Howdy,
So some years ago I talked about my (now ex) gf with bpd, me leaving, her behavior, a lot of things going on. I got advice, people hoping for the best and that I stay strong, much appreciated comments. I just thought I'd follow up with thoughts, reflections, all that fun stuff.
Sadly around then I was not as strong as I'd hoped and I, due to many issues that will come up later, caved and got back together with her for a couple years. Trust was kind of sort of rebuilt even thought she 1: was a camgirl for extra money, during which time 2: I still wasn't trusted to talk to anybody. The hypocrisy was not lost on me and was a topic in therapy.
Quick tengent; her psychiatrist allegedly said it was Bipolar and not BPD at all, I'm still not 100% sure as a lot of her behaviors were specific to me only. Then again, this was over the phone so it's hard to say. Maybe both? I'm not a dr so, it is whatever it is.
Eventually things just didn't work. I was sick and tired of her making messes and always having an excuse to not clean or pick up stuff, dog care was stressful, my emotions were buried beyond salvaging, work was exhausting, and it seemed like she was using me as an emotional punching bag. Seriously the breaking point for me (one of many) was when I asked if she bought her dog's $30 medication and I got berated for about 20 minutes about how I should know about her struggles, how dare I, I should think before asking, she has so much going on, etc.
These things were brought up in couples counselling which, buckle up buckaroos, the counsellor was my ex-gf's boss's own couple's counsellor, and overall there was just this theme of supporting her throughout her business ventures and growth and emotional plights and I floundered and struggled to even bring up my thoughts accurately. Eventually, after years of messes and not being heard I pulled away (
PLEASE READty of me, sure, but the futility was just too much at that point) and she decided a few months of me physically, emotionally, and mentally checked out was too much and we called it quits. This is after years of me bringing up problems and needing to be heard, only for me to apologize for....something.
So we broke up, she moved out, I have space for activities, and now I'm dealing with therapy and trying to wail away at the possibility of either autism (highly suspected by pros but not diagnosed), avoidant personality disorder (diagnosed years ago), and the stress of money and self worth.
I guess a lesson is: listen to your gut. For a long, long time I had a feeling something was 'off' but couldn't put my finger on it. Like the time I let her use my card for doordash and she spent $400.00 in a month and never apologized. Her own personal room being a dump before we moved in together. Her ex roommate saying her own mental health improved after the ex moved out. Her struggles were legendary, mine weren't issues at all. The fact she had no problems leaving her poor dog alone for like 10+hours and even abused mine (Should've thrown her out the door for that one, but again, I have issues I'm working on. Still ashamed of that. Doggo is okay now). I can go on. But trust your gut.
