16 years later!

[cupidsdead]

Hello everyone. I’ll keep it simple and to the point.

I was married to someone with bpd. Tried to save our marriage many times but was unsuccessful to say the least. She had issues with substance abuse, cutting, suicidal tendencies. She left me in 2009 for her drug pusher ( basically.) She would come back to me every now and then, but would always go back with her new guy.

After 5 years of trying to «  save » her, I finally agreed to let her go.

I started dating ( took some courage) and prayed real hard to find a good woman. Thank God, I actually did! In 2020. Married her in 2022. I have a wonderful woman who is a blessing to me.

My advice to you guys who are trying to save your spouse….you cannot save them. Only God can and only THEY can decide to go get the help they need. For those of you who do believe in God ( and even those who may not ) trust God for strength, wisdom and good judgement. Keep moving forward and don’t give up. It WILL get better! 



I promise you, it will get better

[Under The Bridge]

Good to see you've now found happiness.

Time is indeed a great healer; it lets you see things more objectively and dulls the rose-coloured glasses we all look through when the final breakup happens.  We see 'the whole picture' as if from a distannce and we end up thinking 'How the hell could I have put up with that for so long??'.  A BPD relationship is probably the most intense relationship we'll ever go through so impossible to just forget quickly and move on with life.. ironically, only the BPD person seems able to do that!

It is truly wonderful to be in a relationship where you're not constantly on guard about everything and wondering when the next blow-up happens. Long may your happy marriage continue.

[Rowdy]

Hello everyone. I’ll keep it simple and to the point.

I was married to someone with bpd. Tried to save our marriage many times but was unsuccessful to say the least. She had issues with substance abuse, cutting, suicidal tendencies. She left me in 2009 for her drug pusher ( basically.) She would come back to me every now and then, but would always go back with her new guy.

After 5 years of trying to «  save » her, I finally agreed to let her go.

I started dating ( took some courage) and prayed real hard to find a good woman. Thank God, I actually did! In 2020. Married her in 2022. I have a wonderful woman who is a blessing to me.

My advice to you guys who are trying to save your spouse….you cannot save them. Only God can and only THEY can decide to go get the help they need. For those of you who do believe in God ( and even those who may not ) trust God for strength, wisdom and good judgement. Keep moving forward and don’t give up. It WILL get better! 



I promise you, it will get better

More or less exactly the same story here.
My wife also suffered from drug addiction and alcohol abuse, and she too left me for the guy pushing drugs on her. Spent a year with the back and forth, leading me on only to go back to him, would deny she was still on drugs, would even try and deny the fact he was selling her drugs every week for 3 years even though she was taking money out of my wallet for it!

More recent than you thought, we split up late 2023. I have been in a relationship for the last 9 months with someone else now who has literally as I type this message just sent a text just to say that she is thinking of me. We are both incredibly happy together and it is so nice not to have to deal with the dysregulated sh*t I had to with my wife.

I’m not religious. Just become the person that you always were, the person that your bpd partner more than likely suppressed. Be the happy, confident person knowing what you had become was never your fault, and don’t let your bpd ex define you, and you will find happiness.

[ForeverDad]

My advice to you guys who are trying to save your spouse….you cannot save them. Only God can and only THEY can decide to go get the help they need. For those of you who do believe in God ( and even those who may not ) trust God for strength, wisdom and good judgement. Keep moving forward and don’t give up. It WILL get better!

There's a saying that's been mentioned here, "Let Go and Let God".  There are some relationships that overwhelm us.  Often it's that our personality traits lend us to strive to be Good Guys or Nice Gals.  We find it near impossible to resist "helping" or rescuing or complying or appeasing or caught off guard again and again.

So with it being so hard to make an objective and healthy decision, the practical outcome can be to set intractable distressing problems on a Higher Power's shoulder.  It is difficult to work at a task with an uneven yoke.  (A wise man once said, "Come to me, all you who are toiling and loaded down, and I will refresh you." - Matt 11:28-30)  If we can't resolve the distressing dysfunction, hand the distress off.

Recovery takes time.  Give it time.  After all, recovery is a process, not an event.

If only we had an encouraging Successful Outcomes board, this post would be there!