Third break up in our 6 year relationship, this time it feels very different

[Depression = 72% of members]

Another update

She came home from work early yesterday as her doctor suggested that she may have had another medical incident which after all the goings on at work has stressed her out a bit more.

I chatted with her a fair bit and also asked if we could have a check in this weekend to which she agreed to Friday (today). I'm a bit nervous as I have a feeling when I open with building on what we talked about last time she will dismiss it as me understanding it wrong, I could just be anxious but yeah.

Last night we ended up watching a quiz show together and got pretty drunk. Off the back of her medical news I think she kind of needed it.

It was a nice evening, however I noticed some things that she did that made me a little upset. Nothing to do with the relationship but just the way in which she spoke to me and that maybe has been a pattern in our relationship when she's either not feeling too good or drunk, neither of which is an excuse.

She would get up and go to the bathroom and put it the blue say something like "yes, thank you" indicating that she wanted a top up of her drink. Very much made me feel like that's all I'm good for etc. When I said back "a please would be nice" she replied with "I said thank you". But it's how she said it and just assuming I knew what she wanted and that's what I was there to do etc.

At one point in the night she wanted another bottle of wine to share and I said id be happy to deliveroo some as there was some food shopping I'd need to get.

I forget how but somehow she mentioned something about having "paid for two takeaways for us both in recent weeks" and that I haven't given her any money for them. I replied saying that at the time they seemed like a gift and I mentioned that all the food in the house over the past month has been paid for by me.

I know I'm too nice and she's mentioned that I'm doing this anyway so I do think it was just the fact she was drunk. I didn't mention it but I've also since she broke up with me and she's been on less money I've been paying all the rent and bills myself. So it felt really really harsh for her to even joke about asking for takeaway money.

Its times like that that really make me question whether she actually realizes and understands what I provide and do for her on a daily basis. Just very hurtful.

[RedBeard93]

Another update

She came home from work early yesterday as her doctor suggested that she may have had another medical incident which after all the goings on at work has stressed her out a bit more.

I chatted with her a fair bit and also asked if we could have a check in this weekend to which she agreed to Friday (today). I'm a bit nervous as I have a feeling when I open with building on what we talked about last time she will dismiss it as me understanding it wrong, I could just be anxious but yeah.

Last night we ended up watching a quiz show together and got pretty drunk. Off the back of her medical news I think she kind of needed it.

It was a nice evening, however I noticed some things that she did that made me a little upset. Nothing to do with the relationship but just the way in which she spoke to me and that maybe has been a pattern in our relationship when she's either not feeling too good or drunk, neither of which is an excuse.

She would get up and go to the bathroom and put it the blue say something like "yes, thank you" indicating that she wanted a top up of her drink. Very much made me feel like that's all I'm good for etc. When I said back "a please would be nice" she replied with "I said thank you". But it's how she said it and just assuming I knew what she wanted and that's what I was there to do etc.

At one point in the night she wanted another bottle of wine to share and I said id be happy to deliveroo some as there was some food shopping I'd need to get.

I forget how but somehow she mentioned something about having "paid for two takeaways for us both in recent weeks" and that I haven't given her any money for them. I replied saying that at the time they seemed like a gift and I mentioned that all the food in the house over the past month has been paid for by me.

I know I'm too nice and she's mentioned that I'm doing this anyway so I do think it was just the fact she was drunk. I didn't mention it but I've also since she broke up with me and she's been on less money I've been paying all the rent and bills myself. So it felt really really harsh for her to even joke about asking for takeaway money.

Its times like that that really make me question whether she actually realizes and understands what I provide and do for her on a daily basis. Just very hurtful.

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[once removed]

Its times like that that really make me question whether she actually realizes and understands what I provide and do for her on a daily basis. Just very hurtful.

youre contorting, every which way, and asking for acknowledgment of it.

it sounds like its residual - left over from the relationship - and now, showing up as both a bid for acknowledgment, and as resentment.

I chatted with her a fair bit and also asked if we could have a check in this weekend to which she agreed to Friday (today). I'm a bit nervous as I have a feeling when I open with building on what we talked about last time

this is needy posturing: can we have a check in? can i get some reassurance (about where we stand)? can you help me regulate the anxiety i feel about this situation?

she cant. and trying will be dissatisfying every time.

sure - she was probably stung a bit by "a please would be nice" - didnt know where it was coming from, and probably could feel the accusation behind it, in the context of all of this talk of who moves out, if or when. she responded defensively: "hey, i bought takeout twice". it turned into a low grade battle of who contributes more - an artifact from the relationship. of feelings of inadequacy.

make me question whether she actually realizes and understands what I provide and do for her on a daily basis.

dont do these things with the hidden motive of being seen. she can feel the sense of obligation behind them, and for both of you, it reinforces your feelings of inadequacy.

this matters: its a part of what was broken about the relationship. its still ongoing. whether to detach, or to re-attract her, its a cycle to be broken.

[RedBeard93]

it sounds like its residual - left over from the relationship - and now, showing up as both a bid for acknowledgment, and as resentment.

You're right here and whilst I'm not doing the things I do for acknowledgement, I can see how I got frustrated last night and went a bit into resentment. Im not saying any of this to her at all and wouldn't, but venting my feelings here helps me rationalise them a bit so thank you.

this is needy posturing: can we have a check in? can i get some reassurance (about where we stand)? can you help me regulate the anxiety i feel about this situation?

I do get this, however from the last chat the outcome seemed positive and genuinely seemed like there was a way forward with the relationship and that we both agreed to think about it and check-in together. I am starting to understand and see how more and more her need for independence and control with all the things going on in her life can also link up to a feeling of inadequacy within the relationship itself. The check in with her isn't about me begging for her back etc its for me to get what I've taken from therapy and self reflection and validate how shes been feeling and discuss both our wants and needs in a calm way. But I do get your point that by the asking for a check in coming from me, it would seem like a needy move

[once removed]

yeah, i didnt say any of that to knock you down, but to help center you  

youre doing some things that telegraph neediness to a person who, frankly, and not necessarily for right or wrong, is too absorbed in her own needs right now. it works against you in terms of re-attracting her, or conversely, trying to detach.

navigating this requires finesse, at a time where its probably, and understandably, hardest of all. it isnt that loving gestures, like fixing up her bed, are bad, or that you shouldnt do them. or that check ins are inherently bad.

its about examining where theyre coming from, your motivations, whats driving you, and what you may or may not be telegraphing in the process.

the positive is that seeing them, understanding them, can help reduce them, and gain control over them, where youre more in charge of what youre telegraphing, and youre sending the signals you want to send. where things (if you want to do them) like fixing up her bed come across as thoughtful, rather than obligatory.

[RedBeard93]

Yeah I totally see where you're coming from. I've actually saved this message to my phone to reflect on it more when I need it.

She is extremely focused on her needs right now and I need to focus on myself to be in the best position for me.

Thanks for your help and advice

[RedBeard93]

Another update from me.

On Friday evening after ordering a takeaway, I went and asked if she was still okay to have our check in from the last time we spoke that we agreed on.

She apologized profusely saying she had forgotten as she had a lot going on. She tends to do this with a lot of things so I tried to not take it to heart (she usually has to put things in her calendar app so she doesn't forget - likely down to her ADHD)

She asked if we could reschedule it for today (Saturday) after her hair appointment and then after she was off to see her mum as she's been away.

Fast forward to today and she sent me a message saying "How would you feel if we rescheduled our catch up for tomorrow"

It's sunny and with her mum being back they're probably having some drinks in the garden and I can understand how coming back to have a conversation with me might be a bit much and I really appreciate her telling me and not just leaving it.

It does leave me feeling somewhat of the lowest priorities to her but going on past conversations in this thread I understand that right now her needs are coming first in her brain so I'm staying calm and collected and just getting in with my evening. I've been reading a really good book actually it's called "undoctored" incase anyone wants to give it a go.

When I bought up the check in on Friday I did also ask whether it was something she was still interested in doing in general as I don't want it to be something that just comes from me as it was a joint agreement. She said that "she wouldn't agree to rearranging it if she wasn't" and that "she's been quite clear on her stance". I assured her that I understood that but the check in was more around the outcome from last time "her needs and the possibility of a relationship but living separately" she said that she hadn't got round to giving it any more thought yet herself and I said that I've got some things to share and that anything like that would be good to check in regularly on specific topics around it to make sure we're both on the same page. She also mentioned that it seems like we chat and we're on the same page and then come the next one I've done a 180. I disagreed and said that whilst I did that after our first chat when we broke up Ive been purely thinking about the last chats outcome and focusing on that and taking my own bits to therapy.

