A BPD Valentines ... or a funny thing happened on the way to the flower shop

[takingandsending]

So, two weeks ago, I asked my STBxw if she had considered applying at the local flower shops, as she has lengthy experience (and is really good, actually) at making floral arrangements. Basically, anything at this point would help with the bleeding from the legal costs of our divorce. She hadn't thought of that and thanked me for the idea, seemed genuinely pleased (idealization).

Then, after a few seconds thought, she started to devalue the idea because it would only be minimum wage. I mentioned that minimum wage in our state has gone up from when she last worked. We looked it up. Sure enough, it is up to $9.53/hour (recycle phase). Next, she estimated the hours she would work and concluded that she would only make a couple hundred dollars. After that, she scoffed at the idea (really digging into devaluation phase) because she could make $200 with two hours of her healing sessions.

Needless to say, she didn't bother with the floral arranging, and also performed no healing work sessions, netting exactly zero dollars. Hooray for BPD logic!

Happy Valentines Day, all.   

[CrossroadsGuyMn]

Here is another good one for you.

As my BPDw and my relationship has gone on, she has repeatedly said "Lets not get one another anything for holidays, birthdays, or special occasions".

For a while, I ignored that, and bought her little thoughtful things regardless... .or at least a card.  What  happened?  She would get angry.  "We AGREED we weren't going to do that!  Now I feel like a heel for not getting you any thing."

So about a year ago I stopped.

So yesterday she calls up, and says "So... .HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!"... .i replied, "I thought you hated V Day, so I didn't plan anything". 

Her reply "Well, girls just say that, we don't really mean it."

At this stage of my own recovery, and future planning I look it this as just an example of how the disorder manifests its self.  In the past I would have been extremely frustrated, and felt bad about myself.  (Double standards are one of my BIGGEST issues with her). 

However now I look at it objectively, and found it amusing.

It also is making me realize how detached I have become in this relationship.

[ArleighBurke]

These are common.

Me: I'm cooking sausages for dinner tonight for the family.
Her: Don't do that. It's too hot to eat a hot dinner. Let's just order pizza.
Me: ?

Her: I don't like the pool towels and bathers being hung up on the airing rack outside. It looks messy. Let's get rid of the airing rack and just hang it all over the balcony and furniture instead... .

[ForeverDad]

November 2005... .Ex is arrested for Threat of DV and I get temp possession of the home while her case is pending for the next several months.  As soon as she gets out she rushes over to domestic court and seeks her own TPO for herself and includes our child.  Fortunately at the following hearing CPS stands up and states they have "no concerns" about me.  To this day i don't know if the magistrate every followed the hint on her form that there was another pending case over in municipal court.  Magistrate asks one question, what are your work schedules?  Of course I say mine is a regular 5 day work week.  She says "I work from home."  She gets temp custody and temp majority time.  What is Temp?  The next two years until the final decree.

I'm like, I just got temp possession of the home, how can she say she works from home?

Oh, and she earned maybe as much as $200 per month with her MLM essential oils efforts, minus the expenses buying her own essential oils.