this is the end?

[aboy]

• September (last year): We broke up after an intense 1-year relationship. There was no real closure—just pain and confusion.

• September–November: She quickly entered a rebound relationship that lasted around 3 months. I begged a lot, acted out emotionally, and she blocked me multiple times. That “runner” relationship ended by late December.

• December–January: She resurfaced, saying things like: “I can’t fully let you go. There’s an angel and a devil on my shoulders.” We met, talked for hours, and even slept together once. But when I asked if we could try again, she said: “Don’t hope—I never give second chances.”

• February: She started seeing another guy (a football player). By mid-February, the relationship was official. I continued sending low-key supportive or emotional texts to her private TikTok account—this was my “safe space” for 10 months after the breakup. She used to read them regularly.

• March–May: Mixed signals. She still read my private TikTok messages and occasionally texted me. Meanwhile, she posted more photos with her new boyfriend. March would’ve marked our 2-year anniversary. I suggested a gentle no-contact back in February, but by then she was already with him.

• Early June: Her new boyfriend seemed narcissistic, and I was genuinely concerned for her. I texted her a symbolic story about a BPD girl being trapped by a love-bombing narcissistic guy, hoping she’d relate. But she turned it around, saying: “You’re doing the same thing to me.”
The next day she sent a picture of her boyfriend wearing my old hoodie—which felt like a provocation. Then, on June 9, she blocked me on every platform.

• Past Month: The block remains. Her social media shows a picture-perfect relationship—trips, sleepovers, meeting his parents. Yet at the same time, she reposts sad videos like:
 – “Last June, I was living a totally different life.”
 – “Wish my concealer could hide all the pathetic things I did to feel loved.”


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My Questions:

– Does a total block always mean genuine closure, or could it be a way to silence internal conflict and avoid emotional overload?

– Could she actually be happy now, or is she overcompensating by posting “perfect” couple moments while still resharing sadness?

– Why did she send that picture of her boyfriend wearing my hoodie? Was it a goodbye, a provocation, or something else?

– Did I actually do something wrong by telling that symbolic story? I never attacked her—I just tried to help.

– Is this really the end? How could she go from “I can’t live without you, but I’ll try” to this complete cutoff?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pook075]

Hello and welcome to the family.  I'm so sorry you're still struggling.

– Does a total block always mean genuine closure, or could it be a way to silence internal conflict and avoid emotional overload?

– Could she actually be happy now, or is she overcompensating by posting “perfect” couple moments while still resharing sadness?

– Why did she send that picture of her boyfriend wearing my hoodie? Was it a goodbye, a provocation, or something else?

– Did I actually do something wrong by telling that symbolic story? I never attacked her—I just tried to help.

– Is this really the end? How could she go from “I can’t live without you, but I’ll try” to this complete cutoff?

BPD relationships go in cycles; they start off amazing because they've found the perfect person in every possible way.  They're so all-in on the relationship that they mirror everything the other person loves and make it a part of themself. 

But over time, they realize that hey, their person isn't perfect (because nobody is) and they begin to second-guess everything.  Maybe there's mood changes or new habits; these things are there to protect themselves from their own self-esteem and a massive fear of abandonment.

Over time, things might escalate, and seemingly little things are suddenly treated like life-shattering things.  That's because the non-BPD person thinks things are fine while the BPD feels like they're in crisis mode.  Everything gets scrutinized, every word, every reaction...they all signal that they're about to have their heart broken.

So what happens?  They get so insecure that they blow up the relationship and flee.

Over time, they enter a new relationship and restart the cycle- the new person is absolutely perfect!  But they're not, and the same self-destructive pattern unfolds.  Before long, they're blowing that relationship up and looking backwards...that old relationship was so much better! 

Maybe they go back or maybe they meet someone new.  Either way, the cycle starts all over again.  And it never stops until they feel completely safe and secure with their person.

Going back to your questions, being blocked is something that happens in the moment, it's a feeling.  Does that means it's forever?  Not at all.

Could she be happy now?  Absolutely...for now.  And maybe the guy is a narcissist, but she doesn't see it yet.

Why did she send the picture?  Who knows, but my guess is that she sees the guy as perfect and when you sent the story, she felt like you were trying to manipulate her.  So she did it back to you.  Maybe it wasn't your intention to harm her, but she's looking at this through a jaded lens.  In her mind, it was absolutely an attack.

Is this the end?  It's different for every BPD, but they all run in cycles in every relationship (with parents, friends, lovers, etc).  If she said that she never gives anyone a second chance, then maybe that's the truth.  But at the same time, she's tried to push you away and you're still around.  Maybe there will be a chance to reconcile...its very hard to guess.

What should you do?  It's been nine months, yet this still sounds pretty raw.  You need to give yourself time to actually heal and grieve this relationship.  You have zero control over what she does, but 100% control over your own path.

[Under The Bridge]

Without her getting professional treatment - which she first has to accept she needs, which they rarely do - you’ll get the same cycle which is now clearly running. Plus she now knows that when she’s with a new guy you’re still there for her to go back to if this new relationship fails. BDP’s never want to be alone and her coming back doesn’t mean they want us specifically, they’re filling a needy gap in their emotions.

You’ll see the ‘Three C’s’ mentioned often on the site, which are wise words.. You didn’t Cause it. You can’t Control it. You can’t Cure it.

It’s okay to grieve over the situation - we’ve all done it and many still are grieving to some extent - but you have to try to get on with your life, hard though that is. If you don’t, then not only did she take away your happiness then, you’re letting her do it now, even when you’re not with her and you know you can‘t control her. Double damage.

Even if you still hope she’ll come back and are willing to ride the roundabout again you still owe it to yourself to take care of yourself, mentally and physically. Stay strong, keep busy and active and let your family and friends support you.

Best wishes

[aboy]

Hey, thank you so much for your thoughtful and compassionate message — it truly meant a lot. It's rare to come across someone who sees the full picture with such clarity, not just from the outside, but with real understanding of the cycle, the pain, and the hope that keeps coming back.

I feel like right now, she isn’t being herself at all. She’s doing things she once hated, copying behaviors that never used to feel like her. And I’m scared that in trying to be loved by someone else, she’s slowly losing parts of who she really is.

With me, she could be herself — fully, without having to perform or become someone else to feel safe. That’s what hurts the most: watching someone you love drift further from who they truly are.

But again, thank you — your words reminded me that I’m not crazy for feeling all of this.

[aboy]

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this – it really means a lot. You put things into words that I often struggle to express myself.

I know deep down that you’re right: unless she accepts the need for professional help, this cycle will only repeat itself again and again. I guess what hurts most is seeing how she’s changing in this new relationship – doing things she used to hate, mirroring someone else’s identity so intensely that I barely recognize her anymore. It feels like she’s losing the parts of herself that made her who she was.

With me, she could be herself. And even when things were painful, there was still that raw honesty between us. Now it feels like she’s trying so hard to become someone else just to make this work, and I can’t help but fear that she’ll eventually lose herself in the process.

Still, your reminder about the Three C’s – that I didn’t Cause it, can’t Control it, and can’t Cure it – helps me breathe a little easier. I’ll try to hold on to that as I move forward, even when it’s difficult.

Thanks again for your insight and kindness – it genuinely helps more than you know.