How long was the relationship?
If a person decides that a relationship isn't working, does it automatically make them borderline?
About 15 months. But it was the first time I stopped being the giver and started really letting her know I didn't feel a connection and there were some compromises/support I needed from her.
Usually wed argue and I'd end up always apologizing and she'd go right back to doing what she wanted.
And I think the borderline traits at least are from her complete lack of empathy, always doing what she wanted, intense jealousy, and how quickly she cut all emotional ties because I started adamantly making boundaries.
And we got together no more than a month after her ex left her because he started making his compromise needs felt. And just the whole cycle of her infatuation in the beginning which slowly turned into self centerdness, and the black or white thinking, shopping addiction, inability to discuss or express emotions other than anxiety or rage, and her constant search for some identity that would fulfill her.
At the end it was either work on it mutually and give some genuine selfless love or leave. And I believe she was incapable so to not risk being abandoned she cut ties. She did it with her ex too and rebounded with me immediately
And I firmly believe if I had sucked it up and kept doing all she expected wed be together. So thay there was a sign for me. Maybe I'm wrong. But she did quit after 3 cpuples therapy sessions because, and I quote, "it's too much work." She does see her therapist but I think she allows her to play the victim role. Our couples therapist was a little more direct.
And I just have one more example to suggest she has the traits with the need for control. She left our work place while we were dating and her new boss set alot of boundaries about not being late, leavING early, etc. She would complain all the time to me. Eventually she must have broke hm down with her cry sessions to him because by the end of us he was letting her leave early and reassured her she wouldn't be fired for taking random sick days. So she was absolutely unable to stay there if she didn't exercise some control. The second she did she was okay working there.
