Considering reaching out to my ex, it’s been over a year since the break

[GoodVibes]

I’m looking for some advice if I should reach out to my ex undiagnosed borderline girlfriend. We broke up over a year ago and the last time we spoke was in early February and she still was splitting on me. Of course there was no closure whatsoever. It was a complete. I need to protect myself walked out my front door and ghosted me after being together for three years. The reason for me to contact her is I just wanna see how she’s doing. We don’t have any friend connection so I really don’t know what’s going on in her life nor do I do any social media. I’m on the fence with the decision because I heard some people say sure reach out. Let them know you still care for Her. And others tell me no wait till she reaches out to you. There’s a part of me that really just wants a kind of reckoning for everything that I went through which I may not get and I’m just looking for some simple advice.

Hope you guys are having a wonderful summer if you’re in the northern hemisphere.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Under The Bridge]

Hi, I think we've all been through the 'should I contact them again?' phase at one point or another. I actually wrote to my BPD-ex after a very long time apart when I found out she was living quite close to me. I never got any reply - which is probably just as well as I couldn't ever see her changing. I told myself I was just writing to 'see how she was' and nothing more.. but I knew deep down that if she'd wanted to meet up I'd have done it.

Are you thinking of doing this just to find out how she is and possible get some closure or are you actually wanting to get back with her in a relationship? You need to be honest with yourself as to your reasons and know that you could end up on exactly the same treadmill you were on with her, with the same inevitable ending.

As for getting some sort of closure, that's highly unlikely as in the mind of a BPD, they see themselves as the victim. Even if they did feel some remorse at their actions, their feelings of shame and guilt won't let them admit it; they prefer to simply blank it out.

Nothing wrong with sending her a short 'Hi, how you doing?' message. Just be prepared for what it could lead to.

Good luck with whatever you do - keep us informed.