Step Son Still No Contact A Year Later

[Depression = 72% of members]

My step-son's wife it the one with BPD.  It has been just shy of a year that he has cut off all communication with my husband, his dad.  A quick overview:  my husband and his son were very close - spoke to each other every day.  My step-son and his wife had a son - my step son would face time us each night with our grandson.  For our grandson's first birthday, my husband bought our grandson a gift he was very excited to give to his grandson - he let his son and his wife know about it in advance.  Less than a week before our grandson's first birthday party, my step son texted his dad to tell him not to bring the gift and that he had to respect his wife's wishes.  This shocked and hurt my husband.  But, he abided by his son's wishes even though he was extremely hurt and disappointed.  We bought another gift for our grandson for his birthday party.  At the party my husband was speaking to my step son's mom and her husband and expressed his disappointment about what occurred.  After the birthday party the daily calls and facetimes stopped occurring.  My husband reached out to his son to find out if all was ok and if not to please let me know.  Step son, responded aggressively accusing my husband of talking to his mother behind his back and then said some pretty horrible things to really hurt my husband.  My husband was shocked, hurt and angry this time.  However, my step stopped all communication from that point.  I too was simply beyond words - who is this person?  This is not who my step son is.  He would never disrespect and intentionally hurt his dad this way.  My husband continued to reach out every now and then to just let him know that he loved him.  No responses.  At Christmas time, we attempted to extend an olive branch by sending an email letting both my step son and his wife know that we missed them and our grandson, and would love to get together over the holidays to talk.  This was met with a response from my step son's wife stating that they "both were not mentally prepared to deal with this and that they are declining our invitation" period.  My husband still reached out here and there to let his son know that he loved him, once saying whatever is going on has gone on long enough, let's talk.  Still crickets. 

Fast forward to last month.  I got on facebook and was met with 2 notices from Facebook admin letting me know that they were removing a picture of myself, granddaughter (from another son) and grandson as well as a short birthday video of my grandson because they infringed upon someone's privacy rights.  These both were posted a year ago. I researched and found out that a request of this nature to Facebook usually takes 3-4 days for Facebook to remove from the time they receive the request.  As well, I am not "friends" with my step son nor his wife on facebook as they unfriended and blocked myself, my husband, and my step son's two half sisters.  Any family members of theirs that were "friends" on facebook have also unfriended and blocked us as well.  We are basically persona non grata on that side. 

As well just a two weeks ago, my step son actually reached out to my husband via messenger - said how much he missed him and that he was sorry it had taken so long for him to reach out, that it has taken him a long time to "find" himself and would my husband like to meet with him to talk over a beer in two days.   My husband almost fell off his chair when he saw that.  But he decided to proceed carefully.  He responded that he loved him too and would like to meet with him to talk with but could they meet on a different day and suggested the day and time.  Step son responded sure.  The morning of the day they were to meet, my husband reached out to reconfirm and never heard anything back from his son. 

Then we found out today from our grand daughter (she is from another son), that my step son, his wife and our grandson met with my husband's ex (not my step son's mother - she is the mother of his other children) or a picnic.  Doesn't sound too bad right?  Except it is actually.  My husband's ex has narcassitic personality disorder and has made our lives hell for the past 10 years.  That is for a totally different forum group!  My step son is fully aware of all that this woman has done not just to my husband and myself but to her own kids (my other step kids) and others for her own personal gain.  He too, was affected by her and basically disowned her when he grew older and knew better. 

To find that out on top of his not responding and once again ghosting my husband after HE was the one who reached out and the picture removals from facebook - all of this occurring a year later - is beyond anything I could have ever imagined happening.  My poor husband has done nothing wrong other than to express his disappointment about not being able to present his grandson a gift for his first birthday.  And for that he (and by extension me) have been cut off and punished by not being able to see our grandson - we've missed a whole year of his life.  It is just mind boggling and baffling. After all of this, my husband is now at a point where he has said that he is done attempting to reach out.  I normally would try to gingerly push him to keep sending I love you's every now and then just so his son knows he's there, but there has been so much hurt once again in the past month alone, that I can't really blame him.  Perhaps it's time to disassociate from him for my husband's own well being?

