Having guilt on leaving my ex boyfriend with BPD

[Nurse Criz]

Hello All,
So, I had been feeling guilty of finally blocking my ex w BPD. We  were in this cycle of push and pull for almost two years. I am a nurse and my ex was a doctor. We met during the time I’m divorcing my husband and my mom was dying. We both came from a bad childhood of abandonment and mentally abuse. We bond through our pain and I thought he was the missing puzzle for me to feel complete. Even though I usually feel like walking on eggshell due to his mood … I stayed. He constantly telling me that I compete him ands I make him feel love that he never had before. Then 10/2023 he decided the city is not for him so he moved south. We broke up but decided to have a long distance relationship so it gives him time to recover. He is not working and just recently found his own apt. So he asked me to move with him. I have a son and life in NYC! I can’t just move to the south and he does not have  a job. We both wanted to have a child but I decided that this is not real life. He constantly would tell me what I need to do In terms of my life, food, physical activity etc. basically it’s his way! Two weeks ago I had enough and I told him this is not going to work out. Of course he told me that I’m the only one he has, he will just be by himself, he’s sad and feel abandoned. I’m really sad on my decision but I have to be strong and have faith that he will be ok with out me. I’m emotionally drained, hurt, sad, but I still have love for him. I am constantly battling myself on not reaching out anymore. Pls help

[Pook075]

I’m emotionally drained, hurt, sad, but I still have love for him. I am constantly battling myself on not reaching out anymore. Pls help

Hello and welcome to the family.  I'm sorry you're going through this and it does not sound like much fun.  But at least you can see the bigger picture here- you can't chase love halfway across the country with a kid in school in NY.

Here's something to keep in mind- he chose to move away, yet he's saying he needs you.  Duh, then why'd he move away?  That's not on you at all and he's made his choice.  There is absolutely a reason he made that move as well and you might not know the full truth.

If you chose to stay in the relationship, your life is in NY and an ultimatum would have to come- he needs to move back and find employment.  Would he even consider that?  Maybe, maybe not.  But this is not on you and you did not make the decisions that put so much distance between the two of you.

When it comes to BPD, boundaries are critically important.  He made decisions that don't align with your lifestyle.  And it's his right to do whatever he wants, but he must understand that actions have consequences.  These were his decisions, so blaming yourself doesn't do any good.  The choice was his before and it's his now.  If he wants to fix things, he should be hopping a flight and making a grand gesture at your doorstep.

If he's not willing to fight for you though, then he's made the decision for you.  This is on him.