My son is scaring me by saying every one should be afraid of him

[wannabeamomma]

Today my 29 yo son truly terrified me. He “forgave me” about a year ago for all of the abuse and neglect I supposedly imposed on him although all of my friends and family that knew him through childhood assure me that I was a good mother to him. And I know in my heart that I was a good mother to him.
Even though he “forgave me” he was no contact until recently because he needed help with his bills and for me to once again co sign on his apartment lease. Which I did because I am concerned about his ability to deal with his financial issues. He was doing well in his personal training business but apparently that is not going well probably because of his anger issues. He openly admits that he doesn’t care what anyone thinks anymore and is going to call out anyone he thinks has a problem.
He claims he has found God. He called about a month ago to tell me that he doesn’t want me to go to hell and that I need to read the Bible. The phone calls since then are about whether I am reading the Bible. I do and even sent him an extra application study bible I had.
Today he called to ask if I was reading the Bible. Then he told me that he is angry because I supposedly cared more about money than God. He is also angry that I supposedly didn’t live a life or focus his life on God.
Then he told me that everyone should be scared. I asked him who should be scared and why. He said everyone because if he wasn’t trying to follow God he would seek revenge and kill everyone who deserved it. He actually said he could have been a school shooter and he wants to kill everyone who has hurt him. I’m terrified that he will break and hurt someone. He hates his father so he would be the first target I think.
I told him that I he needs to stop judging and all the negative and hateful thoughts and to call me back when he was ready when he isn’t so angry. He texted right after and said he was sorry he is so angry. My husband his stepfather is so upset and I am lost. It breaks my heart because I know he is mentally unwell but I can’t fix him.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi wannabeamom
I have read your post several times and I have to say that I think you have good reason to be concerned. The blaming/anger etc can be pretty tough and still in the range of BPD symptom intensity.

However, the things that he is saying about God and ho w he feels – his intense anger and bringing up shootings etc could indicate that he is on the verge of psychosis.

Is ds a marijuana user and has he had a mental health diagnosis in the past? Is he on any medication?

It is great that you co-signed, and you really seem to be handling things very, very well indeed!

I am sitting here thinking ‘ what on earth  would I do in these circumstances?’ The options are pretty limited because until something happens it is difficult to get intervention.

I am wondering if you have text messages that express the things you have been saying here? I am thinking that being able to show someone the kinds of things that are being said could be really helpful – rather than just hearing it from you – something in writing is stronger evidence.

Who to how? Does ds have a regular GP? If so I think I would find a way to let him/her know. If not, I think I would let my GP know – and perhaps try to talk to a mental health professional to find out what things you can look for that would show things are escalating in his deterioration.

You may have thought of these things – and they are not appropriate in the circumstances – or you might have tried them. It is like walking a tightrope to be in this situation. On the one hand, it is really important that he is able to talk to you – even if it is to berate you – so that you have the opportunity to assess whether things are steady or not. On the other hand, an attempt to involve others could lead to ds cutting off from you, and the opportunity for someone to be monitoring will have been lost.

I have been rambling on a bit, so sorry about that. I do feel though that you have a right to be concerned and it is a really difficult thing to know how to monitor or move forward in this situation.

Sending thoughts . . .

[CC43]

Hi mom,

That indeed sounds scary, and you must be worried sick. I bet your son is projecting a lot of his feelings of anger and self-hatred onto others. His concern about you going to hell could reflect his feelings about his own lack of self-worth. He seems to be really angry at the world, maybe because he’s struggling to find his way in it. He wants to punish others in a misguided attempt to express his frustrations and grievances with the world.

I agree with Sancho that it sounds like your son might be showing signs of paranoia and delusions. My BPD stepdaughter went through a phase like that, accusing others of being « out to get » her, and displaying temporary breaks with reality when her rage was spiraling out of control. This coincided with a period of regular marijuana use and a breakdown in life routines. We were scared for her and of her too. Fortunately, she got help, quit marijuana use and turned her life around. Though she still struggles, we are not afraid for her and of her anymore. Her life looks a whole lot better right now, even if she’s avoiding us at the moment.

I’m not sure what to advise because your son needs to be the one to decide to get help. For as long as he’s blaming you for his problems, he thinks you’re the one who needs to change, not him. He’s basically telling you that, by saying you need to change or you’ll go to hell.

[Notwendy]

I understand your fear. It's around the 20's where schitzophrenia begins to appear in men. There can be paranoia and distorted thinking in BPD too but it's more extreme, with hallucinations, in schizophrenia. It's not possible to tell from a post but it came to mind with the intense religiosity and what he is saying and if this is a change in him, something to keep in mind.

I don't know if you can get him to be evaluated voluntarily but if he says he's going to harm someone, I think he can be involuntarily held if sent to the ER, if someone is a danger to themselves or others.

Unlike BPD, people with schitzophrenia are not able to "pull it together" in public. If held for a while, and evaluated, I think it would be more apparent than BPD.

This is not your fault. It's not anything you did or didn't do as a mother.

Keep this in mind if this continues.

[ForeverDad]

Jesus' teachings were the foundation for Christianity.  It is all about love and peace, putting hatred outside.  That your son should be focusing on hurtful concepts foreign to those precepts is concerning.  There is only one instance I recall from the Bible where a follower of Jesus did harm to another.  It was the impetuous Apostle Peter who came to the defense of Jesus on the night before his death.  Recorded in every Gospel (Matthew 26, Mark 14, Luke 22, John 18) only Luke records that Jesus "touched the ear and healed" the slave of the high priest.  So even that injury was immediately undone.  Jesus' entire ministry was totally devoted to positive and upbuilding qualities, vengeance was to be left fully in God's hands, not to Christians.

While nothing may come of this, still it would be wise to be alert in the future.  One of the observations often applied to threats of DV is this, "If it has been threatened or even just contemplated, it will happen, given enough time and opportunity."

I strongly believe your son should not own or even have access to firearms, whether legally or illegally, based on his recent ideations.