Daughter is high functioning, but has so much anger.

[Junie B.]

It is hard to put myself out there and discuss my daughter. She is 26 and high functioning. However, she has many anxieties related to appearance (clothing, skin, weight, etc.). My son and son-in-law are doctors and covered psych health during med school. They both realized she has BPD when studying the psychology section of school. I had thought so before, but she would and will not acknowledge it. It is always the fault of someone else. She has had relationship problems with friends, family members, and boyfriends since she was young. She can be pleasant, but can go off the rails at any minute. She feels like she is valued less than her siblings, although she is intelligent and successful. Three years ago, this older guy (6 years older) decided she was going to be his girlfriend and he would "fix" her. She was on some meds and I wanted to get her the proper counseling. However, he came "to her rescue." He has no education or training in any field. However, he has convinced her he "supports" her, even though we continue to pay for her expenses such as rent, tuition, health ins., etc. I noticed right away he has a victim mentality and that that other members of his family get preferential treatment. She never accused us of anything like that before. However, now she is also a major victim. I know he didn't cause the BPD, but I can't convince her to get any help as he is there to "fix" it. She lives with him on the weekends and has expressed her doubts about marrying him. She has been engaged for nearly three years and won't set a date. We have just went through a rough time and she wants no contact with her siblings (a brother and a sister) anymore. I think that is pretty common to be isolated from family when with a groomer. However, she is also guilty as she makes him "do things" for her constantly. She almost can't be away from him, but she attends graduate school and he can't always go be with her. My husband doesn't want to be around her fiancee because he displays no ambition and has grandiose thoughts of himself. I have tolerated it, but am just tired of the situation. Has anyone had a similar situation? I have spoken with a therapist about this in the past. I guess I need to continue.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi and welcome.
While there is nothing much you can do about your daughter's relationship, you can get help for yourself.  Coming here is a good first step.  Continuing in therapy will help ,especially with establishing boundaries with her.  Does she live with you during g the week?