Don’t know whether to keep this from her…

[thankful person]

Hi all,

Bit of a strange one but here goes… So, since my Dad passed away in June this year, there have been many “coincidences”, which I feel are too bizarre to be just chance, which are feeling very much like Dad is still with me.

Of course, my dbpdw doesn’t like this, funny how she manages to somehow keep me from my living family but she can’t stop these things happening. Incidentally she does believe, and also believes Dad has sent her a couple of signs too.

Recently I was discussing an incident with my Mum via text. I hadn’t got around to telling w about it when she happened to pick up my phone and read the message I’d sent Mum, which she promptly deleted but didn’t mention it to me so I never bothered discussing it with her.

A couple of weeks later I told her I’d been making notes of all these things and then asked if she’d be interested to read them. She was like, “Why didn’t you tell me you were doing that?” I was like, “well I only started it yesterday… I’m telling you now.” Anyway, she never said she wanted it so I didn’t send it to her to read.

I’ve been sharing these coincidences with some trusted work friends. On Monday, I was playing my electric keyboard for the two year olds at work. They were “joining in” as in pressing all the keys and buttons whilst I played. Next thing I know, my Dad’s funeral song is playing through the keyboard. The kids would have had to press four buttons: “song” “1” “0” “2”. I didn’t even know that song was playable through that keyboard, though on reflection I remembered that actually my Dad had bought that keyboard for my Mum after asking my advice, and she later gave it to me. Anyway I shared what was happening with my work friends at that time. They could see how emotional I was and that I hadn’t put it on as I was playing another song at the time.

I have not told dbpdw about this. I actually haven’t told my Mum either because I feel I should tell w first. If I do tell w I’ll have to be slightly deceptive because I would have to pretend I was telling her at the first possible opportunity and she would still be jealous that my work friends got to be there for that. One of my friends was taking pictures at the time for work purposes, and there are even pictures of my reaction.

Should I tell dbpdw? I’m curious to hear people’s thoughts. Btw if anyone doesn’t think I’m totally crazy I’d love to discuss this topic in more detail so please message me as I clearly can’t talk to my wife much about it.

In other news, w is still at college after the first half of term. I have noticed some successful detachment from codependency… I mean… I know I still have a way to go. But I have noticed that I am supporting her and doing all I can to help with her homework and the logistics of getting to college etc. But I have no attachment at all to her staying on this course. I will be very sad for her if she drops out, especially as it’s such a challenge with our four young children. But my usual aggressive attitude “fine, drop out… again… suffer the consequences…” is gone. My doormat attitude “I’ll do everything I can as in do your work with you even when you’re treating me badly” is gone. Any disappointment in her… gone. I’m left with quiet acceptance of whatever happens. I am proud of her but I won’t be hurt or feel let down if she doesn’t make it. It’s going to be hard if she drops out because she will be very difficult to live with but that’s ok I hope I can handle it. I really want this for her but I’m ok with whatever happens.

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[Rowdy]

My dad passed away, nearly 9 years ago. My wife was quite close to my dad, he and her own father are possibly the only two people I have never heard her say a bad word about.

On his death bed, my wife called in to see him, two days before he passed. He asked her to look after me and make sure I was ok, which she promised him she would do.

Fast forward to June last year. We had split up about 6 months previously. I’d asked my wife to stop buying drugs from her friends ex husband, but instead she left me for him.

One day my wife asked me to transfer some money to her account (the internet was coming out of her account and she was taking it back out of my account) because she needed to pay her rent. I know her rent wasn’t due for a fortnight, but owed her it so just said yeh take it out of the account. She had promised me she had stopped taking drugs, but admitted a few weeks before this that she had done it once with her boyfriend.

That evening I drove to a local shop to get some milk, about 9pm. As I left the shop I came to a junction. Now, I’d never done this before, but I looked up in the sky and said “dad what is she playing at, she promised you. Give me a sign”

I pulled out the junction and drove a few hundred yards down the road, and the very next car that drove past me was her, and her boyfriend.

I pulled up outside my house, but just had an overwhelming feeling come over me. I turned round and drove back to the village I had just come from. I know where another guy lives that my wife was buying drugs from, so drove straight round there to find my wife just pulling away.

The only other time, years ago, my mum started seeing this guy that is married. She used to talk about him, even brought him round my house. I hardly ever remember any of my dreams, if I do I know they aren’t real. I woke up really early one morning, after having what I can only describe felt like a visitation from my dad, warning me to be wary of the man my mum had started seeing. It felt so so real and I’ve never experienced anything like it since. I’d experienced something similar a few years before, different situation but same feeling of reality. I’ve only ever experienced that twice in my 50 years on this earth.

Shortly after that my mum stopped speaking about the man she is seeing.

[thankful person]

Thanks for sharing that Rowdy,

Actually my Dad had his own battles with mental health and it always seemed my wife and him had an understanding, though he had Parkinson’s disease so it was hard for him to express himself and talk in those later years.

I have thought about this and decided I am not going to tell her about the incident with the keyboard. For a start, I kind of already didn’t tell her as it happened last week and I would have to lie about when it was anyway because she’d be angry or hurt or whatever that I didn’t tell her immediately. But also… it felt like my Dad’s song came on to prove to my work friends that I wasn’t making this stuff up. If that was my Dad then he made a choice to make this a moment I shared with my work friends and not my wife. So given her recent attitude I don’t see the need to tell her. I think the only thing that might change my mind is if I ring her from work and she’s in a really good mood… which would be very unlikely