Hello vortex of confusion, (Sorry such a late reply!)
When talking to your mom about this stuff, do you ever find yourself thinking, "Wow, no wonder I got involved with ex. His circular talk and weirdness reminds me a lot of you."
Funny thing is, both my parents are like that. Depending on how they feel at the moment or their own narrow opinion of things is what they say. My mom acts like she's too old to have to have a filter anymore and my dad said he's been through so much and all that nobody can tell him what to do... .yeah. I've gotten to watch my mom change over the years with him though, and not for the better. Believe me, the similarities between my parents and him have creeped me out at times. His views are wildly different, but actions are about the same. Even though I've suffered a lot, I've definitely learned a lot.
It is so frustrating and overwhelming at times. I try to move on but there are still so many loose ends that need tied up.
Yes, I feel the same and when you're constantly getting asked if you're ok,
knowing you're not, doesn't help. I tried talking to my son about it again yesterday because he was crying a little and mainly just down asking for his dad. He'll do this randomly. He wouldn't accept that daddy isn't going to live with us and decided to stick to his previous saying of "daddy's gone for work but daddy's coming home!" My heart is breaking for him more than myself. It's so not freaking fair, after all he's already been through to abandon him too? It ticks me off and gets me crying every time I think about it.
If he really, truly understood what he has done, I don't think he would be able to live with himself. As a result, he can only acknowledge it in small doses. There is a huge disconnect for him.
This is my dad to a T. He's made up his own version of our history where he was a great dad and great husband and that's what he believes to be reality. You literally can't say anything to him about the past unless it was a good time because he doesn't remember. He's shoved it so far back it's like another reality to him now.
My hus... well ex is different. He lives with the guilt everyday but distracts himself with games and the like so he doesn't have to think about it. Only when he's confronted with issues with our son or some legal stuff or when he's feeling bad, trying to sleep, does it come to the surface. He gets extremely depressed because he can't deal with it and then moves on to the next distraction repeating himself over and over because he won't deal with it. I think that's why he wants a divorce, so he doesn't have to look at me and my son everyday knowing what all he's done to us. He's said as much to be honest.
He's said he was done before, even though I knew this time was different so I asked to talk to him and he would only tex me. I still asked if he was sure this was what he wanted and he said yeah, he'd rather be on his own. He's tired of playing games with me and messing with my head. Like I said, it's not like I didn't know he was leaning out the door the past few years, I just figured at some point he'd realize that what he had in the door was better than out. I didn't want to let go. To be completely honest, I still don't.
At least, for whatever dumb or crazy reason, (which he hasn't been honest with me about, after a while you know when someone close to you is lying) he did say that for sure he's done so I can at least thank him (not literally) for that. It will help me to let go of it all, knowing there's no chance whatsoever. I know it sounds crazy to even consider for other people, but when you love someone you don't just give up because it's extremely freaking difficult. You let go when the other is running away for your own sanity.
I'm still crying and feeling devastated and overwhelmed here and there, but overall I'm doing better now. I couldn't come back to the thread before, it was just too painful to admit my reality. Thanks again for replying.
Purekalm