Even though I have up and down days the rescheduling and lack of engagement on her side is kind of making this a bit easier for me at least now. I know what I'm worth and what I bring and I think if she decides she doesn't want these catch ups then I'm more than happy to stop them going forward

[stevemcduck]

my ex was exactly the same. she said she wanted to keep contact and work things out slowly but I felt very low in her priorities, her texting responses were cold and very long in reply. it makes you feel like dirt. I pushed for more engagement and she broke up with me, I only asked of more engagement as she was needing money and was super engaged in organising that. I asked if we could be this engaged normally and she accused me of mind games and said she didn't want to keep in contact anymore even though I sent the money. they can be so cruel. id love to have the strength to walk but the trauma bond creates an addiction

[once removed]

When I bought up the check in on Friday I did also ask whether it was something she was still interested in doing in general as I don't want it to be something that just comes from me as it was a joint agreement. She said that "she wouldn't agree to rearranging it if she wasn't" and that "she's been quite clear on her stance". I assured her that I understood that but the check in was more around the outcome from last time "her needs and the possibility of a relationship but living separately" she said that she hadn't got round to giving it any more thought yet herself and I said that I've got some things to share and that anything like that would be good to check in regularly on specific topics around it to make sure we're both on the same page. She also mentioned that it seems like we chat and we're on the same page and then come the next one I've done a 180. I disagreed and said that whilst I did that after our first chat when we broke up Ive been purely thinking about the last chats outcome and focusing on that and taking my own bits to therapy.

this is heavy, feels obligatory, and its argumentative.

shes pushing back, youre pushing back-er; things sound like they are getting increasingly tense. on this trajectory, tension is likely to grow, and shes likely to blow up, or flee.

what is the real goal of the check-ins? if its purely logistical in nature, do they need a time or place, or this obligatory sort of structure?

[RedBeard93]

The real goal of the check ins is to validate her needs and to see if there is a way in which our relationship can continue as she expressed that she would be open to thinking about that. It's also for me at least to try and see if there's a way in which her needs can be met here before she commits to living back at her parents and being tied into the costs of paying them back.

From the chats we have had they have been productive, we've not been over emotional and we've not shouted etc however I can understand the emotional toll this could put on us both.

I fully get you though and I think now I'm more willing to back down if this isn't what she wants to put effort into. Regardless of her thinking her bpd diagnosis doesn't fit right there's years of evidence in our relationship and the way that she's acting now that I can remember feeling in the past in similar situations.

She expressed that she didn't like scheduling it check-ins and wanted them to happen naturally which I agreed to. The natural one for me was Thursday just gone where I bought up saying I'd like one but due to her having several things going on I said I'm happy to do it whenever suits her. It only really becomes a scheduled thing when bring it up and hoc and then she suggests a time.

I know she cares deeply for me and wanted to marry me and for those reasons I'm more than happy to suck it up and keep my distance whilst she figures things out and then see if there's a possibility for a relationship. But also from our last chat she said it's something she would want to explore and check in together on. So it's a tough one to navigate. But maybe I need to give some more space

[once removed]

The real goal of the check ins is to validate her needs and to see if there is a way in which our relationship can continue as she expressed that she would be open to thinking about that. It's also for me at least to try and see if there's a way in which her needs can be met here before she commits to living back at her parents and being tied into the costs of paying them back.

why not look at these three things separately?

1. is there a need to validate her needs? if shes expressed that she didnt like scheduling check-ins, isnt that kind of a contrary effort?

2. seeing if the relationship can continue is a big picture, long game sort of thing. it is not the sort of thing you can achieve, at least in this case, with obligatory "are we or arent we" conversations. those create pressure.

the last time, she gave you a very tentative yellow flag: the possibility exists. she was/is reconsidering. its not a guarantee, but its a hand of very good cards to be dealt, something you can work with, and finesse. its also, like i said, tentative, and fragile; easily smothered, easy to push into the other direction.

3. the logistics (moving out, staying, etc), are tricky. you want her back (so you dont want to send too strong a "leave", or "im done" signal), but you also have a real need to understand whats going to happen. but what more about it, at this point, needs to be discussed? is there a better time, or another way, to get the information you need?

[RedBeard93]

I agree with your points here.

One of the points she raised early on was that she wasn't feeling heard which probably made her needs feel invalid.

