Rant/Leaving a bpd relationship/experiences

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

hi all so i apologize in advance for what might seem like a rant..also hope someone out there reads this but…ive been in a absolutely horrendous relationship with my now wife that is diagnosed bpd for 3 1/2 years now. i want to preface..i FULLY take responsibility for staying as long as i have and in no way want to belittle anyone who has bpd but this is my experience.

things started out extremely fast, passionate, intense, when dating you know, the obvious bpd stuff that is often talked about but my experience compared to some ive seen online is honestly quite different in terms of severity. Over the course of the past few years there has been everything ranging from physical abuse (small amounts of it but still happened), Blackmail, emotional manipulation, and some days i genuinely feel insane. I try to be understanding as she had a ROUGH childhood but at this point i think i have to leave but i am currently stuck with no options for a bit.

i have 4 kids, 2 with her and 2 from a previous woman that i get along well with, good coparenting relationship now. however my wife hates my kids that i had with her as well as her. she was always jealous that i had kids with another woman even when she met me but when i list all the things i’ve went through i think some of you will be surprised. easiest way is to just list them off so here it goes…

1.last year, she tried befriending my older kids mom and eventually moved in with her and tried initiating a romantic relationship before getting kicked out for doing so/having bpd episode there.
2.around same time, she done same to my parents.started a close friendship with them in hopes of isolating me. that lasted a while then that inevitably fell through as all her relationships unfortunately do.
3.shes punched me twice, multiple cop calls, she got charged for domestic violence which i eventually dropped because coparenting was going decent and i just wanted no problems with her.
4. we got married during a “good phase” but that turned dark QUICK.
5. I eventually got out of the hellscape last year only to have to move right back in with her this year as my family is honestly no help in this (and they aren’t obligated too, i put myself in this)
6.Along with the various amounts of manipulation, her main thing was making you feel isolated. i think thats something she does because internally thats how she feels as she cant maintain any friendships.
7.she done therapy for a couple weeks and dropped out of it. multiple medications of different kinds, the anti pysche ones helped the most but honestly was just a band aid that ripped off every now and again.
8. the emotional up and down rollercoaster is absolutely insane. one hour things are on top of the world, the next my whole world is crumbling.
9. ive tried everything imaginable to make it work. even went as far as giving up completely, whatever she wanted i made happen and…still wasn’t enough somehow.
10. she also abused her medications some which was a problem in its own. she would run out early because she would take more than prescribed which would then lead to more episodes.
11. due to the things ive been through i have often thought that she genuinely also had some kind of sociopathic or psychopathic disorder as well but that could be just my personal perception of everything and not 100% true.
12.The advanced levels of lieing she could pull off was/is astonishing.


i have 2 children with this woman and i feel genuinely stuck. I recently lost my job as i had to move an hour away and live with her and childcare just didnt work out easy so im having to currently look for a job, place to live, and all of that all while dealing with this every day. Life is getting darker and darker and i dont know how much longer i can hold on truthfully. ive done everything i could to help her, be there for her and try to understand her condition but it has drained me emotionally, physically, financially, and mentally and im done. im getting out. i barely know who i am anymore.

i hope me posting this someone reads it and doesn’t feel as alone as i have. im a 25 year old healthy fit man and mentally i feel like ive been through war and back multiple times and experienced the worst stuff imaginable. i truly feel for people who suffer from this disorder and i resignate with any who have lived through a relationship while putting up with the effects of it.

[Steakisgood42]

hi all so i apologize in advance for what might seem like a rant..also hope someone out there reads this but…ive been in a absolutely horrendous relationship with my now wife that is diagnosed bpd for 3 1/2 years now. i want to preface..i FULLY take responsibility for staying as long as i have and in no way want to belittle anyone who has bpd but this is my experience.

things started out extremely fast, passionate, intense, when dating you know, the obvious bpd stuff that is often talked about but my experience compared to some ive seen online is honestly quite different in terms of severity. Over the course of the past few years there has been everything ranging from physical abuse (small amounts of it but still happened), Blackmail, emotional manipulation, and some days i genuinely feel insane. I try to be understanding as she had a ROUGH childhood but at this point i think i have to leave but i am currently stuck with no options for a bit.

i have 4 kids, 2 with her and 2 from a previous woman that i get along well with, good coparenting relationship now. however my wife hates my kids that i had with her as well as her. she was always jealous that i had kids with another woman even when she met me but when i list all the things i’ve went through i think some of you will be surprised. easiest way is to just list them off so here it goes…

