Still Annoyed after 10 months

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm in a much better spot than I was but I still get annoyed and my stomach flips in her presence still.

As I've said, we work at the same hospital. She's been moved to another building for months and months now.

Recently, she's been coming to my building multiple times a week. This is a new change as it had stopped for quite some time.

She has no professional/business reason to come here. No one in here works directly with her on anything. She comes in loud, stomping around, laughing loud, etc. Luckily I keep my door shut, but I hear her walk by and it annoys me as my office is way out of the way.

It's really starting to annoy me. Not sadness. But I always get that nauseous feeling for a bit. I truly cannot comprehend how she is happily coming by given her having punched me, calling cops on me, telling everyone I'M the abusive one, etc. If all of this has happened, and the smear campaign went very dark....why would someone just waltz over here like nothing ever happened at all. I look at it this way: if I had hit her, if I had called the cops on her in her own home, if I were horribly dysregulated.......what would people thing of me walking over to her building all the time with truly zero reason to do so.

Me? I'm the one who was abused, literally. Physical, verbal, emotional, manipulation. And me, I never ever want to see her ever again in my life.

End of venting/rant.

[Me88]

I'm in a much better spot than I was but I still get annoyed and my stomach flips in her presence still.

As I've said, we work at the same hospital. She's been moved to another building for months and months now.

Recently, she's been coming to my building multiple times a week. This is a new change as it had stopped for quite some time.

She has no professional/business reason to come here. No one in here works directly with her on anything. She comes in loud, stomping around, laughing loud, etc. Luckily I keep my door shut, but I hear her walk by and it annoys me as my office is way out of the way.

It's really starting to annoy me. Not sadness. But I always get that nauseous feeling for a bit. I truly cannot comprehend how she is happily coming by given her having punched me, calling cops on me, telling everyone I'M the abusive one, etc. If all of this has happened, and the smear campaign went very dark....why would someone just waltz over here like nothing ever happened at all. I look at it this way: if I had hit her, if I had called the cops on her in her own home, if I were horribly dysregulated.......what would people thing of me walking over to her building all the time with truly zero reason to do so.

Me? I'm the one who was abused, literally. Physical, verbal, emotional, manipulation. And me, I never ever want to see her ever again in my life.

End of venting/rant.

[PeteWitsend]

I'm in a much better spot than I was but I still get annoyed and my stomach flips in her presence still.

As I've said, we work at the same hospital. She's been moved to another building for months and months now.

Recently, she's been coming to my building multiple times a week. This is a new change as it had stopped for quite some time.

She has no professional/business reason to come here. No one in here works directly with her on anything. She comes in loud, stomping around, laughing loud, etc. Luckily I keep my door shut, but I hear her walk by and it annoys me as my office is way out of the way.

It's really starting to annoy me. Not sadness. But I always get that nauseous feeling for a bit. I truly cannot comprehend how she is happily coming by given her having punched me, calling cops on me, telling everyone I'M the abusive one, etc. If all of this has happened, and the smear campaign went very dark....why would someone just waltz over here like nothing ever happened at all. I look at it this way: if I had hit her, if I had called the cops on her in her own home, if I were horribly dysregulated.......what would people thing of me walking over to her building all the time with truly zero reason to do so.

Me? I'm the one who was abused, literally. Physical, verbal, emotional, manipulation. And me, I never ever want to see her ever again in my life.

End of venting/rant.

Careful... she's looking for attention.  Maybe she's attempting a recycle?  But given the history here, and your lack of enthusiasm for that, it could quickly turn ugly if she's fishing for (positive) attention from you and she doesn't get it. 

Does your hospital have like an HR hotline or other resource you can reach out to and express your concern?  It might be a good thing to get on the record first with your concern that she's looking for trouble so that if she does try to engineer an incident, you have that in your defense. 

[Me88]

When everything went to shiit in our relationship (cops, punches, slamming stuff) I ended it immediately and told my immediate supervisor and service chief about everything. They promptly placed her in our joint building literally 10 feet away, but she still came here 10x or more a day to use our microwave/bathrooms even though her building had those as well. She's since been moved halfway across campus and hasn't really ever came by at all. Maybe 3 times in the past 5 months or so. Just now it's been daily. Today she was in here for 17 minutes for zero reason, just walking around. I kept my door shut and music on kind of loud.

I have not once reached out to her. Literally. I blocked her number immediately after she called the cops. My sister who's a cop said I should of gotten a restraining order but I was too emotional at the time and just considered her being elsewhere a win.

I know she has told her supervisor I hit her in which my immediate supervisor said they're not believing that and I also have the crap police report she submitted.

I'm unsure going to HRis good right now. I'm just annoyed and confused. Given everything that's happened, her saying she doesn't feel safe around me, POLICE for asking her to pack a bag and go to her mom's.....why so happy to come by here and continue to put yourself around your 'abuser'. She should hate being in my presence...but this just shows her stories are all BS.

If things escalate, I'll reach out to HR. I just can't risk a possible direct hoooover. I know how she is, she'll cry, ask about 'our' dogs, ask how me and my family are, etc. Gotta stay away and stay strong.

[Under The Bridge]

Definitely looking for some attention, be careful. Maybe in the last 5 months she's had something - or someone -  to occupy her with but now the novelty has worn off and she's trying to regain contact with you?

I'd document every time she comes into the building. with dates and times, then take it all to HR and get them to ask her why she's coming over near you when there's no business reason to do so. You deserve to be left in peace.

[Me88]

I definitely have documentation of all of this. I have 2 good coworkers who always warn me. Not that it's hard since she's always laughing like a hyena and obnoxiously loud and stomps around in her heels.

I think this is what's hindering me a bit. Since day 0 I truly haven't had any free space to myself. Everyday is a possible run in. Everyday, sadly, I give myself a peptalk incase she gets brave and simply says hi or asks how I have been. She knows nothing about my in these last 10 months. I blocked everywhere even work emails and on MS Teams.

I need this federal hiring freeze to end, the government to reopen, and some jobs to open up so I can lateral elsewhere or move up at a different agency.

I'll repeat it, but a big annoyance is if I were to go to her building all the time for zero reason, I know people would look at me sideways. Toooo much has happened between us for this to just wash over. But BPD brains aren't normal.

[Me88]

I also really am unsure she's that dumb. You can't punch someone, tear doors off the rails, call the police on them, verbally abuse them almost daily and think you can just reappear, especially when service chiefs have the information as well. But I'm sure crazier things have happened.

I just feel so uneasy when she's around. I hate that feeling. I feel small and, not scared, but just hypervigilant. Heart races, stomach flips, and I just lose all focus.

[ForeverDad]

If you make a report she might already have an excuse handy, that she was visiting someone else, it was her lunch break and why can't she choose where to eat, etc.  If her desk is across the campus, did she have a work reason to be there?

Sounds like she usually knows how far she can push the limits and how to avoid consequences.

[Me88]

Oh she'll have endless excuses ready. And I'll look petty and like I'm holding onto this issue and seem like I'm the weird one. I know a few times she's come here to talk to one of her coworkers that is somehow in our building still...but again, nothing that can't be done over the phone or on MS Teams.

She's the queen of pushing things just far enough and having enough 'justification' for it. What bugs me is that the service chiefs know how big of a deal this initially was. I had the police report, I was willing to get texts if she escalated, they moved her to like 4 different areas before settling on where she is at now.

I understand none of them know my full situation and probably imagine 10 months has gone by so I need to 'get over it'. But no, some things are not forgivable. I know I was getting arrested that night if I didn't leave. My life would have been very different. I feel sick when I'm around her, actually sick, even if just hearing her voice.

And her social mask is A+. Cute petite blonde hair blue eyed woman who is the nicest person ever, baking things for the office, etc. They don't know the demon away from this place.

[PeteWitsend]

Oh she'll have endless excuses ready. And I'll look petty and like I'm holding onto this issue and seem like I'm the weird one. I know a few times she's come here to talk to one of her coworkers that is somehow in our building still...but again, nothing that can't be done over the phone or on MS Teams.

She's the queen of pushing things just far enough and having enough 'justification' for it. What bugs me is that the service chiefs know how big of a deal this initially was. I had the police report, I was willing to get texts if she escalated, they moved her to like 4 different areas before settling on where she is at now.