I've done a lot of reflection on this and on the same page as what's happening regarding moving out I just want to discuss the reflection I've done on her points needs etc to see if there's a way they can be met and living here etc in terms of control over her finances and life etc if not absolutely fine I'm not going to stand in the way of her leaving to feel like she can get them that way, after all the possibility of a relationship and living apart if a possibility albeit a longer term one. But also like you said I understand that this is tentative and fragile and I don't want to smother her with anything.

She just sent a text back actually saying, thank you so much for agreeing to do it tomorrow she's just been painting her nails and catching up with her mum which is nice.

I sent a message just saying how it's absolutely fine and I don't want to add any pressure as she has a lot going on and that I hope she's having a nice evening in the sun.

She then replied asking why I'm being such a millennial with my emoji use

[once removed]

glad the mood is lightening!

you might, if you can find a good opportunity (dont force it or do it unnaturally), try to affect a little 'reset'. maybe mention youve been feeling stressed out (not about her), or something like that, and that you felt like you might have been short, or irritable, or a similar adjective, lately, and that youre feeling better about it now; sorry if you came across that way.

then, if you do, follow by pulling back a lot, emotionally and physically; for example, if a check-in time happens, dont even approach it or mention it, just let her, if shes going to (and pay no mind if she doesnt). be less available, more out of the house, that kind of thing. not shunning her, or anything, just cooler, and busier.

its subtle, but it can achieve a lot psychologically. it will catch her off guard, cause her to drop her guard, make you look stronger, take the pressure off. she'll notice.

as a guy that has chronically over-pursued women in my life, that little 'reset' can do wonders. it says "i get it, and im self regulating now". thats attractive.

[RedBeard93]

Yeah I'll do this thank you.

In all honesty when this last happened in 2021 I did exactly that when we lived together during that time and I even started going on dates ( I won't do this again btw it was a direct response to things she'd done / said and I'm in a more mature place now to realize it wasn't right to date when I wasn't ready)

But I just kept busy and then she eventually reached out and wrote me a letter and then we got back together for the last three years.

I think it's more the permanent move out that's on my mind that's making me struggle. Knowing she's actually doing something this time to be separate is hard to take. But it's getting easier. In all fairness the more I feel like I'm not a priority to her the easier it is to detach , right now anyway

[once removed]

some of it has to do a bit with the different ways in which men and women are attracted to each other.

its why there is some truth/validity to the stuff in the pickup artist community.

pulling back can create attraction. but not because its a psychological mind game that women are immune to. because it looks (and is, if its sincere) strong, grounded, secure. for women, that tends to create not just attraction, but feelings of safety and security. men tend to have less need for that (not none at all, but a lower priority) to experience attraction and connection.

for somebody who is kind of at her own mercy like she is right now? not sure which way is up? its extra attractive.

youve seen it happen before. you know it "works". your achilles heel here isnt even the anxiety itself (its totally valid, shouldnt be dismissed or stifled, it just needs proper outlets), its the way in which youre directing it. it clashes with your goals, and her state of mind/being.

I think it's more the permanent move out that's on my mind that's making me struggle.

it feels like a big, final, permanent thing, but trust that it doesnt have to be. it doesnt have to be a barrier to reconciliation. you can be separated and together. it might even (theoretically) be the best thing for you right now, to give that tension some release.

[RedBeard93]

Something on my mind today.

Her previously brining up the possibility of being in a relationship but living separately and then the other day saying she hadn't given it any thought since.

I know it's probably too emotional for her right now but surely her brining the word up initially and saying she would think about it is something?

I do agree with you once removed that living separately doesn't mean we cant reconcile. However it's just a hard prospect as social norms would suggest that going from being engaged to living separately isn't something that's normally done.

I'd be open to this as she means the world to me and nothing is changing my feelings towards her. But I guess it's still a bitter pill to swallow

[RedBeard93]

There is a part of me that feels distance might be good.

She was round her parents last night and today shes just staying in her room and watching TV etc it's hard to not want to spend time with her or to want her to not want to spend time with me.

But I have to remember that she wants to be independent and she wants her own space etc. so although it's hard I'm continuing to respect that and only interact with her in passing or if she initiates.

[RedBeard93]

So as agreed she came downstairs to have a chat after I cooked her dinner.

She'd had a headache and been in bed all day.

She seems down, abrupt and used words like "may as well get it over with"

I explained how I'd done some reflection on her feelings but I was willing to leave it for now if she didn't feel in the right headspace.

