hi sarizzlewestcst, and
I’m not sure I want to marry him and stick around to deal with these chaotic and random episodes of putting me down & mean comments that are unprovoked. We can be having the best day then something random will set him off.
if bpd is anything, it is big feelings + a great difficulty, or inability, to regulate them. it is a lack of adult coping/regulation mechanisms. a comparison youll often see in the literature is that its like having emotional third degree burns.
loving someone with bpd isnt easy. its a special needs relationship. for it to thrive, it takes great patience, great strength, a strong support system, and great coping skills.
even with those things, it means that it will always be challenging, and that there will likely always be storms. if you choose this relationship, you should do so with eyes wide open, and a full sense of whats at stake.
with the skills we learn here, we learn to weather those storms, and ideally, they become less frequent, less damaging, and we create a healthier environment where both repair and trust can exist. to what extent really personally depends on our partners, ourselves, and our unique relationships.
this is a good place to start; it really lays it all out there:
https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship
