Broken Toes

[jishojisho]

Frustrated, just terribly awfully frustrated.  She has been naners for years now.  I have asked her to get help for years.  I think she's got multiple things going on, she's hearing PLEASE READing voices.  She's just naners.  I would never recommend this for anyone.  She totalled our car after dramatically throwing her guns off a cliff @3 am.  I am glad the guns are gone, I never liked them.  Never dated anyone with them.  I would have never dated her in the first place, had I not been in a precarious situation.  Typical queer PLEASE READ.

We finally moved somewhere I can physically get a job instead of the middle of nowhere.  When she smashed up the car, I finally got a pair of keys.  I haven't had keys in so long, I cannot tell you.  I haven't had even a taste of freedom in so long, I am like a trained dog.

She got drunk and tried to throw me down stairs.  I hung on by the strength of my soul.  She smashed my feet up, I cannot walk anywhere right now.  I'm a fool, and I have pets and I am staying with the hope of getting them out too.  She doesn't care for them, I have seen it.  Won't even get them water.  I gotta get them outta here.

I have a plan to get a gig, pay off some of these debts she ran up, and gtfo.  It might take a while, but I think I will be "okay" as long as I stay away from her.  I am not sure, but I am planning on how to make the simplest escape plan.  I wish PLEASE READ wasn't so hard, but I will survive.  Or die trying.  I guess.

She's ADHD too, and I read someone say you gotta be co-dependent to be in relationships like these.  I for sure am, I just want my partner happy.  Now?  I know this sounds goofy, but I just want to be left the PLEASE READ alone.  I can't even imagine a relationship with others after this PLEASE READ.  Doesn't help that I have been in one of what I'd consider the least friendly states in AMR.

Sigh, I am so PLEASE READing cooked.  But I can't really do anything right now (I was job hunting and she saw it and I wonder if that's why she's been trying to PLEASE READ me up so badly).  Craziest thing is you know she makes good money.  You know nobody knows a lick of her real self.  When she talks to people this fake ass voice comes out.  PLEASE READ is PLEASE READing naners.  She's a POS.

I am so PLEASE READing tired.  So, so PLEASE READing tired.

[Pook075]

Hello and welcome to the family.  It sounds like you're dealing with serious abuse and it does not sound like you're in a safe environment.  Are there friends or family you can stay with, even temporarily?  What about a local shelter?  Every town has them for this specific circumstance.

You must get out before the violence escalates.

[jishojisho]

Thank you for the kindness.  Catch is shelters won't take my guys, and I already called around.  So I am just going to suck it up.  Besides which, I will be financially ruined if I don't leave with a plan.  So when my toes heal, I am going to try and get a gig at a grocery store and go from there.  If I can save up enough, I will be okay.  I gotta risk it, because I can't start at zero at forty, just don't have the same fortitude as I did when I was younger.

[Pook075]

Thank you for the kindness.  Catch is shelters won't take my guys, and I already called around.  So I am just going to suck it up.  Besides which, I will be financially ruined if I don't leave with a plan.  So when my toes heal, I am going to try and get a gig at a grocery store and go from there.  If I can save up enough, I will be okay.  I gotta risk it, because I can't start at zero at forty, just don't have the same fortitude as I did when I was younger.

Financial ruin versus personal safety- this isn't a tough choice.  I've been financially ruined a few times in my life and it all turned out okay.

Have you considered counseling?  That's also a path to help you deal with what's going on currently while also planning next steps towards independence.  There's also the legal route where he's removed from the home is abuse occurs.  Just know that you have many options, even though it may not feel like it right now.