Hopeless

[Peacefulriver]

I have been married for 15 very hard and long years. My husband definitely has a personality disorder. I’m not sure if it’s BPD or narcissism or both. But it’s been the most emotionally draining thing I’ve ever walked through. We have 4 kids and it took me years to even see what was happening because I didn’t even know people like this existed. Feeling so hopeless knowing these type of people don’t really change. I don’t want to break up my family but also not sure how long I can continue to live in such emotional turmoil. Currently reading “Stop walking on eggshells”. Life with him has been eggshells the entire time since getting married. My faith tells me to keep enduring to not hurt my kids with divorce. But all of my inner being knows he’s not a person I can change or truly feel loved or safe with.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[stevemcduck]

read stop walking on eggshells stop caretaking for partners, that would be better for you in your situation.

sorry to hear of your struggle, would you like to share more and gain some advice?

we are all struggling with the same issues here

[kells76]

Hi Peacefulriver, just joining with stevemcduck to welcome you to the group.

15 years and 4 kids is quite the commitment. How old are your kids, and how do they seem to be doing?

When did you start to think that your H definitely had a PD? Does he have anything else going on (drug use, alcoholism, suicide/homicide threats...)?

And are any of you (you, H, kids) in any kind of counseling/therapy?

...

We understand here that people remain in BPD relationships for any number of reasons, and we respect that and are committed to supporting you, no matter what path you choose. Our article on What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship with a pwBPD, a great starting place, discusses that, too:

Understand Why: There are a many reasons to be in BP relationship or to try.  It's a deeply personal decision.  Sometimes the reasons are unhealthy- such as BPD/NPD relationships, BPD/Co-dependent relationship, etc.   It's important to understand your own emotional health and what motivates you to "stay in" and build a life that "evolves around" and has to "continually compensate for" the acts of a destructive person. Many professionals enter therapy when they are treating BPD to stay grounded.  It is a good idea for you too.

People stay for reasons of faith, kids, finances, you name it... and we'll be here for you as you find a way to make your situation as livable as it can be, under these challenging circumstances.