She went on to say how right now and even though it would sound harsh. She can't avoid the responsibility of work, she can't avoid the health issues she has going on the only thing to try and not be overwhelmed and the only thing she can avoid right now is me.

I said that it's valid that she feels that way and that I'm more than happy to chat another time.

She explained how she feels like after our last chat around a relationship but living separately that I would cling to that slight glimmer of hope  and that she would bet that all of what I've written down was about that and that she hasn't had time to even think about it because of everything going on.

I explained that almost everything I'd written down was nothing to do with that but more me thinking about her needs and things she'd said.

I decided to say let's park it for now and asked if there was anything I could do for her in the meantime to take some pressure off her.

She said "what apart from cleaning, cooking, paying for everything whilst I walk around like a ghost, you're already doing everything"

She then said that shes done with her life and then went back up to bed saying sorry for ruining your life.

I care about her a lot and know she's going through a PLEASE READ ton. So I'm going to back off and be there to support her if necessary. I know how to support her through times like this, however I need to come to terms right now as the person she can't put much thought into because everything else is too much

[ForeverDad]

I do agree with you once removed that living separately doesn't mean we cant reconcile. However it's just a hard prospect as social norms would suggest that going from being engaged to living separately isn't something that's normally done.

Remember that if/when you get through the current difficult time, reality is still there.  This wasn't the first time things were bad.  It can happen again in the future.  Reality says that unless major mental health improvements happen, then the past will be a predictor of the future.  (And you haven't even had children yet.  Actively parenting for the next two decades is a huge ever-present trigger that would have to be foreseen and addressed.)

[once removed]

Her previously brining up the possibility of being in a relationship but living separately and then the other day saying she hadn't given it any thought since.

believe it or not, thats the norm. its exactly what, sitting here, i would expect.

it may not be where you would want it to be, ideally. but sitting here, it confirms to me it isnt dead. if it were? she would have told you. shes had ample opportunity, and the subject came up directly. she even said she bet that it was your focus, had the opportunity right there in her hand, and she didnt shatter your hopes, she communicated "back off". heed it strongly.

"not thinking about it" is somewhere between neutral and even good. if she were thinking about it a lot, either shed be all over you, and youd know, or it would be bad.

its not a priority. its the last thing shes thinking of. but that is significantly different than being done. it means the relationship, and the thought of it, are stressful. something to delay.

thats where you come in. to quietly, subtly, show her how inviting, how stabilizing, and how much better it could be.

I was willing to leave it for now if she didn't feel in the right headspace.
...
I said that it's valid that she feels that way and that I'm more than happy to chat another time.

you were right to dodge that like a freight train.

i think that for right now, it would be in your best interest to completely forget about check-ins of any kind. just drop it, for now, entirely. zero mention. check-in? what check-in?

the signals are strong that they would likely lead to exasperation, and likely, her shutting down on the idea of the relationship. when women feel cornered, that is what tends to happen. its self-perpetuating.

a check-in becomes a great idea when she brings it up.

She said "what apart from cleaning, cooking, paying for everything whilst I walk around like a ghost, you're already doing everything"

She then said that shes done with her life and then went back up to bed saying sorry for ruining your life.

this is obviously about more than you, but youre a part of it. it confirms that she sees the relationship or talk of it as a source of stress. it is clear that the digs from the recent nights stung. and its clear that shes burned out, on life, in general. down on herself, etc.

I care about her a lot and know she's going through a PLEASE READ ton. So I'm going to back off and be there to support her if necessary. I know how to support her through times like this, however I need to come to terms right now as the person she can't put much thought into because everything else is too much

yes.

now is the time to back off. hard.

i say this, not to get your hopes up, but you have the signs that you want, that you could reasonably be expected to see. and you also have blinking red lights that youre rapidly approaching a tipping point where any more stress on the situation will be a nail in the coffin.

in terms of trying to support her, i wouldnt approach her about this. i wouldnt reassure her, or try to comfort her, or tell her shes not ruining my life. just let her get back to baseline. let her be. let natural levity creep back in, even if its awkward for a bit. let her be surprised that you seem less urgent about it all. let her feel relief from the stress and pressure and obligation. it will catch her off guard. she might even test it: if she comes to you tonight about the check-in? nah. its been a long day, shes tired, youre tired, lets do something light and fun instead.

[RedBeard93]

Thanks for this advice and im going to stick to it even when times get tough.