[Uddermudder123]

My step-son's wife it the one with BPD.  It has been just shy of a year that he has cut off all communication with my husband, his dad.  A quick overview:  my husband and his son were very close - spoke to each other every day.  My step-son and his wife had a son - my step son would face time us each night with our grandson.  For our grandson's first birthday, my husband bought our grandson a gift he was very excited to give to his grandson - he let his son and his wife know about it in advance.  Less than a week before our grandson's first birthday party, my step son texted his dad to tell him not to bring the gift and that he had to respect his wife's wishes.  This shocked and hurt my husband.  But, he abided by his son's wishes even though he was extremely hurt and disappointed.  We bought another gift for our grandson for his birthday party.  At the party my husband was speaking to my step son's mom and her husband and expressed his disappointment about what occurred.  After the birthday party the daily calls and facetimes stopped occurring.  My husband reached out to his son to find out if all was ok and if not to please let me know.  Step son, responded aggressively accusing my husband of talking to his mother behind his back and then said some pretty horrible things to really hurt my husband.  My husband was shocked, hurt and angry this time.  However, my step stopped all communication from that point.  I too was simply beyond words - who is this person?  This is not who my step son is.  He would never disrespect and intentionally hurt his dad this way.  My husband continued to reach out every now and then to just let him know that he loved him.  No responses.  At Christmas time, we attempted to extend an olive branch by sending an email letting both my step son and his wife know that we missed them and our grandson, and would love to get together over the holidays to talk.  This was met with a response from my step son's wife stating that they "both were not mentally prepared to deal with this and that they are declining our invitation" period.  My husband still reached out here and there to let his son know that he loved him, once saying whatever is going on has gone on long enough, let's talk.  Still crickets. 

Fast forward to last month.  I got on facebook and was met with 2 notices from Facebook admin letting me know that they were removing a picture of myself, granddaughter (from another son) and grandson as well as a short birthday video of my grandson because they infringed upon someone's privacy rights.  These both were posted a year ago. I researched and found out that a request of this nature to Facebook usually takes 3-4 days for Facebook to remove from the time they receive the request.  As well, I am not "friends" with my step son nor his wife on facebook as they unfriended and blocked myself, my husband, and my step son's two half sisters.  Any family members of theirs that were "friends" on facebook have also unfriended and blocked us as well.  We are basically persona non grata on that side. 

As well just a two weeks ago, my step son actually reached out to my husband via messenger - said how much he missed him and that he was sorry it had taken so long for him to reach out, that it has taken him a long time to "find" himself and would my husband like to meet with him to talk over a beer in two days.   My husband almost fell off his chair when he saw that.  But he decided to proceed carefully.  He responded that he loved him too and would like to meet with him to talk with but could they meet on a different day and suggested the day and time.  Step son responded sure.  The morning of the day they were to meet, my husband reached out to reconfirm and never heard anything back from his son. 

Then we found out today from our grand daughter (she is from another son), that my step son, his wife and our grandson met with my husband's ex (not my step son's mother - she is the mother of his other children) or a picnic.  Doesn't sound too bad right?  Except it is actually.  My husband's ex has narcassitic personality disorder and has made our lives hell for the past 10 years.  That is for a totally different forum group!  My step son is fully aware of all that this woman has done not just to my husband and myself but to her own kids (my other step kids) and others for her own personal gain.  He too, was affected by her and basically disowned her when he grew older and knew better. 

To find that out on top of his not responding and once again ghosting my husband after HE was the one who reached out and the picture removals from facebook - all of this occurring a year later - is beyond anything I could have ever imagined happening.  My poor husband has done nothing wrong other than to express his disappointment about not being able to present his grandson a gift for his first birthday.  And for that he (and by extension me) have been cut off and punished by not being able to see our grandson - we've missed a whole year of his life.  It is just mind boggling and baffling. After all of this, my husband is now at a point where he has said that he is done attempting to reach out.  I normally would try to gingerly push him to keep sending I love you's every now and then just so his son knows he's there, but there has been so much hurt once again in the past month alone, that I can't really blame him.  Perhaps it's time to disassociate from him for my husband's own well being?