We've been together for almost two years. I think my husband has BPD (not officially diagnosed, but all the symptoms match except for self-harm). When he has a day off and I'm working, he starts drinking uncontrollably. Because he's alone and he's feeling unwell. When I come home in the evening, he demands sex nonstop, and nothing happens. If I say I don't want to or can't for various reasons, he insults me with harsh words and makes me cry. He doesn't listen to any arguments. I'm so tired of this. He has no friends, no acquaintances. Everyone has "dumped" him. He's endlessly jealous for no reason, trying to drive me crazy "so I don't leave for another man." Is there any way to stop this? I can't sleep normally for 3-4 days.
Hi AliceAla. Welcome to the forum.
You said that he drinks because he's alone and feeling unwell. Are you sure it's just that?
Has it already crossed your mind that he might be unsure if you are really working and might think that you could be cheating on him instead? In such a case, your lack of interest in sex could fuel his paranoid thoughts. It may not make sense for you, but that's how men function after they cheat. They get home without any disposition for sex.
Also, your last sentence seems alarming. Did you just say that his behavior frightens you and that causes you insomnia for 3-4 days?
In any case, have you considered couples therapy? That may not work well if he really has BPD but it might be a start, before he does his own treatment.
