Does it sound like BPD?

[nancyjade]

Met a girl from US (40) five months ago (I'm UK 45), things escalated fast, talking til 3am on phone, connection very strong. Things went great, I love yous, letters and cards and lots of gifts, suggested loads of changes to my house which I made, foreign holiday for four nights and had great time. All until she had week's holiday in Italy with a friend - we were generally in touch lots and warm but she said a couple of unpleasant things towards the end, not deliberately but still unpleasant. When she got back she expected we'd pick up where we left off, but I was put out by her comments and I don't immediately warm back up after a while apart. She wanted several long holidays with friends, I worried how our relationship would work if that was the case. She said she'd find a solution as she wanted us to work, but as time went on it changed to "you have to accept it". We had a few little arguments, what I'd consider normal a couple of months into a relationship, all sorted quickly. She had another holiday and before this she wasn't keeping in touch much the days we were apart. On the night before she went I raised this, we had a decent chat and moved on. As the night went on she had a couple of beers and went back to the chat about keeping in touch and got really mad, blaming me for ruining our last night and trying to spoil her holiday, which was the last thing on my mind. We kept in touch on the holiday, I was distant as she'd said nasty things during the fight. Towards end of the holiday we were talking excitedly about meeting on her return, up to the morning of that day. She messaged proposing dinner, I made alternative suggestion, she went mad saying she didn't want to debate it and just wanted to go home and go to bed. We ended up not meeting, I sent a few frustrated messages about the way the day had went. The spat continued the next morning, she said we should split. I was shocked given how good things had been mostly, I called and asked if she was sure. She said no she was just not happy with our conversation. Anyway we talked through it and agreed a way forward. We had one more spat where she lost her head as she was showing me an exercise I couldn't pick up. She furiously swore at me, I told her she couldn't speak to me like that and I went to leave, we tried to talk it out but she wouldn't back down so I left. We then had a weekend away which went really well, she has a third holiday where we kept in touch well and remained affectionate, things seemed as good as ever. We had a weekend away in the UK which went great up but when we were driving back, she was tired and not speaking and became cold, and we couldn't get heating warmer. We were going for a massage, as we got nearer I tried to lighten the mood but she was very angry about the cold and blamed me and my "stupid car". I asked if we could have a pleasant chat before the massage and she started arguing again. She did then try and chat but I thought it best to shut up. When we got to the massage I said I didn't really feel like going given we had an unpleasant time, she got angry, we argued, she accused me of "screaming"....I may have raised my voice but no way I screamed. She often made extreme reactions when we argued. We had massages, she said she didn't want to spend night at mine as planned we kissed goodbye and that was it. I didn't say anything as I could see she was very angry and it would escalate. We spoke next night, I asked if she could try and be calmer if I was frustrated and to stop negative comments about the car. She agreed, but said I'd overreacted too. I agreed and apologised. Next day there's little chat, she goes mad I posted our pics as they weren't the type of her she liked (she literally suggested them all), and it had gone on Instagram which she did not want to be on. I deleted. She then said she was tired and grumpy and didn't want to speak. I rang a couple of times as I felt we needed to nip the argument from the weekend in the bud and get back to nice times, it'd been pretty perfect for about a month. She didn't answer. I now wonder if she was actually out with a friend or maybe someone new. She sent one message on Wednesday when she was off work saying she's call late on as she was spending the day with a female work colleague.. She rang and said it wasn't working for her any more. We had a polite chat on text just making sure it wasn't heat of the moment again and she said it wasn't. It did feel weird going from such a close loving time at the weekend to suddenly ending, without even discussing the issues. Its really hard for me to get my head round the shock of feeling things were perfect at the weekend to now her suddenly being a stranger. She has said she struggles with self esteem and had to work hard on self regulation before. She is sensitive to light, noise and smell. She often complained of feeling blamed, guilty, not good enough and was very touchy about any suggestion she'd change no matter how small. She did say she felt not good enough for me and often behaved in the argumentative ways to protect herself as she feared being left. Does it sound like BPD?

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