a 2-sided game.

She found another horse who believed her false idealization. She played both sides for a while. But then it came. The last month after 3 years of relationship she suddenly wrote very loving messages, millions of heart icons, wrote how she loves, how we will have a life together.... AND SUDDENLY ON MONDAY MORNING in the fall of 2023 she wrote a romantic message from work how she loves me and in 3 hours 100% blocking everywhere and GHOSTING. It was the biggest blow from hell. I thought something had happened to her, that she was not alive, I was stressed all day, I was worried about her, I didn't know that she had hidden her untreated BPD from me. A completely heartless ending, a complete destruction of the soul of the other person. I found out that the last month when she wrote me those loving messages, she already had another horse. Then I learned that in the end I was just as bad as my previous partner, she jumped on again.

This cycle repeats itself and will repeat itself. She immediately posted new photos on FB, but after half a year from the summer of 2024, you can already see in the photos that the devaluation is starting again, but he, the new fool, doesn't know it yet. Only later did I recognize that cold look, that look of the hidden person, the other person who is under the mask.

When I look at our photos together in 3 years of relationship, I see the difference. I see the change in the eyes. I see the other person hidden inside. I fell in love with the person who mirrored me. I fell in love with a construct that never existed. He, the new poor guy, doesn't know that he will be replaced again and the cycle will never stop. In the end, it will end on its own. It is a very tragic mental disorder. It is very dangerous and very devastating. Very devastating for the other person as well. And very addictive. Those storm states are like a drug. It is very difficult for a person to recover and it takes a much longer time than for a healthy person where there is a normal breakup. It cost me a ruined job and half of my life.
I know what I'm talking about, it was an incredible storm that started with idealization, mirroring, then I found out that she really only sees black and white.... And before I found out that there was some BPD, I was already in a state of devaluation and infidelity and GHOSTING occurred. Absolute destruction and blocking of the other person's soul. Everything you experienced was fiction. It will take time for you to heal. But you will succeed.

I remember that SHE told me only one sentence at the beginning: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM LIKE AND HOW I AM SOMETIMES....

[Under The Bridge]

Hi, and welcome to the site. Everything you've written is 100% what I experienced in my BPD relationship - and which most, if not all, of us have also experienced.

It always plays out like a pre-written script, with only the times varying; in my case the wonderful 'we're perfect together' phase ended after a few months and that first burst of mood and rage from my partner completely knocked me for six, as it was so unexpected and contrary to how things had been.

Even the physical aspect of your partner can change while in this state, she had a look I'd never seen before, especially the eyes, which seems to be a common factor in a BPD episode. In her final rage - the one where I ended the relationship for good - I still recall her pupils turning jet black and looking like some sort of demonic possession.

Saddening how something so seemingly perfect at the start then changes to a repeating cycle of mood, rage, breakup, reconciliation only to start again just as you think that this time it will work. You think you can 'cure' them by showing love and care but they're locked into the cycle, no matter what you do.

Took me 4 years to work out that it wasn't my fault and not to blame myself, but it didn't make it any easier. I knew she would never change unless she accepted she had a problem and got help but that would never have happened.

I totally agree with what you say about it all being illusion at the start; they act like a chamelon to mirror us and so satisfy their wants at that moment, but none of it is permanent and will change any time.

So you're definitely not alone. Concentrate on your own well-being as it's the only thing we ever truly have control over.

Best wishes.