New to Oz

[MammaT]

Hello, I'm new to this forum and looking for support and clarity. I've got a mother who has BPD tendencies, lots of personal/relational trauma, and who struggles financially. Naturally this impacts our relationship as I've often operated as her listening ear, stable rock, and recently even let her live with my husband and I for a short amount of time. She often attacks my choices when I don't agree with her worldview, is emotionally volatile, and stubborn. She has trouble keeping a stable job and has very few close relationships in her life outside of her boyfriend (who is dependent on her for housing), her daughters, and a few close friends; and often speaks negatively about those whom she is close with. I find her draining, demanding, and very negative. I actually have regretted helping her get back on her feet by allowing her to live with us as she now lives in our town. I often find myself thinking about her often, as I feel obligated to check in with her but don't enjoy being with her as she often dominates the conversation and talks about conspiracy theories. There has been a long history of her screaming at my sister and I not to live within "THE MATRIX" and maintain financial stability but then expects us to care for her in her older years by having to work twice as hard to possibly help her in her older years. She has held high paying jobs but has pissed all her hard earned money away on supplements, travels for spiritual things, and going out to eat. She's run out of her retirement and lives month to month working draining positions. It's tragic to see her in such a vulnerable position but I can not support her financially or allow her to live with my husband and I as it negatively impacts our marriage. I find I have strong feelings of guilt and responsibility for her but she often makes me feel bad to the extent of not wanting to be around her and feeling better mentally when I am not around her. I'm in therapy for this and struggle to find acceptance in who and where she is in life.