1.last year, she tried befriending my older kids mom and eventually moved in with her and tried initiating a romantic relationship before getting kicked out for doing so/having bpd episode there.
2.around same time, she done same to my parents.started a close friendship with them in hopes of isolating me. that lasted a while then that inevitably fell through as all her relationships unfortunately do.
3.shes punched me twice, multiple cop calls, she got charged for domestic violence which i eventually dropped because coparenting was going decent and i just wanted no problems with her.
4. we got married during a “good phase” but that turned dark QUICK.
5. I eventually got out of the hellscape last year only to have to move right back in with her this year as my family is honestly no help in this (and they aren’t obligated too, i put myself in this)
6.Along with the various amounts of manipulation, her main thing was making you feel isolated. i think thats something she does because internally thats how she feels as she cant maintain any friendships.
7.she done therapy for a couple weeks and dropped out of it. multiple medications of different kinds, the anti pysche ones helped the most but honestly was just a band aid that ripped off every now and again.
8. the emotional up and down rollercoaster is absolutely insane. one hour things are on top of the world, the next my whole world is crumbling.
9. ive tried everything imaginable to make it work. even went as far as giving up completely, whatever she wanted i made happen and…still wasn’t enough somehow.
10. she also abused her medications some which was a problem in its own. she would run out early because she would take more than prescribed which would then lead to more episodes.
11. due to the things ive been through i have often thought that she genuinely also had some kind of sociopathic or psychopathic disorder as well but that could be just my personal perception of everything and not 100% true.
12.The advanced levels of lieing she could pull off was/is astonishing.


i have 2 children with this woman and i feel genuinely stuck. I recently lost my job as i had to move an hour away and live with her and childcare just didnt work out easy so im having to currently look for a job, place to live, and all of that all while dealing with this every day. Life is getting darker and darker and i dont know how much longer i can hold on truthfully. ive done everything i could to help her, be there for her and try to understand her condition but it has drained me emotionally, physically, financially, and mentally and im done. im getting out. i barely know who i am anymore.

i hope me posting this someone reads it and doesn’t feel as alone as i have. im a 25 year old healthy fit man and mentally i feel like ive been through war and back multiple times and experienced the worst stuff imaginable. i truly feel for people who suffer from this disorder and i resignate with any who have lived through a relationship while putting up with the effects of it.

[HoratioX]

I read your "rant" -- which it really isn't -- a few times. You don't seem to be asking for a reaction or response, but I'm going to post anyway. Everything I'm writing is in good will to you, so I hope you take it that way.

You should reach out to a professional therapist if you haven't already. I realize you're between jobs and such, but there may be free services somewhere online or in your community.

I say this for two reasons:

First, you may be hurting more than you suggest even in the post, and I think talking to someone professional about it could help.

Second, you're only 25 and have had now had four children, including two with your wife with BPD. I think it's important to think not only of your own health and welfare in all this but also your children's. If this is a challenging time for you, it must be for them, as well. The difference is you're a young adult, with some life experience and understanding. They are not.

A lot of the rest sounds familiar -- the outbursts, the arguing, the triangulation with others to keep you isolated or off balance. None of that is unusual when involved with someone with BPD (or CPTSD, anxiety, etc.). The degree of severity, though, suggests she may well be comorbid with other issues. You suggest psychopathy (or similar), and if so, that would be important to discuss with a professional -- not for them to try to diagnose her from afar, which they won't, but for advice on how you might proceed if, indeed, they have additional issues. Her capacity for violence, for example, is a big red flag.

You don't say she's bisexual, but if I read correctly, she moved in and tried to start a relationship with the mother of your other children? Is that correct? You don't exactly seem fazed by this. I'm not trying to pry, but is that because you were aware of her sexual preferences? Are you and/or she involved in an alternative lifestyle?

Again, I'm not trying to pry nor judge. Sexuality between consenting adults is their business. But I'm wondering if there is a larger relationship dynamic than just you and her -- that is, you, her, and your ex or others. I say this because you say she hates both her children with you and your children with your ex (if I read your statement correctly).

That's a lot of baggage, and the dynamic is confusing since if she feels that way about the children, why would your ex allow her to move in with her? Who has custody of the children with that ex? There's something missing in the details that makes understanding that dynamic -- and how it might be affecting the children, in particular -- digestible.

At the same time, I don't know that it's unusual for someone with BPD to have or claim to have an attraction to both sexes. At various points, mine did. But she would waffle on this. For instance, at one time, she claimed she'd never been with another woman, but then at other times, she intimated she had. With someone with BPD (or CPTSD, anxiety, etc.), it's not always clear when they are being honest versus saying what they think you want to hear -- or when they are falsely remembering something. Plus, it's been suggested, someone with BPD (etc.) may experience such intense fears of abandonment, they will use their sexuality regardless of sex or gender to get what they want.

I'll reiterate, I don't mean to be hung up on sexuality. But there's something missing here. She triangulates with your ex and family but then wants to move in with your ex, too. Is that all part of the triangulation or is it her BPD (etc.)? That part is quite fuzzy.

Regardless of whether or not all this is part of your lifestyle, I'd strongly recommend focusing on yourself and your children. That is, getting or staying healthy --including avoiding the toxicity with your wife, at least to the degree you can -- and on the health and welfare of your children. What happens now can have a profound impact on them for the rest of their lives. Whatever battled your wife is fighting should get your sympathy, but only to the degree you understand it's her battle. Your health and the health of your children is your responsibility. Good luck, and I mean that.