Charges, false accusations

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My ex wife has BorderlinePersonality Disorder and other mental health issues. We have been apart for a couple of years. I have no idea how to rid her from my life . Between her charging me for assault to now charging me for assault by choking from when she broke into my house three years ago. She is trying to lock me up. How do I make the police see it’s all as a result from this disorder and mental health. It’s to the point where I am questioning my own life. When or does it ever end . Please any help would be great. I am struggling here.

[Jdbro]

My ex wife has BorderlinePersonality Disorder and other mental health issues. We have been apart for a couple of years. I have no idea how to rid her from my life . Between her charging me for assault to now charging me for assault by choking from when she broke into my house three years ago. She is trying to lock me up. How do I make the police see it’s all as a result from this disorder and mental health. It’s to the point where I am questioning my own life. When or does it ever end . Please any help would be great. I am struggling here.

[SinisterComplex]

My ex wife has BorderlinePersonality Disorder and other mental health issues. We have been apart for a couple of years. I have no idea how to rid her from my life . Between her charging me for assault to now charging me for assault by choking from when she broke into my house three years ago. She is trying to lock me up. How do I make the police see it’s all as a result from this disorder and mental health. It’s to the point where I am questioning my own life. When or does it ever end . Please any help would be great. I am struggling here.

First welcome to the fam my friend. Sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but happy you found us as this is a tremendous resource to help you through troubling times.

Clearly you have been put through the ringer. Before I or anyone else can provide you a full on thoughtful and insightful answer though can you provide us with some more details?

Do you have children together? Is there a reason you have to have any contact at all, etc?

Please take your time.

In the meantime please be kind to you and please take care of yourself.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

[EyesUp]

It sounds like you don't feel save in your ex's presence.

What's stopping you from getting a restraining order?

At a minimum, why not have a voice recorder running the moment your ex is in your presence?

Please take your time and share whatever you're comfortable sharing.

Hang in there.

[HoratioX]

My ex wife has BorderlinePersonality Disorder and other mental health issues. We have been apart for a couple of years. I have no idea how to rid her from my life . Between her charging me for assault to now charging me for assault by choking from when she broke into my house three years ago. She is trying to lock me up. How do I make the police see it’s all as a result from this disorder and mental health. It’s to the point where I am questioning my own life. When or does it ever end . Please any help would be great. I am struggling here.

I'm trying to understand the gaps in this comment. You say you've been apart for a couple of years. Yet, you were charged with assault in the past and somehow, you're now being charged now with assault from more than three years ago.

So, a few questions:

1) Did you assault your ex? If not, were you adjudicated in a previous court case and found innocent? If so, would that not lend credence to your claims now? Was there any testimony in that case that would support your claim that she is mentally ill?

2) Did you choke your ex three years ago? Were the police called, and did they take a report? Was there any physical evidence of the alleged assault? Is it being charged as a misdemeanor or a felony, as the statutes of limitations may be different?

3) The burden of proof is on her, not you. What evidence does she have? Did you threaten her in writing or in front of witnesses? Did you admit to either assault?  If she has no evidence, why are the police charging you? Even if you are charged, if evidence is lacking, it would seem unlikely she could prevail.

4) Have you discussed these situations with an attorney?

I always recommend to people dealing with an ex or potential ex with BPD/CPTSD/anxiety, etc., to consult a therapist and then to put communication in writing/keep a journal as a record of experiences. If legal issues are at stake, talk to a cop and/or attorney. People with these profound mental illnesses can be vindictive and remember events very differently than reality.

Then you go no contact. And no contact means no contact. Do not talk with them, do not text them, do not check up on their social media. Avoid them entirely. Otherwise, any time you backslide, you open the door to their return and all the chaos that comes with it.  A therapist can provide more advice on no contact, but you have to decide for yourself if you want to make yourself vulnerable to them.

[Jdbro]

With respect to your questions this whole thing started a little over three years ago. She broke into my house with a steel spade shovel that she beat out my dining room window with. Once inside she beat up things, put holes in the walls assaulted me sexually and physically. She jumped on my lower back after she hit me in the chest with the shovel. After a few weeks I was contacted by her looking to get back togather to make our marriage work. She was very convincing, because I dropped the charges myself I am told they can never be brought to court again . But now all of a sudden she is bringing it back to court and having me charged. How I don’t know.

[HoratioX]

With respect to your questions this whole thing started a little over three years ago. She broke into my house with a steel spade shovel that she beat out my dining room window with. Once inside she beat up things, put holes in the walls assaulted me sexually and physically. She jumped on my lower back after she hit me in the chest with the shovel. After a few weeks I was contacted by her looking to get back togather to make our marriage work. She was very convincing, because I dropped the charges myself I am told they can never be brought to court again . But now all of a sudden she is bringing it back to court and having me charged. How I don’t know.

Okay. Well, the police should still have a copy of the report, even if you chose not to file charges. It's often called an incident report. If they came to your home, they should have spoken to both of you, but tend to privilege whoever called them. Or are you saying you never called the police, filled out an insurance claim for any damage, or spoke about the assault to anyone else? When you say "dropped the charges," I'm assuming you called the police.

Hopefully in that incident report there is information that adds validity to what you are saying now -- that is, she broke in and attacked you. Hopefully, you made that clear to them and they wrote it down. If you're especially lucky, the officer(s) who responded may even recall the incident.

The statute of limitations on assault varies from state to state. Three years could well be within the limit in your state. However, if she files charges, the burden of proof is on her, not you. While we do live in a climate where sympathy tends to go to the woman -- especially in issues like domestic violence or Title IX accusations in education -- a court case still relies on evidence. Did she take pics of the damage she might claim you caused? Of any bruises or injuries she might have received even though she broke in? Those are the sorts of things she might be able to twist. But if you filed a report with your side, you have have some "ammo."

Of course, you'd want to speak to an attorney, which I am not. You might also want to discuss this situation with a professional therapist.