Recovery - and so much more - is a process, not an event.
A final decree is an event but many of the toughest aspects depend upon processing the impact of it all. I agree it's hard to find a way to separate lives after a failed marriage, especially if the other continues pulling at you with emotional twists and turns.
We don't want to be the unfeeling guy (or gal) yet the new boundaries after marriage are there to help us follow our new path. As time progresses you'll be able to more easily balance the level of contact you have. Here's a boundary I learned and shared long ago. It may help you navigate how to manage scenarios when others can't or shouldn't make their problems your problems.
Reminds me of when years ago I manned lobby reception desks in a couple NYC hotels. Passersby would walk in and ask to use a restroom. Sometimes even a mother with kids jumping up and down. "Sorry, the restrooms are in the rooms." I'd be asked, putting me on the spot, where do you go? "I go through a locked door in the basement for staff facilities. Why don't you go across the street and use a nearby restaurant?" But they would say the restaurants said their restrooms are only for their customers and they'd have to buy something.
I would turn to my less experienced coworkers and enlighten them, "While we want to help people, there are limits and there are times when we can't let other people transform their problems into our problems."
