Why would she be trying so hard to protect me?

[Shedd]

I just don't understand why she hasn't found a replacement for me yet? I mean, when we broke things off she told me she was confused about wanting to be with other people.  I would have thought that she would move on right away.   She told me she wasn't even sure if she could be in a relationship. 

In the end of our relationship I told her I wish she hadn't gotten into the relationship so fast if she clearly thinks about other people all the time.  I wonder if she is actually listening to me and doing that for someone else.

There have been a few signs she might be in a relationship with someone, but I think I'm just overthinking things.  I keep asking people if they know if she is in one and they say they don't.  This is going to sound creepy but I am so curious who she is dating that I looked in her car window for clues.  I saw her straightener in her car.  Why else would she have a straightener unless she was staying over at someone else's place? It's just kind of weird that she is keeping it a secret from everyone.  Is she trying to protect me?

There are also signs of her trying to protect me just with her blocking me on every social media known to man and her phone number.  She got rid of FB completely, when she is with friends she doesn't get in photos or they don't post photos with her in them. I know because I was friends with one of them and she would be mentioned they are hanging out with pictures but her not it it.  I unfriended this person because I don't want to see that anymore.  The other week I decided to check up on this friends fb and sure enough my ex gfs picture was up with her on her wall.  Did she only agree to be on a picture because I am no longer friends with her?

So my question is... .Is she trying to protect me? Why would she do this?

Idk, it's just really weird it's always been like she is trying to protect me from her even during the relationship.

[bus boy]

Hi Shedd, the whole experience of a r/s with a personality disordered person has a negative impact on us nons and when they discard us it is devistating. We go through the healing process, work through mountains of pain, emotionally detach, grow mentally and spiritually. Maybe you should protect yourself. We must go NC in order to achieve our goals in recovering from a BPD/NPD. Checking up on what your ex partner is doing is only holding you back. It's like the drunken horse thief who went to AA, he got sober but he is still stealing horses. Nothing changed. When the BPD/NPD is gone from our life we must change thinking and living patterns or we stay stuck, we continue to steal horses. My Xw moved on. I thought I was going to die when I heard she had a replacement but I pushed my self harder to over come. I have never driven by her house, I absolutely never ask s10 anything about mommy and her BF. What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel. Do your self a big favour, protect number one, you. Detach and move on.

[Rayban]

I agree with busboy. If you truly want to detach, then protect yourself and stay away from social media, and stop trying to figure out what she's up to,  and who she might or might not be seeing.

Eventually it will get back to her that you've been asking about her, and she'll make you out to be a stalker.  You don't need that.

[FSTL]

I have had countless break ups and reunions with mine... .embarrassed as I am to say that out loud.

Mine never disclosed that she had other guys, but she did have other guys, so I wouldn't assume she isn't seeing someone else.

With mine, she was (until the most recent replacement) keen to downplay what was going on with the other guy. Some of it seemed to be her not wanting to admit she was relying upon someone else, some of it was her leaving open the door for me and some of it may have been her having an information advantage over me (which can be a high for some people). Even with the replacement, she still wanted to jump back into bed with me after telling me how important he was to her... .words v actions... .

But as others have said - why spend any time focusing on that, rather than yourself?

[GlennT]

Since you work in the same place, and since the disorder is primarily narcissistic, I would bet she is protecting herself first from any scandal. Most people with BPD want social approval very much. I think it is your co-workers who are protecting your feelings by saying they don't know anything, because you sound like a nice person who should not be worrying about her cheating, who has been getting bad migraines about it. I hope they are better. Please take care of yourself!

[Shedd]

I have been doing a lot better these days. My migraines seem to be getting weaker and weaker.  I understand your concerns for me it is greatly appreciated.  Part of the problem is I live such a boring life.  I don't have much going for me.  I get easily bored.   I have social anxiety so I'm not always out with friends or want to hang out with them.  I live a really quiet life.  She filled my life with so much noise and excitement that it's been hard to let go.  I can tell how strong of a heart I have. 

I am pretty sure it's her that's protecting me and not my coworkers.  One of my coworkers would for sure tell me.   I think I just need to know so i can know she's happy and finally detach myself. 

I think she already tells people what a "bad" person I am at work. And I'm fine with that because those people that she tells that to are not people I want to be associated with at all.  I'm sure she tells them it's my fault too she got a DUI I probably drive her to drink and also get anorexia.  That doesn't bother me because she could still have me any time she wants and she chooses not to.  it doesn't burden me at all.

[Rayban]

I'm a little confused as to what she is supposed to be protecting you from?

Also what would her being with somone else change for you.  Do you expect her to remain single  ... .forever?

The more you snoop, the more you're likely to be dissapointed and cause yourself more pain. You have to decide on what you want. If truly wanting to detach you have to at least help yourself to make that happen.  Otherwise you'll spend and waste your life waiting for her to decide to come back to you.
 

[Shedd]

I know I'm not completely over her yet.  I've been trying to find a new job because working with her is the most painful thing.  To clearly see that she doesn't miss me or want to talk to me and purposefully make me feel crappy by flirting with other people around me.   

I've never been in a relationship before so this break up is so hard because I've never loved anyone more than her.   

I don't know why she would be protecting me.  I know she cares about me a lot which is why she broke up with me in the first place because she didn't want to hurt me.   So idk I know my path is unhealthy.  I just need to take that further step to leave my job.

The only problem is no one has hired me yet. I'm terrible at interviews and if I have to take any assessments I am not very good either. The only way to get out is to transfer it seems.  I just hope I can get the same hours.  I have a couple vacations coming up so I am going to wait to find a new job after that. So it won't be until June.

She is still driving me crazy just being in my presence. I miss her so much.