My 34 year old daughter with BPD has cut me and my husband off babysitting our grandchildren 3 times now because of perceived wrongs that she thinks we have perpetrated on her. The kids absolutely love their time with us and we love to be with them. They are only 4 and 2. Anyone else experience this?
Unfortunately, it is common and kids/grandkids are used for manipulation often with BPDs. It ultimately hurts everyone involved.
The goal here is to change your relationship with your daughter with loving yet clear boundaries. It is a process and things may get worse before they get better. However, as a parent you never stop teaching right from wrong.
Apologize for any hurt feelings and repeatedly show that you're on your kid's side. Let her know you're an advocate, not an enemy. But at the same time, don't take abusive behavior or demands for money/help if they're unreasonable. While it feels loving to help, it can lead to enabling just as easily. That's a line you have to draw in the sand between the two and again, it's so easy to get wrong.
For the short term, maybe that means not seeing the grandkids and that's terrible. For the long-term though, you have to deal with your daughter head-on and take whatever temporary consequences she creates.
