Frustrated and feel alone

[Kronky]

Hello everyone,
I have been in a relationship with someone with BPD for 3 years. He was officially diagnosed 1.5 years ago. I am older than him, by 18 years and lately I feel more like a parent than a partner. So much of my life is revolving around him and making sure that he gets the help he needs. He is very open for support and will do any treatment that I find for him, however I then get the brunt of his frustration. I have been doing a lot more research on the condition and trying my best to help. He is having a crisis right now and I know that I am not at fault, I know I can’t fix him or control how he feels. I just don’t know how to manage my own mental health. Just looking for advice on how other people handle everything.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Kronky
It does sound as though you are in the parent role in relation to your partner. It is good that he is open to trying things and it is even better that you are able to step back from feeling responsible for his condition or feeling responsible to solve it.

My suggestion is to start with little ‘time-outs’. It’s better to start knowing that you can keep taking that time. The idea of a time out from bpd is more about mental space – your mind is not on the person with bpd for a set period of time. Many years ago I was so anxious about my DD that I felt like I as falling apart.

Then I came up with the idea that I would set aside a time each day that I would think about DD. That helped a lot. Then I started to put timeouts in regular spots. I am not sure if this is making sense.

The emotional intensity of bpd is huge, and I found myself totally absorbed in thinking about it all. My timeouts were a great start for me becoming freer mentally and still supporting my DD but not mentally submerged in the chaos.