I understand none of them know my full situation and probably imagine 10 months has gone by so I need to 'get over it'. But no, some things are not forgivable. I know I was getting arrested that night if I didn't leave. My life would have been very different. I feel sick when I'm around her, actually sick, even if just hearing her voice.

And her social mask is A+. Cute petite blonde hair blue eyed woman who is the nicest person ever, baking things for the office, etc. They don't know the demon away from this place.

You know your situation best, and therefore if you think it's too much to send an email to HR, that's your decision.  I think if you write and frame it carefully, it could be beneficial and avoid getting you hit with a stigma of being a complainer, or being the one with the problem. 

I would seriously consider sending something though - as factual as possible.  you'll kick yourself if this does blow up and you didn't do anything that could've prevented it.  remember: you're not trying to get her in trouble, and you're not trying to provoke an incident, she's the one doing that.  You're trying to prevent any escalation. 

If she is really coming in the area every day, and behaving loudly like that, you should know what's coming though.  I had some interactions with BPDxw that were completely cordial, and she later sent emails through our court-ordered communication platform that I had "behaved aggressively" toward her. 

Were there any formal workplace arrangements put in place after the earlier blow up and your transfer?  If she has violated any objective rules around contact or not, I would absolutely send that out.  And always word any communications to try to ensure the HR flacks that have to deal with it understand that she's the one causing the issue and making this a problem, not you. 

And her social mask is A+. Cute petite blonde hair blue eyed woman who is the nicest person ever, baking things for the office, etc. They don't know the demon away from this place.

Eh... you'd be surprised how many people see through that kinda stuff.  And if they have had relationships with someone toxic like that, understand on some level that the A+ social mask is a red flag in and of itself.  Unless they're actually confronted by the pwBPD for something, 99% of them will not say anything though because they simply don't want to get involved.  And you can't really blame them; it's not in anyone's best interest to take on a pwBPD.  Like the saying goes, you wrestle in the mud with a pig, you only get dirty and the pig enjoys it. 

In my case, BPDxw was the same way.  But she would always wear out her welcome sooner than later, and withdraw, or move, or drop out. 

[Me88]

That's the hard part. I was all in on going to HR. That whole ending was extremely chaotic and I was ready to defend myself 100%. My boss does not like going to HR for anything, and it really is a months long thing here. Investigations, interviews, evidence, etc. It would have been bad. It was more of an agreement with all parties; me, my bosses, her and her boss. Everyone was ok with moving her around. She sort of disappeared for months, and yes now it's a daily thing. Just weird for my brain to comprehend, but everyone knows I actively avoid her.

I hope people see through it. My closest coworker said he never liked her, said she looked sneaky, scheming and fake.

I just really want this to just fade away. I'm absolutely applying for other supervisory jobs once the hiring freeze is up.

[TelHill]

I'm really sorry about this. I've kept my iPhone in my hand when I suspected someone was going to start something. The video has a time limit depending on the storage. I've used the VoiceRecord app (iPhone) to record for a few hours. There's no expectation of privacy at work so I believe it's legal. If not, at least you have proof.

People tend to back off if they see a phone practically glued to your hand if they're planning to bother you. Doing this has helped me shake people off. If this person follows you, go to the bathroom. Am assuming you're a guy and your stalker ex is a woman.

Try to avoid this person as much as possible. Try to see what times they're walking by and if you can see a pattern.  BPD tend to think they're smarter than you and don't know or notice their movements.Lastly, don't talk about it with coworkers anymore. She might overhear people talking about her. You never know what she has planned. They are better than causing trouble than we can ever be.

Should this unfortunate person go off the rails, you'll have video/audio proof of her antics.

Good luck in getting her out of your area!

[Me88]

I wouldn't even use the term 'stalker'. It's such vague behavior. Nothing overt. Seemingly innocent to any and everyone around here for the most part. Just given all the stuff she's said, it's so weird she wants to be anywhere near her 'abuser'. And I'll definitely have the phone handy. Take a page out of her book, any time I'd react to her hours long screaming...out came the phone and the 'you're scaring me what's wrong with you?' (insert false tears too). Insanity.

[Me88]

and it wouldn't be AS bad if I were somewhere larger, but our office building is quite small and a ways away from her. Only 8 offices in this building so everything is very obvious.