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Things I couldn't have known
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
Am I the Cause of Borderline Personality Disorder?
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Author Topic: Heartbroken  (Read 213 times)
Bubbles123
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1


« on: August 14, 2025, 06:51:00 AM »

My daughter has not been diagnosed with bpd but has traits of it. She has gone no contact and has made up alot of false accusations against me. She has made a social media page and constantly posts about how she is the victim of her toxic family. I had to block her for my own wellbeing. However recently she has been trying to contact me. Most people tell me not to respond as this is what she does however I'm scared she will do something. I'm living in fear. I know if I answer her she will say everything was my fault. She believes she says is true. I believe she currently has noone around her as she will either pushed them away or they left. What should I do? I want to answer but I'm scared of the things she says and how she currently views me in her mind. I am heartbroken. I don't think she will ever get the help she needs.
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Sancho
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« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2025, 05:34:31 PM »

Hi Bubbles12
Sorry the three on my keyboard is not working! I have been a bit sick so offline for a while. I came back this morning and read your post. -

I can only give my opinion and I suppose it's summed up in that saying 'there is a time for everything'. There is a time to respond and a time not to respond - we can say this for every response that we are called to make in relating to our BPD child.

Only you can decide what to do this time. Don't feel bad or guilty if you decide to respond. There is a time to block and a time not to block.

Talking about blocking  . . . I think we should block the effect of our child's negative coThmments and verbal abuse ALL the time. This is where we focus on ourselves and how to respond in these situations. This lesson has been life changing for me.

This is what I learnt:
I am my DD's 'target of abuse'. She needs to blame me for everything because her self is too fragile to accept that she has the problem. So she is unleashes on me to release the pain and emotional distress that she carries whenever she is triggered - which can be by anything very small.

I trained myself to imagine the words were like balls whizzing past me - when they don't land they can't hurt.

I practiced the art of not JADE - ing. This is a fantastic help. When we are being criticised - or abused! - it is normal to be on high alert to answer back and get the truth out there. This only escalates the other person. We do this by justifying ourselves, arguing, discussing or explaining. All these things keep the BPD person's emotions very high. When they are in that state best to 'greystone rock' ie don't get caught up in emotions.

The other thing is the power of the general affirmation. I've found it's better to make general affirmations like 'It's painful when hurtful things happen'.

I hope this is helpful. It is only how I have coped with DD living in the house with me, being the target of blame and involved in the general chaos.
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