I met a girl

[boya]

Hello!
I met a girl, 2 month ago. She got Bpd and Bipolar 2 i think. Our relationship was slowly building and improving. I enjoyed every minute with her. I did some wrong thing, nothing big but it activated one of her trauma. I said sorry etc she said she isnt angry.Her bipolar got a long depressed pahase and started to get into hypnomania.But 2 days ago she got a split and devalute on me she shaid: she tought first im a bf material but im not, i lost her trust her heart, she cant build relationship with me etc. After this we didn't talked for 5 hour. Now i texting her not often like goodnight, goodmornint i hope you okay but not spamming her. She just seen or put a white hearth on my text. But she didnt do anything to close this between us like: stop texting me or block me. What she want and how long is it take? Im doing good or what i need to do?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rowdy]

Hi. Is she diagnosed bpd?

What she want and how long will it take is an impossible question for us to answer. If she has bpd then her emotional thinking isn’t the same as a healthy persons, love and logic don’t really go hand in hand at the best of times, let alone with someone that is as dysregulated as a pwBPD.

What you need to do? You need to work out if a relationship with someone that has bpd is a relationship you really want. You met her only 2 months ago, which in the grand scheme of things is very little time, and what she has shown you is a behaviour pattern that will likely repeat through any relationship you have with her.

As it has only been a short period since the relationship started, what you have experienced thus far is the ‘honeymoon’ period of a relationship, where your dopamine levels are elevated and your judgement of her and the relationship are clouded. This is where the saying love is blind comes from, because you are blind to any red flags or unsavoury behaviour traits the person you are romantically involved with may have.

Are you doing good? Well, if you are not harassing or pressuring her into a relationship then yes, that is the best thing to do. If she has decided that she doesn’t want a relationship with you, no amount of begging and pleading will make her turn around and so oh ok then, if anything it is likely to push her further away We aren’t capable of making people feel things we want them to feel, even less so a pwBPD.. All you can do is nothing. Give her the breakup, if that is what she wants. I would even go as far as saying I would stop contacting her together. It’s difficult, it does seem counter productive, but from experience the relationships I’ve had where I have been broken up with, stopping contact has lead to a romantic partner reaching out. Can take weeks, months, years even and there is no guarantee but generally if you chase they will run away.

[boya]

She isnt diagnosed but show a lot of signs of Quet bpd. Rn she is very cold and distant with me, she just seen my text or put a white hearth on it. I sent her a text to thank for the past 2 month idk what to do or what is it. I want it to work out. We are not together rn, we just talked met etc but idk why she doing this rn. I didnt wanted to hurt her

[boya]

but she put white hearth on all my txt. it doesnt mean she wants to close it between us. if she really want to close she say dont txt me or block me but she didnt do it. or maybe i just overthink

[Rowdy]

Right now you will be overthinking. It’s a natural process someone goes through when they have been broken up with.

You will be trying to make sense of what is essentially nonsense. All your instincts are telling you to beg and plead, to reach out. What would I do? I would try and not contact her and see if she reaches out.

My own relationship with my wife lasted 27 years. There were red flags which I ignored. There was behaviour from my wife that I forgave, or just let slide that I shouldn’t have. She is also undiagnosed but the traits she displays are so very similar to bpd that if she hasn’t got it, her behaviour is more calculated and toxic than that.

The relationship I had before my marriage, I’d spent a long time wishing to get back with her after that ended, was about an 18 month relationship. This was back in the day before cell phones so going ‘no contact’ in that respect was easy. After maybe a year she was writing me letters, trying to get back with me. The relationship I had when my marriage ended, only lasted a couple of months. I spent maybe a month or so with messages going back and forth. No begging or pleading, no asking for closure, just friendly messaging. I let this tail off and did not contact. Every 6 months or so after, up until 18 months after the relationship had  ended, I would get a message from her reaching out, suggesting we meet up again, but by that point I had moved on.

I know it’s difficult. A relationship with a pwBPD is unlike any other. The highs a very high, and the lows a very low. That is why many people say the relationship is like being on a rollercoaster. The dopamine rush being like the adrenaline rush that rollercoaster ride gives you is what makes you addicted to the relationship, which then leads to the trauma bond.

The highs are great, but the lows become very wearing over time. You seriously need to try and look at the relationship from outside the box. Journal. Write down the things good and bad about the relationship.

Two months really is not a long time when it comes to a relationship. It can feel like a longer length of time with a pwBPD, but I’m sure you have read accounts on here about how you can expect the relationship to go, and if you are prepared, if she does change her mind, to strap yourself in for the ride.