Hi there Eagleman133 and welcome to the group
Sorry to hear you're going through this painful time in your relationship. Two weeks without a phone call would be hard to handle for anyone, especially after 4 weeks without seeing each other.
My girlfriend has bpd and bi polar type 2.
That can be a challenging combination. Do you know how long ago she was diagnosed? Is she accepting of her diagnoses, or in denial of them? Is she in any kind of treatment or therapy?
We had plans to spend the next day together and she cancelled on me to see her friend. Then has proceeded to ignore me for two weeks after telling her I was not happy with being cancelled on so last minute, it’s been sporadic messages from her stuff like I’m at work, she says she’s feeling depressed right now but has never ignored me like this before. We are going on two weeks without a phone conversation
One thought that came to mind is that many persons with BPD take longer to get back to an "emotional baseline" (place of being regulated) than persons without BPD. Additionally, many pwBPD struggle with overwhelming feelings of shame. And, many pwBPD have poor, low, or unhealthy coping skills for their intense emotions.
I could see how she could initially feel shame for cancelling on you; then, due to pwBPD being extremely emotionally sensitive, she may have felt more hurt and shame than most people would, after hearing that you weren't happy about the cancellation. A big reaction to feeling very hurt and ashamed would be to self-isolate. And, in self-isolation, she may be trying to come back to an emotional baseline, but it's just taking longer than you might expect. For you, you might be able to re-regulate after 30 minutes or a couple of hours. Her timeline could be more like days to weeks to more.
In fact, this topic came up earlier today:
BPD traits and behaviors can make relationships more challenging, though not impossible to have. And, BPD is a spectrum disorder -- ranging from occasional, less impactful emotional dysregulation, through unlivable behaviors such as violence.
Something important to know about BPD is that pwBPD (persons with BPD) frequently struggle with all three of the following:
-high emotional sensitivity (something that wouldn't really bother a person without BPD, can be very painful to a pwBPD)
-high emotional reactivity (a person without BPD might respond to an emotionally painful situation at a 5/10 level -- being upset, wanting to talk about it, raised voice -- but a pwBPD might react to an emotionally painful situation at a 10/10 level -- screaming, suicide threats, breakups, violence)
-long return to emotional baseline (a person without BPD might only need 30 minutes to re-regulate after an argument; a pwBPD might need hours, days, or weeks to return to an emotional baseline and regulate)
Any person, with or without BPD, can have any of those traits. For example, I'm pretty emotionally sensitive, and I have a long return to emotional baseline, but I'm generally not externally emotionally reactive. It's more that if BPD is in play, it's very likely that your loved one will struggle with all three tendencies -- and that is really important information for you to have, especially if you are negotiating a breakup situation.
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it’s been sporadic messages from her stuff like I’m at work, she says she’s feeling depressed right now but has never ignored me like this before. We are going on two weeks without a phone conversation
Am I tracking with you that even though you two are not talking on the phone, you are still communicating via text messages?
I’m afraid it’s over?
To me, it seems hard to say at this point. She may just be doing the best she can to decrease her own pain, using lower skilled approaches (isolation).
Have the two of you had any "breakups" before this one?
