What does recovery look like?

[dtkm]

After hitting an all time “rock bottom”, my uBPDh has been in DBT therapy for about 6 months. While I have seen changes in him, like knowing when it’s time for him to leave, not making snide remarks, not following me when tensions are high, making it so we have not had a “fight” in months, life is still very hard with him. He is still on relatively the same roller coaster, he still makes remarks to my kids about me having 100 affairs a day, he still treats the kids differently buying “his” kids affection, he still gives me the silent treatment, he still is manipulative with finances…still not contributing to the household/family expenses but his new thing is that he will only eat food he buys and drinks he buys…he stores the food/drinks in his car!  I guess my question is what does “recovery” look like?  As I said, I have seen positive changes, it’s just that I want more, but I don’t know if I am expecting too much! 

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[hiiumaa]

Hi there!

I could imagine, that it is very different from person to person.

I have a friend who is diagnosed with bpd in young age. She was suicidal, extremely manipulative, verbally and bodily abusive to her partner . She has had more than 20 years of therapy. Sometimes you don’t realize, that she is bpd. But sometimes all the old behaviors come back: extreme fear of abandonment, drugs and medication abuse, abusive behavior against her dearest friends. As soon as something really triggers her, she can‘t stop her behavior.

Another woman - the mother of my sons best friend - is also diagnosed with bpd. She went in therapy when she was pregnant because she wanted to protect the child. She is very self-reflective and is able to stop her outburts. The only thing is her extreme chaos in organisation.

My partner with npd/ bpd doesn‘t show any bettering after a year of therapy…