From our chat last night I can see shes really struggling and even though it hurts her outwardly saying that I'm the one thing she can avoid at the moment because the relationship is too stressful is a good insight.

I know her well but there is a part of me that still feels like its always been this way. Im always the one that's put her first. I don't resent her at all, I was happy with this arrangement and I was happy and content with my life.

However there is part of me that feels like its unfair. That I've done some genuine reflection on the things shes been saying and yet she assumes that the chat would have all been about a relationship which isn't true.

It also hurts that it could be the case that shes delaying having these discussions because she knows she'll be moved out at some point. I know her well and although I don't think this is the case I do know that in times like this she will only be thinking of whats best for her and no-one else. To reemphasise her point of not being responsible for anyone.

I know the only thing to do is to let her get on with everything, let her move out and incurr the reprecussions of that long term. I think its just hard for me because the effect that will have on both of our lives both practically and financially will be big and if she regrets it its almost another thing to sort between us.

The cycles and similar ascepts of both times this has happened though are there and I'm more confident now to get on and live my life and to give her the space she needs, at least for now.

[RedBeard93]

Remember that if/when you get through the current difficult time, reality is still there.  This wasn't the first time things were bad.  It can happen again in the future.  Reality says that unless major mental health improvements happen, then the past will be a predictor of the future.  (And you haven't even had children yet.  Actively parenting for the next two decades is a huge ever-present trigger that would have to be foreseen and addressed.)

With her medical conditions it was extremely unlikely that we could have children anyway so it was something that'd id come to terms with. But you're right and it was something id thought about and I came to the conclusion that if I were to want this relationship it would mean not having children even if we could have them etc

[Pook075]

I know her well but there is a part of me that still feels like its always been this way. Im always the one that's put her first. I don't resent her at all, I was happy with this arrangement and I was happy and content with my life.

However there is part of me that feels like its unfair. That I've done some genuine reflection on the things shes been saying and yet she assumes that the chat would have all been about a relationship which isn't true.

I noticed in the sentences above, as you were reflecting, it was all present tense except for how you felt about the relationship.  That's in past-tense.

Maybe that's just the writer in me looking for verb agreement, but it feels like something more.

You're right, she expected the conversation to be a desperate plea to win back her heart.  But she also acknowledged that you're the cook, the cleaner, the breadwinner, and the sole thing she can push to the side when she doesn't want to deal with it.

That's extremely unfair, and it makes me wonder if there's an ulterior motive behind it.

Stay with me for a sec.  If you're cooking and cleaning for me, paying all the bills, etc. and you're expecting something from me...yet I keep putting off that conversation...can you see I'd have everything to gain and nothing to lose by delaying things?

And the thing you're really asking for here, it's not a relationship.  It's just clarity.

I agree that the check-ins are unhealthy.  But here's something else to consider- receiving no answer is also an answer.  You mentioned the need for space, and she replied with stating you're the one thing she can avoid dealing with.  That's an answer, my friend.

I'm not giving any suggestions on what to do next, because this has to come from you.  But if you think back to when we talked earlier and I mentioned betting on yourself, prioritizing what you need to be mentally stable and feeling fulfilled, that's a step that you'll ultimately have to take on your own.  She's just not in a position to contribute in that area right now, and the one answer you truly need is not going to come anytime soon.

[RedBeard93]

Hello Pook,

Yeah I agree with you.

In all honesty the line of "the one thing I can avoid right now is you" really got me and not in the way I expected. She is really unwell right now but I can't have someone I thought would be my future say look out of everything going on right now you're the one thing I can avoid.

As I was cleaning I did catch some of her notes recently from a session and she's very much feeling like she has no self worth, she's a burden, no one checks in with her etc which is hard because I feel like I always did but those feelings run deep for her and she needs to figure that out.

She also stated that she knows she withdraws and that she has concerns that people with leave. Again I understand those feelings are deep rooted but its very difficult to understand when she's the one leaving me and that in turn will cause me to leave.

I think I have a very good grasp on how she feels but at the same time it's tricky to understand her actions if you get me?

I think she's right and her mum's right as well she almost needs this time alone to really try and deal with her mental and physical health and as much as it pains me to do it, I'll just have to keep on trying to just live my life and get on with things.

Right now I'm actually feeling like I'm in a okay headspace. You guys are helping a lot and I'm less emotional. Obviously I have good and bad days.

I think I'm still in denial about her moving out and when / if that day comes I think it'll hit me hard. But until then I'm making progress I think